Advice

Apart from the issue of who pays, and norms vary by culture, do you really want to be with someone who sends you such cowardly texts? This is a discussion a mature person would have face to face. No-one will be paying for anyone until you actually meet, he should save the conversation for then, or at the very least have it by phone.

That’s what I thought also..I told him I would have preferred this to be a conversation over the phone. It was very childish to bring up two months later! Why would he ask me to be his girlfriend one month in If he had a problem with me not paying?! It’s very odd. I thought I was maybe over reacting about this whole situation.

Can you elaborate? I just would like to get others’ opinions

This what dating’s about…determining if that person is qualified for the position of BF :o) I would have dropped him like a hot skillet, whereas, I too would find this guy to be stingy or frugal, and I wouldn’t want to waste my time finding out.

However, I do think dating has gotten way too expensive because all you’re really doing is trying to get to know each other, and there are a lot of fee, and inexpensive ways to do it without a man going broke. This is how I met most of my boyfriends, including my husband…just hanging out doing free or inexpensive things, and then some expensive things, here and there, like a theme park or fancy dinner when we were in a relationship.

Honestly, dating really shouldn’t be expensive, especially in the beginning, so its best to opt for low key dates such as coffee/drink for the first; and if you hit it off (want to see each other again) it should be slowly built up such as taking a walk at a local historic park or beach/pier (free) the second; local event/festival the third; bowling the fourth; miniature golf the fifth; take a drive and tour a cool town, like one in the mountains, beach, vineyard, etc. while grabbing a light lunch the sixth…you get the gist. This lets you see how the two of you communicate, behave, act, and above-all help to keep sex off the table while engaging in public activities so you can learn about each other in different situations, and settings, without breaking the bank.

Its simply about getting to know each other, and sadly why proper “courting” ended with the generation X. Romance has been replaced with technology, and hookups (dinner & sex) which is why the younger generation is having such a hard time navigating the world of romance today, because sadly they no longer have any role models (parents), like I did, to teach or show them. BIG Sigh

I don’t think you over-reacted. It would be a huge turn off for me too. I most likely would have mentioned I offered to pay on 50% of the dates he took me on and that if it was still bothering him 2 months later we probably aren’t a good fit. Dating is all about finding someone you are compatible with. Now you know this isn’t someone you see long term potential with and that’s okay. And that usually does happen at the 3-4 month mark. I would move on and not let this bother me.

1. I don’t think you are over reacting at all. Your instincts are spot on.

2. If you decide not to continue with him, I like what kaye suggested to say. It’s a way to stick up for yourself without getting into any sort of argument, but also a way to extricate yourself with grace.

3. If you decide to continue down the relationship-potential path with him, remember this moment. He’s just showed you who he is with his behavior. He keeps a tally sheet and will pull it out when he feels it might be useful.

Youre still not sure what to do? The dude himself isnt talking to you or asking you out is what i get from your post

Lol are you serious? No I was not fake offering to pay. But the fact that I DID offer to pay and he insisted to STILL pay is the issue. Why say something like that but still insist on paying? And then two months later at that. Makes no sense.

He has reached out to me, he asked me if I was okay because he knew I was going through some family issues
He then sent me another text and said “I’m here if you want to talk” .. I didn’t reply.

A male dating coach I really respect says “A woman should always offer to pay. (And of course mean it.) While a gentleman will be thankful and always refuse.”

IF the guy doesn’t act like a gentleman and wants to halfsey on everything – the woman can weigh later whether or not his other qualities compensate for him not paying, consider it he is inventive about planning inexpensive, but thoughtful dates or etc.

I, personally, won’t date a man who expects me to pay half. I have lots of reasons for that. Some mentioned in my first post on this thread. But the fact she asked to split, he refused, then he TEXTED her when they had barely spent anytime together where he was dropping money and asked her to contribute denotes a weird defensive or self absorbed reaction. Like what is he doing with his extra time with COVID? Sitting around thinking about how women are taking advantage of him? Yuck.

I respect there are generational, even geographical, differences of perspectives on this. (I’m originally from the south) But it doesn’t matter what time period you’re born in, or state you were raised, there are biological drives a man has when he cares for a woman — or at least in the beginning — cares about the impression he makes on a woman.

Want to reiterate that I’m over 50, and half way to 60 :o)

Im not talking about this guy anymore. But about the expectations a guy pays. You can say all day long you are a feminist but you simply are not if you hold this guy accountable when he takes you up your fake offer to pay half. Thats not fair to a guy, you pretend to be independent, pull out your wallet. Most guy (who want sex) would say he will pay. But there will also be others who might accept the offer. So to judge this as a character thing is unfair unless you count in your own insincerity to pay half