Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Advice on what to do now
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Raven.
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Sam
I fell out with my partner of 3 years on new years eve and we havnt spoken for 3 days. I have been the most loyal to him and honest but he is always accusing me of talking to other men when I’m not doing it. He has been the one that was chatting to girls throughout my relationship and has lost my trust but I’ve never done anything to him. He started the argument again after Christmas we had a good Christmas together then started his madness on the phone asking me why I dont talk about the guys I work with? I told him I don’t need to I dont talk with them other than work related things but he was not having it. He told me he’s not a fool he knows I talk to men behind his back and I like man too much and started hanging up the phone and swearing talking over me. I never spoke to him again that night.
Then new years eve he was supposed to come to mine I rang him to ask if he was coming then he said at first yes and then he was like no you come to mine and said he’s testing me to see if I’ll come to him and if I cared I would but I already told him that I wanted to spend it with him and my sons and he said that I put everyone before him and he was staying put so I spent new year with out him then he started sending me texts that the women he had been with before me treated him better and I’m a waste of space and I should go chat to my work guys and the only reason I go to work is for them. I had had enough and told him to F off there was no need for the way he was carrying on. I have not heard from him since and I havnt contacted him either. I dont know weather to just end it now for good or to make the first move and talk to him.
Tallspicy
His behavior is totally unhealthy and if you reach out to him, all you are doing is teaching him to behave however he wants to.
If he comes back, it is under the following rules:
First, he needs to apologize:
A. I will not indulge your insecurities about other men. I am allowed to talk to men and have platonic male friendships and I under no circumstances will be made to feel badly about that. I will break up with you immediately over it and never speak to you again.
B. I will not indulge your insecurities formed under the following sentence – if you cared about me, you would xyz. I will break up with you and never speak to you again.
C. I will never accept you changing plans last minute or not showing up for plans that are set so you can change them to your liking at the expense of what we discussed. If that happens, I will break up with you immediately and never speak to you again.Be glad this a$$ is gone. Hope he stays that way.
tammy
he sounds horrible. you made the first move despite him behaving badly over xmas to finalize NY plans. and he decided to test you instead? what nonsense. i agree with the above poster. you should not approach him now. by making the first move again, you are in a way endorsing that your ready to accept his bad behavior and disrespect and his insane accusations and jealousy. let him get in touch. in case he does, make it very clear that you are not going to accept this kind of behavior again. in case he doesnt just write him off.
Maddie
“He has been the one that was chatting to girls throughout my relationship and has lost my trust but I’ve never done anything to him.”
Why have you tolerated this?
“He started the argument again after Christmas we had a good Christmas together”
Things went well so he started a fight to sabotage any intimacy. Please see this for how toxic and emotionally abusive it is (projecting his bad behavior on you, sending you cruel messages unfairly comparing you to exes, yelling over you, testing you), and strongly consider breaking up if (when) he does come back. He sounds like he needs mental health help but will keep taking it out on you until he decides to get help. You deserve better than to be a punching bag, that’s not how relationships are supposed to be. They should add value to your life, this one detracts value.
Sam
The constant accusations are depressing me because I know I’m not doing anything..the constant shouting and hanging up on me is draining.. I cant even say hi to a colleague walking through town because I’ll get called every name under the sun. I put my head down when I’m with him to not interact. When we argue he will call me narsty go chat to your work friends f off and hang up. We can never just be happy im always waiting for him to start some argument. Everytime he starts the arguments he won’t apoligise or ring me to make up he can go days and nights without speaking to me and its always me that calls to break the silence but he thinks he’s done nothing wrong
This time I haven’t called him I actually feel like im done this time. He’s always saying I’m not girlfriend material he can do way better. He doesn’t listen he talks over me all the time his mouth is vile the way he talks to me and he doesnt care if anyones about he will do it in front of people. He disrespects me and then plays victim and then I feel bad because he twists everything and I feel like I was I the wrong its honestly draining I feel so depressed. He even told me he had packed his bag to come to me new years but he wanted to test to see how important he was to see if I came to him the whole things has put me on a downer.
mama
Look at this relationship, his behaviour and your behaviour; and ask yourself if it adds value to your life, or does it subtract. And then choose to act based on your evaluation.
Relationships aren’t about gaslighting or testing your loved one … it’s about building a partnership and foundation in trust, acceptance, friendship and love.
I hope you take a look at your relationship and come to a healthy decision for your future. Stop letting a crappy guy make those decisions for you.Raven
@Sam, Be done, Please. Be. Done.
Peggy
He is abusive. End of story. Break it off/stop contact now. Get therapy to learn your value and how to find a healthy relationship. Good luck.. new year= new you!
Sam
Would you just leave it how it is not say anything and walk away or give it a few more days if he still doesn’t contact then call and break it off?
Raven
Why would you wait for a couple of days for him to call, you’re not considering remaining in this toxic situation?!
If you wait & then call to break it off he will blame You, as he’s done before.
Nothing. Will. Change. Nothing.
Please leave now…
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