Advice on dating and dealing with loneliness during the pandemic?

Hi everyone,

I love this site and forum, and I’ve been here on and off for years, mostly reading others’ posts. This time I thought I’d ask you all about something I’m really struggling with at the moment, dating and loneliness during COVID.

Long story short, I broke up with my long-time bf about a year before the pandemic broke out. I did some pretty intense online dating for a few months after the breakup but then realized I should probably focus on healing first. Online dating was also starting to wear me out. Then all of a sudden there was the pandemic and lockdowns and working from home, and I started turning into a hermit. Don’t get me wrong, at first I loved having so much time to focus on myself and just chill, but after almost 2 years enough is enough. I tried online dating again about a year ago again but didn’t enjoy it. At the end of 2021 I was getting bored of both the pandemic and being on my own but still ok overall. Well, not depressed or haunted by negative feelings anyway.

Then in December this guy, an old acquittance from a couple of years before reached out. At first I thought he must be another f-boy testing the waters, but after taking a week to ponder, I gave him the benefit of doubt. We ended up seeing each other a few times. Long story short, it was a real disappointment. He had either broken up right before and was trying to fill a void, or the breakup was still about to happen. I never quite figured it out and it’s not really relevant here. The problem is that having a little glimpse of the fun and excitement of dating after being single and on my own in many other ways too (working from home, at times really isolated because of the pandemic etc.) I realized I’M F-ING LONELY! It was – is – the worst feeling ever. I also have to admit that I got my hopes way too high up about this guy simply because a) I didn’t have other “prospects” at the time and b) struggled to keep myself busy because there’s a pretty strict lockdown where I live. I had been more or less fine for the past couple of years and all of a sudden I had this wave of loneliness and anxiety come over me and I’m not dealing with it very well.

Oh and I suppose I should add that I’m not a huge fan of online dating. I find it exhausting talking to and meeting so many men at the same time, and would rather meet someone organically through hobbies, friends etc. as there’s less pressure in those interactions. I also live in a smaller city where most guys my age (mid-30’s) are married with kids, so there’s no ocean full of fish around here :)

I guess there must be other people facing these issues out there. How do you keep yourselves busy, happy and far away from dwelling in those miserable feelings? Where do you go to meet new people (men)? Any tips on how to keep your head up high and trust that you ARE loveable and worth so much?

I just reread what I wrote and realized I come across pretty depressed and negative. Believe it or not, usually I’m happy-go-lucky and funny! :D I guess this just goes to tell how sad a place I find myself in. So, it’d be great to hear if you have any advice or tips, or just to connect with others going through something similar. Many thanks!