Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Advice on a situationship
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Maddie.
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Zoe
Looking for advice. Or people’s thoughts please.
I recently started dating a guy and we clicked. Instantly I trusted him and we just got on.
Last week he was telling me how he wants to make me happy. This week he has turned round and said he doesn’t have time for me, and I’m the right girl the wrong time… I told him I was gutted and I didn’t see this coming. Any advice? I havent reached out. Shall I just leave it and move on? Or hope he will contact me in the future?Maddie
Leave and move on. At best, this guy is not that into the situation and is trying to let you down easy after coming on strong. At worst, he’s emotionally unstable and inconsistent. Happily ever after is never with those guys.
For the future, any romantic / potential partner blindsiding you is a giant red flag to avoid investing further in that person. People can get overwhelmed and have issues that may cause stress on dating or a relationship (which can happen and be okay, life happens), but how they handle it tells you a lot. The seeming 180 is really happening because of the lack of decent communication. Bad communication means bad partner. Pushing you away and trying to keep you on the backburner with meaningless nicety excuses (“right person wrong time 😭”) instead of problem-solving with you and prioritizing balancing you with his other commitments is also a bad sign, because that’s how he handles his problems and copes with stress in life. Likely not the kind of boyfriend you want.
Personally, any time a guy had quick chemistry with me and did a blindside 180 out of no where, over time I’d find out he did me a huge favor. If I stuck around and forced things or tried to be “friends,” I’d inevitably learn about mental issues, commitment / intimacy problems, or alcohol / drug addiction. It was always a bullet dodged!
It hurts but you will be okay and meet someone who doesn’t ever blindside you if you stay open to new guys and slam the door on this one.
Gaia
Sounds like he was pretty honest. I do believe you can be the right person but not at the right time. Don’t reach out and do your best to focus on yourself. Give yourself a lot of self-love right now. Do things you enjoy, be with friends, etc. Don’t dwell on him or hold out hope. If you are the right person and he is the right person, the universe will have you meet up again at the right time if it is meant to be.
AngieBaby
100% LEAVE HIM ALONE. Block everywhere and forget him. He’s a flake or he’s with someone else. I wouldn’t take him back if he comes around in the future. “I don’t have time for you” is really lame.
Erin
He might have initially liked you, but then he changed his mind and let you know in no uncertain terms what’s up.
There’s nothing more you can say,or do, there is no point in reaching out or flogging a dead horse. Let it go.
And don’t sit there waiting for him to call or text or to send a letter by pigeon or stage coach. You have a life to live, things to do, people to see. The world doesn’t revolve around him.
I know it sounds cliché, but now is the time to surround yourself with love, with people who value you, love you unconditionally and support you.
As the saying goes,when someone shows you who they are for the first time, believe them.
Ss
Right woman, wrong time can sometimes not turn out to be bulls*it. It was like that for me and my bf. When he said that I went no contact and genuinely moved on. 2 years later the timing was better and he worked hard to get me- like I was totally over him and it took ages for me to see him as a romantic prospect again even when he was trying really hard.
But…. it 90% its just a sop to let women down gently. So my advice is accept it and move on if it is the right person for you it will come good. If he isn’t then you’ll have moved on and be happy anyway x
Kathy
What Maddie and Erin said!
Maddie
I agree there are exceptions to right person wrong time being BS, like in Ss’s case, and that timing can be a real thing. However, when this is the case, the communication leading up to it is generally good, the situation is well-discussed, and you are not blindsided or confused by the decision. That is why I do not think it applies here.
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