Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Aftermath of a breakup with fwb
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 1 year, 4 months ago by
Christie.
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Christie
I had a FWB/situationship (was never defined) for 3 months. He had said he wasn’t looking for a relationship, yet somehow I stayed, till I got emotionally entangled and somehow felt led on. Anyway, it was no longer healthy for me, so I found courage and abruptly blocked him without an explanation, and it’s been 3 weeks. Since then, I’ve been doing fine and happy.
Out of nowhere, I cried today. It wasn’t because I missed him. Maybe it was the hurt of not having been loved by him? How could I have been doing so fine, yet cry like a baby? I found the courage to end it and I’m still keeping it strong. What can I do to not find myself crying again out of nowhere?Next issue: should I delete pictures and messages I had with him? So many memories. I feel like I’m losing something that will be gone forever, especially the messages. They are proof that I used to deeply care and be cared for by someone.
Khadija
Delete everything and try to focus on other things.
In the future don’t get into another FWB situation learn from this, most women simply are not cut of for those type of situations.Raven
It’s ok to cry… It’s a purging.
Go ahead purge some more & delete the text & pics… It’s scary & freeing at the same time.
Kathy
I agree with Raven.. It’s good to cry, it’s a purging.
But I also understand you saying that the messages and pictures are proof that you deeply cared and were cared for by someone. Personally, I don’t delete if I loved someone . I don’t go back and read the texts, for me that is too painful. But I do keep the pictures and go back at my choosing. I think we are all different. And what works for some of us does not work for all. Trust your gut on this. It is is painful, delete. If it keeps you from moving on, you may want to delete too.
Maddie
One thing to consider is you may not be crying about this person in particular, but other things you seek in your life or have felt in the past were lacking. And then those upset feelings may also be about mourning lost potential or it may remind you of other people you cared about who wouldn’t be there for you in the past in the way you most wanted (even family members sometimes). But those feelings maybe got wrapped up in him because he was in front of you and it wasn’t so obvious that there’s other stuff that bothers you as well.
Either way, it’s good to mourn a loss. It means you’re processing, which keeps you from getting stuck!
Keeping photos and messages is a double edged sword in this situation. Your feelings were real, but he wasn’t showing up for you in the way you wanted and you’re romanticizing him a bit in your post. However, I personally don’t delete these things, though I do hide them somewhere and don’t look at that until I’m well over it. If you can do that and honestly go out of sight out of mind about the reminders until you’re over it, you don’t need to delete them completely. But I did find that it was much worse for me to leave reminders that I’d look at around soon after a situation ended with someone I cared about and much easier when I started hiding or blocking them (including on social media).
Mary
Personally, I don’t delete photos, block, remove from social media (I sometimes just hide them just not to see what they’re up to etc.) etc… I just…leave. For some reason, I find relief in just leaving everything as it is and focusing on doing things I did not have time for & missed, caring for myself such as eating healthy, exercising etc, so I guess it depends on what works best for you.
For some reason, the whole ‘deletion process’ carries some ‘energy’ for me, whereas I choose to not put any focus on the person anymore. In the past, I tried deleting and it made me more emotionally entangled in the whole situation.
So probably best to think what would work best for you, maybe visualising what course of action gives YOU the most comfort. And I think comfort is the good word to describe it.
Christie
Thank you for your responses.
I’ve decided to hide them away where I won’t access them easily.@Maddie, maybe I’m crying because of other things I seek. I’ll only focus on myself now.
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