Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Advice on how to react if the guy I'm seeing calls other girls hot?
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Emily.
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Sandy
So I’ve been seeing a guy for several months now and I know he and I are only dating each other. I trust him and know he has a faithful character. Anyway, he has a tendency to make comments about other girls, especially on TV. For example, he’ll call them hot in front of me. He’s also made comments about girls in real life, I.e he went to his friend’s son’s 1 year birthday party and mentioned there were “hot moms” there. I know I have jealousy so this obviously doesn’t help. And I don’t want to seem like I’m really insecure in our relationship.
Anyway, what are your guys’ thoughts about his comments? Is it just normal since obviously I realize there are other pretty girls out there?
Leigh
He’s testing you. He wants to see how you react. Tell him you think the girl is hot too. (Bite your trip ngue when you say). I honestly don’t like it but if you want to see if it can work you need to help him stop doing it.
(1) tell him you think those girls are beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with admiring another girl’s beauty.
(2) casually flirt with other guys.He wants to see how attached you are with him and right now he’s telling you he isn’t attached to you.
Sandy
Thanks Leigh. But why would he make these comments as test? I know he’s not running away with these girls, it just seems like it’s his nature – attached or unattached – to say these things.
redcurleysue
He is playing games. Let this guy go. His games are not worth your heartache.
Whether he is testing, insecure, etc. it does not matter. He is being insensitive and that is enough to kick him to the curb.
You are not being jealous for no reason…he should shut his mouth.
Rags
He thinks these girls are ‘hot’ but he’s with you, therefore he thinks you’re ‘hotter’ than them. Everyone can window shop, it doesn’t mean you want to buy. It may be a bit insensitive but probably doesn’t mean anything
Leigh
He might be testing you because it is nature to admire other girls. It’s better to hear him say than see him shift his eyes and some girls get nervous. He has to be complimenting you though.
Stefanie
I’m with RSC on this one… don’t tolerate this.
If you want to bat the ball right back into his court, you can say oh yeah, she’s totally hot. And look at that guy over there, wow, he’s so hot he’s on fire! That should be game, set, match to you. If he doesn’t knock it off after a round or two of this, drop. No gentleman does this sort of thing.
m
I’ve had this happen before and it’s important to communicate effectively. He might be playing games (in which case, move on) or he might just be clueless. If you feel okay with commenting on other girls being hot, great. But it doesn’t sound like you do.
You could try saying something like, “I’m sure you don’t mean to be rude when you say other girls are hot but I need you to know it really turns me off when you point out other women. I respect you enough not to point out hot men so it would really help me stay attracted to you if you show me the same respect.”
Do you think you could say something like that to him?
m
If he continues to do it after you let him know it’s not acceptable, then you know. But he might just be clueless and need to be told that it’s not what you’re looking for.
caetru
I had this problem before too. This guy seemed to have the need to comment on every pretty girl he saw in real life and TV. I told him that although I could appreciate a beautiful woman too, I didn’t like him commenting on every woman he saw. He said that it was a habit he had gotten into over the years. He agreed that it was disrespectful to me and that he would stop. It took him a little while to break the habit but he cared about me and our relationship enough to stop for the most part. Every once in a while is totally normal and I’m okay with
I don’t know if your guy is doing this out of habit or testing you or low self esteem, but if it bothers you, you need to communicate that to him. Some women don’t care but obviously you do. I think that this is a boundary that he should have no problem adhering to with you. I would prefer that kind of talk to be kept to guys night.
Andy
He sounds like an ass. When I’m serious about a girl, I don’t do that kind of crap because I’m sensitive towards her feelings. For what reason he thinks it’s ok, I have no idea. Well, I can think of a few things, but I still don’t feel it’s acceptable.
Tallspicy
I disagree with the other posters. Women on TV are hot and in no way a threat. I think your jealousy over fantasy people is yours to own. If he does it often for women in real life, then that is who he is, and it might not be OK for you.
MnMs
I agree with others here that you could try a combination of also commenting on the girl, commenting on guys or bringing it up to him.
If I was dating a guy and he said nice things about other women like “so-and-so looked really pretty tonight with that new haircut” or “so-and-so looked great, has she lost weight?” or “your friend looks a lot better after ditching that ex of hers” coupled with complimenting me then I would think that was okay and he was just a genuinely nice person.
But if a boyfriend were saying “your friend looked really fit tonight” or “there were loads of hot girls at my mates party” or “that woman is a MILF”, whether he was complimenting me or not I would find that disrespectful. Not just to me, but to the other women too, and it would tell me a lot about his character.
My advice in regards to telling him about it is to frame it in a ‘secure, confident’ way. If you say “I hate when you do that it makes me feel ugly and like crap” then he will sense your insecurity and may exploit it. But if you say “I don’t really like when you do that, it feels disrespectful to me and those other girls” that is coming from a place of security and knowing how you need to be treated.
Boog
I think that’s obnoxious. In my past relationships, the guys who remarked on other women being hot always ended up being disrespectful in other areas as well. Of course we all know that there are attractive people out there. But I don’t know why it would ever be necessary to tell your partner how hot someone else is.
Sophie
A few years ago I went out with a guy and he said something similar. We went to the same school, he was in the year below. We matched on a dating app years later. During our first date we were talking about school and he said that I was in the same year as a couple of very pretty girls. Honestly I felt a bit rubbish after that knowing I wasn’t as pretty as those girls.knowing all the boys fancied them. I’ve always wondered why he said that. To be honest we only went out twice and it ended badly.
Emily
Sophie, this post is over 5 years old.
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