Advice on what should I do, I messed up

AngieBaby is right, this guy was never looking for serious. At best he was/is looking for a casual hookup when you’re in town. You should definitely look at yourself and ask yourself why you’re so hung up on a guy you never even met, who you only talked to for 1 month.

You say you connected with this guy on many levels, but until you meet someone in person, you don’t really know them. All the Face Timing and phone calls in the world don’t replace in-person interactions. Plenty of people meet someone long distance, and build up a fantasy around them based on virtual interactions (online, phone calls, etc). And then when they meet, everything falls flat. There are plenty of women on this board who have posted about it. So you have to realize, you had a fantasy in your head that you built up. You did not know HIM as a person. Once you can accept this, it will be easier for you to move on.

Hailey. Tough love coming up.

You do NOT know your value. High value women do not get into situations like this and then pine after someone who treated them like a sex object, which is all you ever were to him.

How old are you? How much dating experience do you have? I’m not trying to insult you but these questions are signs of immaturity and inexperience.

Again, you can’t “break up” with someone you didn’t have an actual relationship with. Your mistake wasn’t cutting him off, it was getting involved with him in the first place. I’m not sure what you mean by you’ve gotten attached to him. You don’t know him. You’ve gotten hooked on someone paying attention to you, that’s all.

Just because a guy says something doesn’t make it true. He told you I’m open to anything and I’m really into you to keep you on the hook, and it worked. You were being used for phone sex and sexting. Nothing more. He was doing the same with a lot of other women. You were nothing special to him and that’s nothing to do with you. He’s a screwed up person. You’ve lost nothing here. You finally wised up and walked away and that’s a big step in the right direction. Now leave him alone. Block him. You’re done with being used, right?? You’re not going to beg someone to take you back so he can keep using you for sex, right?? Your instincts rightly told you that you were nothing special to him and you ended this nonsense. That’s a GOOD thing – you did well. You owed him no apology. Stop second guessing yourself.

You need to learn to set your criteria and your boundaries much higher for guys you meet online or you’ll keep being used like this. You deserve better. This is the time to raise your value before you go back out there.

I mean ‘ended things’ not break up. Sorry. You are right I am new to dating. I was in a long term relationship and after it ended I took a couple of years to myself to focus on work and this year itself started dating again so yes I am fairly new.
You are 100% right @AngieBaby and appreciate your insights – I guess my brains looking at the good part where we would talk about so many other things as well like he was genuinely interested in getting to know me, my work and my family but yea you are right talk is cheap. Also, I asked him multiple times to come visit me and he would never agree to it cuz it was nothing for him.
Thanks for the tough love I am happy that I didnt waste much time on him. I also regret all the sexual talks and should have been honest from the get go for what I was looking for.

I’m really glad to hear you took what I said the right way.

This is a growth experience. You’re OK.

NO this would not have worked out no matter what you did. If you had set boundaries he would have disappeared because he was only looking for casual. This is not your fault, you didn’t mess up, I promise.

Date local men only!! Decide your criteria and standards and stick to them!!!!

Girl, this guy wasn’t into something serious and that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Stop looking for validation and just move on. And stop beating yourself up, you did the right thing by breaking up. It’s better now than later. he was just not as into you as you were on him. It is very hard to break a real thing. His reaction says it all

The reality is this guy was still a complete stranger. You don’t start seeing the true person until around 4 months in, and knowing someone deeply takes even longer.

I don’t get the impression he was looking for anything serious to begin with. It’s very easy these days to have multiple women on a sex string, with each woman thinking she’s connecting in a meaningful way.

Omg you guys have been so helpful – appreciate it so much !

I 1000% agree with you all and I know the truth. I was just beating myself up because I ended things on something small and no guy would wanna continue talking to someone who is so emotionally unstable and overreacts. The fact that he was consistent which I never had in any other previous dating experiences, made me think it had some potential. But yea this was nothing meaningful and my FOMO is just fantasy.

TBH I didn’t even like his dating profile and accidentally matched, I wasn’t even messaging him back because of long distance and all but he was persistent and made me reply to him. After he couldn’t come to see me I thought of never talking to him again and unmatching but he kept on texting and said he would like to know each other before meeting next time I am in the city.

I never do LDR I don’t know why this happened.. but you are completely right you can’t break anything meaningful so easily. Also, our last phone call, I felt like I am losing my self respect by him telling me “oh I will still talk to you if you ever need me” or “you should date other guys” ” I didnt reply to you earlier cuz I didnt have time for this s**t” “you were acting crazy” “we will not talk everyday now”…. when in reality he was the one who was literally begging to talk to me initially…

Anyways, I need to be kind to myself and move on from this asap. This was bound to happen sooner or later because he was not the right person for me.

>He sent me nudes one day ( I am not comfortable
>sending mine so I never sent mine) and I was
>fine with it until I saw his snapscore
>increase (he is in late 30’s and still uses snapchat)
>the same time which made me think he is sending it
>to other people too and also saw him
>commenting on an instagram models picture and
>I freaked out, acted crazy and broke things with
>him.

Baller.

>I then reached back immediately and apologized.

Weak.

It’s okay to be vulnerable. There’s nothing wrong with it. Sometimes you’re vulnerable and find out you’ve chosen the wrong person to open up to, and guess what? That’s okay, too! You learned not to trust that person for emotional support in the future. Nothing bad actually happened, and you’re still you and you’ll be okay. Usually beating yourself up about showing feelings or vulnerability or not being on the same page as someone reflects some past relationship, perhaps with family members, who gave you a hard time and made you feel ashamed about having feelings or made you want to minimize your own needs. So, that’s what you learned to do and internalized at some point. It isn’t uncommon. It’s possible you have an anxious or a fearful avoidant insecure attachment style, so that may be a place to start, and can also be worth talking to a professional about. There’s ways to learn to be more compassionate with yourself, feel stronger within yourself because you know you’ll still be okay if things go your way, etc. that there are exercises for. But it takes practice if it doesn’t come automatically to you. You’re not upset or ruminating about *him* (or anyone else), it’s something within yourself, which is good news because it means it’s in your control to change it if you want to. There’s nothing wrong with you, just need some new tools to learn to break out of the loop of beating yourself up.