After 3 weeks of NC, he texted me

You are right. I wish I could have just brushed his text off. Unfortunately it brought all my feelings rushing back. Over the last few days I’ve been quite emotional and all over the place… Today was the first day I’ve cried in awhile and it took me some time to stop.

I have not responded to him but have thought about doing so off and on. But then I think what would I say and what is the point? I really had hoped his reaching out was the start of him coming back to me. But it doesn’t seem so… On the other hand I wonder if I were to respond if he’d feel it was OK to come forward. But then I think nope if he wanted me back he’d try a lot harder! See I’m all over the place.

Next week is my birthday and I almost kind of expect I’ll hear from him. But I may not. Either way it seems I will be let down.

I’ve been keeping busy but am still thinking about him constantly… I don’t know when I’ll stop missing him. Ugh.

Awe, I’m sorry :( True, it’s prob an ego thing… Did you guys just fade out??! Me being more heartless and detached than most would respond “Hey _______! Good to hear from you. My 4th was great, thanks. Hope you’re doing well” Then he’d crawl back, I’d toy with him a little, lure him back in then leave him high and dry just when he was getting comfortable… Burn me once and you best believe you’ll quickly realize it’s POSSIBLE to get back into my good graces, but only once you’ve jumped through a couple hoops of fire :)

It may be surprising to get a text here and there “out of the blue”. But it means nothing. Remember why you went no contact in the first place. He’s trying to get an ego boost by finding out if you still care about him/miss him, and wonders if you’d maybe be up for some horizontal action. Don’t reply!

I like this quote, maybe it applies here?

“Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you [and broke your heart]. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.” ~ Greg Behrendt from HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

Jenny… you have a lot of drama going on in your love life and the advice you gave shows why that is. If you don’t want people playing games with you… don’t play games with them. You get back what you give out, sooner or later. Your life. But I seriously wonder why you feel compelled to give such twisted advice on this site to women seeking how to get into and stay in healthy relationships.

Greenie, I love that quote! A punch in the stomach, but a necessary one. Thanks for sharing that.

“I wonder if I were to respond if he’d feel it was OK to come forward. But then I think nope if he wanted me back he’d try a lot harder!”

You are exactly right when you say this. If he wanted you back, he would make the effort. Period. This guy does not want you. So stop wanting him.

Decide right now that you won’t feel let down on your birthday. This is your decision and yours alone. Do you have plans for the day? In general, fill up your life with your passions. What are you passionate about? Spend time doing what you love and being with those you love. Avoid the mutual friends with this guy for the time being. You aren’t ready to see them, and you definitely aren’t ready to attend an event which he might attend. Focus on you and building yourself up.

Here’s something you can implement easily: Spend time every morning making yourself hot. Hair, makeup, clothes, the whole nine yards. I’m not saying dress up in a ball gown, and I’m not saying dress provocatively either. But make yourself look good. It may sound superficial, but when you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you project confidence, and people respond to that. Meet other guys – dating sites, going out with friends, etc. I agree that staying friends with exes is hard, and you have NO obligation to do so. You owe him nothing.

Just spend time on you – be yourself – be hot – put your phone down and get to living!