Advice on How to Move Forward with Problems

Just a young college girl looking for advice and input from internet strangers! ha
I am graduating this june from college, and with the rate of how everything is going and the election, pandemic, and then my own personal issues, I feel like I cannot get actually settled into myself this year. This year has turned me upside down and I only have one to two things left slowly stabilizing me.

Just to list a few things that I am dealing with is this august i was diagnosed with a chronic disease that affects my uterus (its very rare for someone my age to get this so progressively and had two stints in the ER/ was treated horribly by male doctors ignoring my pain telling me its normal–turns out i have a thing called adenomyosis, and will more than likely affect my fertility). This has been a lot for me to handle, as I am only 22, and dealing with random bouts of pelvic pain, bleeding, and the idea of being a mother ripped away from me, i feel quite numb to be honest. this has been a lot, and ive been wanting to talk to a professional about this. I am holding a lot inside emotionally and do not know even where to begin.

My dad 3 years ago was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and he is heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol, and still is smoking cigs 4 packs a day while on chemo, and simply I do not know how he still alive. He is verbally abusive, and extremely mentally ill, yet the man is dying of cancer, and I have mixed feelings about this. I have never had any real affection with ihm or him as a role model, and has caused my family great trouble and distraught. I am constantly needed at home to help mediate situations and help out my poor mother with the burden of dealing with this.

Now my older brother has has aspergers, needs major help. He just moved back into our house, him and my father do not get along (my dad is his step dad), but he is broke and “disabled” and never went to college, he is just floating throughout life. It is so depressing, he is 30 years old and needs major additional help and push, yet he is also a selfish ass at the same rate. My whole life is me treading on a very tricky line, and either way I go, its the wrong one I feel.

TRYING to deal with all of this, on top of school work in my senior year, and yet also have a reminiscence of a social life, i feel lost and confused. I miss having sex, being with someone, but I cannot tell its because I need extra support right now and crave that oxytocin release, which is a lot better feeling than existential dread. I am talking to a few guys, been out on dates, recently, all covid safe, but 1) have not clicked with anyone and 2) i don’t even know what to talk about because things suck so bad in my personal life. I am crying while typing this, because I am realizing how overwhelmed I have been in my ALWAYS abnormal situation growing up. I do not like to feel bad for myself. I try my best to shove it aside and move onwards, and always say “it could be worse” but I think it has come to the point where I really need to talk this out with a professional.

I don’t know exactly why I am posting this all on here, I trust what you guys have to say, and I know that if I continue what I am doing I am going to down a route like I have before and have a lot of crappy casual sex and feel even worse about myself, and a deep shame that I am a slut…another thing I need to work on! I have this insanely high sex drive, yet feel sad and horrible after sex, I cannot win. Doesn’t help this election is making me feel even worse. I appreciate for those who read this, I am sorry I am emotionally dumping on this forum. I do not think I am ready again to date right now, even though I haven’t been in anything serious now in a year, only a few flings these past few months, which meant nothing and the guys were jerks. I feel so jaded by those too. I really always put my best foot forward. Now I am just happy to be able to run during the week and able to relax and a read a book cause i am not in pain. Thats how low my bar is now. I am just really done agh.