Absolutely baffled! Advice appreciated please.

Eish and the excuses and ridiculous reasoning continues. Is it to make yourself feel better?

I am old enough and have done enough dating to know when i meet someone special. Then i will take myself of the market and get to know him, until we decide to call it quits or make a commitment

I expect the same from men. If its not something he’s willing to give, its fine by me, he can date as many others as he wants, i just wont be one of them

If either i or him decide to call it quits, i will kindly let him know its not working. And you can bet your ass i expect the same

If he doesnt show me that courtesy, i will just let him go, and when he comes back (which all men always do) i will be gone

I have enough respect for myself to expect the best. I will certainly not condone crappy behaviour. I get the idea the women here will rather tell themselves its standard behaviour, else they will think its somehow their fault. Tell you what though, it isnt. Its his. The spineless asscllown houdini

And yes, if i’ve had a woman working for me for 4 months, i will certainly tell her i wont be using her services anymore

I treat all people in my life with respect. As well as myself

Not one of a few men who circe back. All. Each and every mand i’ve met from going on a date or 2, to having been married, went balls to the wall to get me back.

Thats not really what its about thoufh is it. Maybe if he treats one girl like crap and she doesnt atand for it, he’ll think twice about doing it to the next girl

We teach people how to treat us. And woman has shown men regardless of what crap he pulls, he’ll get another chance as soon as he wants one. Guess why its become the norm

Anon, I get it when it comes to the work world but you CANNOT demand, enforce or apply it it in the dating world because it’s VOLUNTARY and fully controlled by the whims of the people involved who are under not obligation to say or do anything if they choose not too proceed.

Ghosting is wrong. Wrong. Period. Wrong. By people who are cowardly and have an un-evolved character. Of course she deserved civility, and an ending, after MONTHS of an established communication.

As much as it frightens me that women do not listen to men that clearly say they don’t want a relationship, or crazy ladies that accost a man about what happened after just a couple of dates — it’s frightening we even have this long of a discussion about the rightness, wrongness, prevalence, get-over-it-ness the OP should or should not feel.

What happened to you was horrible. It’s wrong. And ending that way does not have to be part of dating, or I believe, even an accepted risk in dating. It’s only a risk in meeting other humans — and some of them turn out to be cruel and completely immature cowards. Sort of similar to the ones who say you should just get over it or accept it.

You can move on understanding that it takes a very long time to truly know someone’s character. But that you conducted yourself with dignity, are capable of giving and receiving love and affection, and have gratitude to the universe that he showed you — though very dramatically — who he really is.

Update –

I have heard from him, with an apology and explanation.
Family crisis did occur (which I will not repeat) his been going through a lot the past few weeks, has been mostly alone away from everyone as no one deserves to be around him while he is the way he is. He mentioned it’s no excuse that he was ignoring me and he sincerely apologised (this is the short version) he also included he realised the last time we saw each other how attached we were both coming and he isn’t ready for that and he is truly sorry.
Now, whether it’s because depression has sunk in due to the crisis he feels this way, given he seems to be pushing everyone else away. Or he genuinely means it for good, who would know. But I respected his decision, made it clear I’m here if he ever needs a vent or someone to talk and made myself pretty clear with my response the doors still open for a friendship if ever needed.
At the end of the day, I got closure and that’s all I was asking for.

This is why the overuse of that word is just as redundant as dating has become!

These guys took a temporary hiatus for the very reason he gave you which is the most common excuse a man uses, even back before the day I started dating over 35 years ago BTW. It was becoming ‘too intense’ because the woman wants more than he was ever going to offer her and instinctively pulls way back which is a biologically natural thing for a man to do BTW and need to learn PATIENCE when it happens because if they DO come back they will reveal THE ANSWER for doing so and know which way to proceed after that conversation. I’m LUCKY that my father taught me this at a very young age and it has helped me to not fall into a lot of the dating traps so many women find themselves in today.

I KNOW what a man wants within the first few dates (IF you make it that far) and then I decide if I want to continue or not based on that knowledge. If I’m not looking for a relationship which was most often the case for me as I LIKED being single as it can be a whole lot funner and much easier than being tied down in a relationship, I sure as heck wasn’t going to waste my time on a guy who was. Sometimes I would tell them “thanks but no thanks” and sometimes I didn’t as most of those who have dated enough fully understood that a NON RESPONSE IS A RESPONSE…it means “NO” or “NOT INTERESTED” where those who understand that concept didn’t get upset about it because THEY KNEW what the other wasn’t looking for ( relationship with them) and trying to pursue (chase after) something the other clearly doesn’t want is a futile waste of energy and time.

