Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Advice for Calls
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Lane.
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Sarah
I met this guy online a few month ago and we have been talking ever since and it’s kind of getting serious. However, we have not met in person yet because of the lockdown and the seriousness of Covid-19.
For the last few weeks he has more or less stopped texting, but will call most nights for a chat, which can sometimes last for 2-3 hours.
Recently though, he would call, we would talk for while, about 30 mins, then all of a sudden mid conversation, he would suddenly say he has to go or needs to call it a night and hang up. This has happened a few times now and everytime he has done it, has been within the first 30 minutes of the call. I’m confused about the whole situation. I known he has a busy job, so I can understand that he might not have the time to chat. But it’s when he hangs up so suddenly I can’t help but feel like there’s something up.Needless to say, my mind jumps to conclusions, like is another girl calling him and that’s why he hangs up so suddenly to answer her calls? Or is there a girl with him and she walks into the room?
I know there could be a perfectly understandable reason for it such as a friend calling, or his parent, stuff in the oven etc. But wouldn’t he mention this? I am very aware that he cannot always be there and may genuinely have to rush off. The subject matter is fairly ordinary, nothing controversial or argumentative. I didn’t pay much attention the first few times, but now I am beginning to notice it more.
So I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced this and would have any idea why this keeps happening. I know I could be making a mountain out of a molehill so please forgive me if I am! :)
Thank you.
Ss
Yep, I have experienced this. He turned out to be married!! Listen to your gut x
AngieBaby
1) This isn’t a real relationship, you haven’t met in person yet.
2) Of course this is bizarre behavior. He’s hiding you from someone. Who or why is impossible to say. But it’s not good.Are there any solid plans to meet up within the next few weeks? If not, stop wasting your time on this.
Sarah
Ss: I know he’s not married but he does often have friends in his apartment. He has repeatedly told me he wouldn’t cheat and if it wasn’t working out he’d tell me out straight.
AngieBaby: He has asked me several times if I would met for a coffe and a walk because that’s all we can do at the moment. But I’m worried about covid. I have family members who are vulnerable. I also exam college exams until mid may so I can’t at the moment.
AngieBaby
Then you need to ask him directly why he’s behaving like that.
Erin
He’s kind of slow fading you i think.
He’s probably talking to other people as well now and seeing them them as is the norm when it comes to online dating. You might be the long investment plan i.e, he is ‘cushioning’ you.
If he is still on the app you met, he’s considered single, just like you are.
The thing is, he wanted to meet up and you didn’t, because of circumstances beyond your control. You can’t risk your health and that of others and your education for a date which might or might not work out in the end.
You’re not really in a relationship, or at least the other component which makes a relationship (meeting up) has not happened yet.
Everything is pretty much still in the air at the moment
Keep your options open.
Tallspicy
I think you already posted this some weeks ago
Sarah
Tallspicy: No sorry. I think you have the wrong person or the wrong topic. This is my first time ever posting on these forums. I only discovered this website in the last few days.
Elvira
Sarah I think given all the obstacles ex. covid and your schooling I think you should stop communicating with this man until you are ready to actually meet in person. I can understand the frustration from both sides. You want the constant communication as before where as he is probably interested in meeting to see if this is something he wants to pursue. The fact he is cutting convos short is probably because he is getting bored but still wants to see what if. Have a truthful conversation and say bring up your concerns. I have learned with online dating transparency is better rather than jumping to conclusions. If it is meant to happen it will if he is seeing other people because your relationship isn’t moving forward then that will come to the surface.
Agree with Erin!Lane
If you don’t know him, how can we know? Until you meet, and see him in real life you can’t know if he does it just to you, or others too, which is why OBSERVING someone is a critical element in the ‘getting to know each other” process.
You shouldn’t automatically assume (AKA “false assumptions”) anything is off, bad, or wrong until you have some solid facts or details to work with. We all have unique and individual experiences, yet we expect each other to think, act, and/or respond in the same way we do which can be just as wrong as the assumption one makes against another. Until you have something to work with, its best to assume you know little to nothing about him, because you really don’t.
Lane
As a side note: He’s single, and you’re single. Both of you are allowed to talk, text, meet or date other people. What you need to do is drop your expectations of this man, or any single man for that matter, about 10 notches until you are in a position to spend one-on-one time which will provide you with the answer you seek.
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