Absolutely baffled! Advice appreciated please.

Just delete his number. Ghosting is the latest way of breaking up. Everyone, even nice people, seem to have lost the communication skills and respect to tell someone it’s over. It’s also the cruellest way to break up with someone, as it takes a while to realize it’s over, and then all the questions as to why, and weren’t you even worth a goodbye. So delete his number. When he comes running back (which he will, they always do, even if it’s 2 years later) tell him to f-off

He’s not your boyfriend or husband, so technically he’s under no obligation to notify you of anything. It’s unfortunate you’ve been having sex with him and getting attached, but he never commited to you. You were his Friends with Benefits. Sometimes friends grow apart or up and decide to go in a different direction and then remove themselves from the friendship.

If you were both seeing each other consistently every weekend and all of a sudden he disappears, he probably got back together with an ex who came crawling back. And, yes, he does owe you an explanation….you were seeing each other 4 months, not 4 weeks.

Even if it was just FWB, FRIENDS don’t just abandon friends.

He has some VERY poor manners to ignore you. Also, I’d be ashamed of myself for NOT checking in on a guy I all the sudden stopped hearing from. That’s what good people do- they are concerned and reach out, because normal people can’t imagine just ghosting someone and assume something is wrong.

I don’t have any advice, other than that some people think this is OK, and you’ll probably get some &^&*^* on here telling you that “YOU DESERVED THIS” and “HE DIDN’T OWE YOU ANY NOTICE”. Or they’ll blame you for missing some sign that he was going to do this garbage to you. But they’ll blame you, so be prepared!

You may also, like me, find out down the road that the guy had a near fatal car wreck (and was hospitalized and in ICU for a while), or died (also happened, though he was just a friend). Then every time some jerk ghosts, you’ll be half worried and half po’ed at the rudeness.

I mean, no, no one can prevent ghosting, and even people who are committed do it. Bottom line, you can be married and ghost as long as you have an attorney.

But ghosting = emotional abuse = basically almost as bad as hitting someone IMO.

It’s not against the rules to call a random stranger ‘a fat tub of disease,’ but it isn’t going to land me a spot in the local paper as a charmer, either.

At the same time, it’s not against the rule to ghost someone who isn’t your BF/GF, but it still makes you a fat tub of disease.

I would just like to clear up that no, i did not ask him if everything was okay after he messaged me after the 3 days, it was asked 2 days after he did not respond to my response to him, which included asking if he was free over the weekend. 4 months is long enough to know someones habits with you, to which i said he had always been quite consistent, especially with seeing each other on certain days without fail. I knew it was out of character, therefore the reason why i questioned a few things after not hearing back.

Thankyou kindly for all the responses, some really great advice here. And as for “not owing me anything” i have to disagree, no we were not committed but it was still steadily pacing along and we were trying to get to know each other on all levels to see if we would like to pursue something further. That kind of time frame is long enough to know someone well enough for an explanation.

andrea, you have incredibly low self esteem. you don’t need a contract or a official title or anything in order to expect to be valued and treated with respect. This includes having the decency to kindly break it off with someone after you’ve been seeing them for 4 months, title or not. Talking this kind of crap away because he didn’t sign up for it etc, i.e. making excuses for his horrible behavior, shows very low self esteem on your side

I am with others, Andrea why do you insist that we need a “commitment” to be treated like human beings? Visualize 4 months of consistent communication, get together, sex, dinners, chats, texts, and then POOF. Without a word. You insist it is ok because there was no “label” posted somewhere? I agree that you are either extremely insecure and have low self esteem or very very old and lonely, with your last “date” being decades ago, and all this is “theory” to you.

Imagine your female friend going POOF on your, you try to reach them and they ignore you! how would you feel?

There is nothing “technically required” for decency. And stop insisting that there is. Young women who post here, most of them already have very low (or at best low-ish) self esteem, they don’t have th4e skills to set the right boundaries and the right mode and then don’t know how to deal with insults, most of us old-er (LOL) women here are trying to help them understand that and to get out of it and never allow it again, and then someone like you comes over and starts her “technically he does not owe you” crap. How would you like it yourself dear? Just imagine a man in your life for 5 minutes. Duh!

Andrea, I think most men and women know ghosting is a garbage move. The ghoster knows it’s wrong.

anon, where did I say otherwise?

I see you swooped in yet again to play the blame and shame game, Andrea.

What makes you think the labels of boyfriend or husband mean anything to someone who sees ghosting as the preferred method? You were so eager to tell the OP she didn’t have those all important (to you) labels and then took it upon yourself to give her the label of FWB.

“It’s unfortunate you’ve been having sex with him and getting attached, but he never commited to you. You were his Friends with Benefits.”

I can read very well, thank you. That reads as telling the OP SHE had sex, SHE got attached, SHE created the label FWB. No, Andrea, YOU created THAT label to prop up your sad claim.

What is with telling people in this situation they should have automatically known they were good for nothing more than being used? What is up with the need to ridicule them for daring to think someone liked them in any way at all?
You really do have to have a low opinion of yourself to project these beliefs onto others. That, and a sadistic streak.