For instance I KNEW my ex husband had a major crush on me and was pursing me for a relationship from the get go as were other guys I was ‘getting to know’ because THEY were the one’s PUSHING for a relationship within the first month, not me. I KNEW two of my FWB’s and many others I spoke to, met or went on a date with were only looking for casual (aka SEX) because men will be clear about their intentions very early if you carefully LISTEN and WATCH what they say and do. If they just got out of a relationship/marriage; going through a major issue/struggle; just lost their job; or anything NEGATIVE and their ACTIONS showed wishy-washy behavior that’s a man SCREAMING to you they are NOT in a good, healthy, financial, stable or emotional position to date for the sole purpose of finding an actual mate (life partner) and just mucking around.

If you develop an imaginary relationship with a man who is clearly not your official BF, then all I can say is you’re going to be setting yourself up for a whole lot of pop corn men (those who pop in and out) or ‘bouncers’ (bounce in and out) and heartache.

Anon, your also preaching to the choir; whereas your communication style is YOURS it is NOT everyone else’s and do not have the power or any legal authority to DICTATE, DEMAND, ENFORCE or CONTROL other people, only yourself! I don’t have this issue so stop trying to force me to believe the way you do or take the position you have…it won’t work! My BF needs to talk daily, I don’t. My ex husband and I were perfectly happy and content talking once a week when he wasn’t home! There were many times he couldn’t communicate weekly and I didn’t get my panties all wadded up because I KNEW he would reach out when he could and PATIENTLY waited until he did by living life the same way every day whether we communicated or not! It boils down to different strokes for different folks!

This man isn’t weak, he knows exactly what he’s doing and has probably worked well for him which is why he chooses this MO especially on women who are soft targets. The harder targets wouldn’t tolerate ‘not knowing’ and would have walked away permanently much much earlier.

She is still not listening. She is going to go forth and eventually bend because IMO she’s not strong enough to ‘let him go’ and take the time to fully wean herself off him. He’s her drug, she’s IN LOVE with him and the moment she spends some time with him she’ll melt in his arms like a puddle. You’re still so wound up on the brief lack of communication that you cant see the forest from the trees. Like I said….using the term “ghosting” today has become redundant….they eventually circle back.

” This guy knew what he was doing. He isn’t weak he wanted to keep her at arms length and make sure she knows he doesn’t want more than fwb”

That right there is a sign of weakness. Strong men who want casual only don’t act like they are in a relationship and are upfront from before they get in your pants about what they want. Strong men don’t leaving you guessing about their actions (which is what ghosting does). They communicate with clarity.

You just rewarded this man for his bad behavior by telling him you will still be available to him in the future. Smh!

Ok Claire. You don’t love him (keep telling yourself that) and he did not ‘ghost’ you either. Did you learn anything from this experience because I find it fascinating that you were so upset over a man not responding when you didn’t even love him.

Clara, If there was any lesson for you to have learned, I believe it is: even in the midst of personally dealing with this, you were and are far more level headed and reasonable than some of the baggage laden people giving responses looking to rewrite their history through your story.

The mean girl schoolyard attitude by some is laughable in how transparent it is. You stated your situation and thoughts in a clear and very well spoken way. There wasn’t anything to read into it. You never said he didn’t have a right to make an exit, only that the way he initially did it left much to be desired and was not respectful of you, your time, or the time both of you put into knowing each other. Instead of the theme of the responses being, “I’m sorry you got the brunt of him going about it this way. You’re correct when you said you realize you can’t make anyone stay or progress but you have every right to be disappointed in his lack of decency. This isn’t a reflection on you in any way. Give yourself some time to process it. He’ll most likely be back around so gather yourself to be good with respecting and being fair to yourself, however you choose to do that, whether he makes an appearance again or not.”

Instead, there were responses that couldn’t wait to “explain” things to you for every point under the sun that wasn’t germane. I don’t care what the posters claim, their “points” and “explanations” had the schoolyard bully theme of shaming because “he doesn’t like you nah nah nah.”

Clara, you handled yourself amazingly. Your responses show you are too smart to be influenced by those who want to nit pick in a lame attempt to exorcise their own demons of past humiliations by casting you in their previous roles.

I wish you well. You are so much mentally farther ahead than the place replies with cynical, bitter, blaming, drama creating “advice” aimed to put you.

So she got her closure. Case resolved and closed.