advice collection:

This is too vague. If you’re just “seeing someone” and he’s not your boyfriend, and you’ve decided to take a break but the timeline is open ended….it can’t be a very serious involvement that you have with this guy, in my book.

Having said that, if you’ve made a decision to move on and things are up in the air, the decent thing is to let the other person know. Especially if you think there’s a chance he might come back (which you obviously do, or you wouldn’t be asking this question).

You could provide more details (and still remain anonymous) in order to allow folks to give you more specific advice that’s actually helpful. Otherwise, the only thing you are going to get from the collective is to end it and move on — in various ways of phrasing. Because the advice is hypothetical. We have no idea of context, history, etc.

As such I am not going to provide any advice as I feel like I’m doing so in the dark. Best of luck to you though. I hope you find a solution in a way that is best for YOU.:)

test

sorry everyone, i have a reply that’s not posting.

i just don’t want to have to find new and interesting ways to re-word this. i might try again later or maybe the admins will fix it.

Thanks for the reply, Rox!

Follow up question (or comment): I thought ghosting was when someone just disappears like a ghost, and could be a date, a boyfriend, a husband, etc. I thought the term was just meant to describe someone being there, and then vanishing (like a ghost!) I guess I haven’t reached out to him since we took time apart, so it might not apply here. He would instantly reply, I’m sure, if I reached out. But I’m not sure what it is he is doing. It’s officially just been over a month since we took a break. I told him to reach out when he is ready. He’s just not doing it.

Now I’m looking to move. I’m over him. He’s too wishy washy and it’s making me feel not great about myself! I’m sure I can find someone more into me.

So do I reach out myself or do I just ghost back? I mean, I feel like his plan here is to just……never talk to me again. A big piece of me wants to leave him alone simply because I’m SUPER curious if he will ever grow a backbone to reach out.

This is the issue with these reconnection situations that turn into situationships and weren’t put back onto clear relationship terms with firm boundaries. He thinks he can now waltz in and out of your life because you’ve let him do it before. There was no reason for him to be in touch OR to take your out and end things, because he doesn’t have to. It benefits him to leave things up in the air (either he keeps you on the hook for longer, or he avoids the confrontation of breaking things off… even though you were already technically still broken up from the first time). It’s not actually that confusing, but if he keeps you guessing and feeling confused, he stays on your mind while he does whatever he wants.

Ending it and leaving him in the dust is doing the right thing for yourself, so good for you. Though since he’s given you nothing and you’re not even in contact, you probably could have done it over a text message instead of putting in the effort to meet up. I can’t decide if he will answer you and agree to meet up to see if he can talk you into waiting around more, or dodge you totally, or end things with you over text / phone before you end things with him so he can maintain an illusion of power. If you do end up communicating, keep it short and simple and don’t let him drag you back into anything.

I also think you’d posted about this before and people said he’s making excuses and no one needs to be single and out of touch to make new friends, but I can’t find it…