Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Advice on why bf is like this
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 2 years, 4 months ago by
mama.
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Jessica M
Been with my bf for 3 years. Both working full time. Relationship is stable, little drama. Both fairly mature.
But looking for advice on this one behaviour.
We both have our property and most of the week I stay at his due to my workplace being mid way and his workplace is like 5 mins from his. I have a car and he doesn’t. So make sense.
I applied for a new job, which will be a promotion and I asked his opinion on it as I might need to ‘move back’/ be at my place most of the week. He’s response was – if it’s a good job then go for it.
I don’t understand, I would have thought he would want to be together instead of seeing each other less. We love staying with each other, well at least i thought so. I suppose what I really wanted to hear was ‘stay’
What are everyone’s thoughts? Am I just over thinking? Thanks
Liz Lemon
Men think differently than women. For them, success at work is extremely important. So I’m sure he sees this as a great opportunity & would never tell you not to take it. It has nothing to do with his feelings for you.
If the situation were reversed, he would take the promotion without hesitation, no question. Again, it’s not a statement on your relationship. It’s the way men think.
You wouldn’t sacrifice a promotion at work just so you can spend the week at your boyfriend’s house?
You can work out the distance issue. Maybe buy a property together? Or maybe your bf can get a car so he can drive to/from your place?
Raven
These types of questions typically get the asker in trouble…
Please don’t turn down the job/promotion if it’s offered.
Does he ever come to yours?
Tallspicy
Don’t give secret tests to men. Passive aggressive at best.
Marie
You would prefer someone who does not put your success first? You gotta be kidding….
Maddie
I’m a little confused about the underlying issue you’re upset about? It has been 3 years, so have you discussed moving in together? If not, do you want to, and you were hoping the promotion would organically lead to that conversation but it didn’t? Is this about the progression of the relationship and what’s next overall, you feel like you’re not moving forward together to next steps? If it’s any of this, remember that he can’t read your mind.
I’m not sure what about this setup even needs to change if you get the promotion, which is why I’m not sure why you wanted to hear “stay” as a declaration. He told you he supports your career and promotion, which is good. Would you still be working at the same location? Why would you need to stay with him less often if your job is still halfway so the same distance from either your place or his place?
Also agree with Liz that, if financially feasible, another solution is that he can get a car so he can be more flexible about splitting where you both spend your time.
AngieBaby
What are your ages?
Did you really want to hear “stay here full time… sell your property, marry me and you don’t have to work?”
Not trying to be snarky, just honestly wondering.
If you’re not married or engaged after 3 years together, you should still be doing the best you can do for yourself career wise and financially. “A man is not a plan.” Not these days.
Tammy
I gues this is a case of being damned either way! If he wld said no dont take up the promotion, you wld hv wondered if hes unhappy with your promotion at work.
mama
Maddie and Tallspicy bring up a good point. Is this some kind of litmus test for him? If it’s been 3 years, are you wanting it to progress in some way it isn’t? Is that why you applied for the job?
I just think you might be questioning something else. And the best way is to talk about it directly instead of tests and games.
And for the actual question, yes, supportive partners want the best for the one they love and will encourage you to go for it when applying for additional success in your career. And then the couple will figure out how to make it work. Supportive partners don’t hold their significant other back from what they want.
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