Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Agreed to casual FWB, but i cant tell if hes acting weird.
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
catam.
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Emily
We agreed to be exclusive casual FWB, he even bought me sex toys, we talked about certain sexual scenarios he wants to act out sometime soon. we have met up 3 times, have had sex multiple times during those 3 visits. Neither of us want a relationship, he just got out of a serious breakup over a month ago. He recently said he couldnt hang because he had “time sensitive” things to take care of on a friday night. then didnt talk to me for 2 days. 2 days later he explains that his ex sent a message and he was messed up from it, and he needed to distance himself from me because he was forming feelings and needed to get rid of them. he wanted only a physical break from me but still wanted to text and be friends and then eventually once he gets his feelings in order want to be FWB again. He still texts me good morning, then leaves me on read after a few texts, some days he doesnts even text me at all, we have plans to hang out but its not even near my apt (where we have sex) so nothing sexual is going to happen because its going to be too far of a drive for him. When i brought up to hi that he only acknowledges me when its convienient for him his response was “when i say im busy, that means im busy and im not apologizing”. but he doesnt even bother telling me hes busy. plus he texts me first then just ignores me. But he says he texts me more than anyone else and that should say enough. Am i getting played here? am i looking too much into it? the more he ignores me, the more i want his attention and i hate it.
Raven
You wrote; ‘Neither of us want a relationship…’
You’re kidding yourself, cos you also wrote, ‘ the more he ignores me, the more i want his attention and i hate it.’
You are not cut out for a FWB, cut your losses now.
Ewa
I agree with Raven, if you want to be FWB with someone you need to realise that they won’t be messaging you or treating you like their girlfriend. In fact men who are not your boyfriends don’t need to message you everyday . He told you he doesn’t want relationship .
and in my opinion it looks like you put too much pressure on him with your texts and he is withdrawing himself from your casual arrangements .
And I disagree with your statement that he is acting weird, you are acting weird , not him.Maddie
You’re not getting played because he’s been upfront with you. You’re both just FWB and he’s trying to keep his distance to stay unattached emotionally. He’s not lying to you about the label or expectations. If that’s not really what you want, even though you agreed to it so he believes you’re okay with it, then end the arrangement.
T from NY
In my opinion FWBs don’t exist in reality. F%#k buddies, yes. FWB, no. Because someone always has feelings if you’re hanging out, texting constantly, or acting like you’re in a relationship.
The only realistic definition I think should be applied is – a FWB is a f%#k buddy that is respectful and kind and makes sure you’re physical needs are satisfied. Maybe they cuddle and chat with you after, maybe they don’t. There should zero expectations of communications unless it’s to set a time to meet and be physical. Or only communication as MUTUALLY agreed upon, or as one person feels or doesn’t feel like it.
A f%#k buddy or FWB is a transactional relationship. They can be accomplished but only if BOTH people involved resolve, and actually work hard at, being respectful AND fighting against feelings. The heart will have a mind of its own and it doesn’t care what’s prudent or good for you. The mind has to rule or someone gets hurt.
AngieBaby
Well yes, you’re getting played and you’re playing him. That’s the deal you made.
There’s a reason call girls do so well. It’s a clean exchange and a clear cut transaction.
FWB, f*** buddy, whatever you want to call it… it always gets ugly and messy unless you agree ground rules up front. If you don’t do that, the two parties always have different ideas of what’s going on and what’s acceptable and someone gets hurt for sure.
It sounds to me like this is a man with a conscience and a heart and he’s developing feelings for you and my guess is that makes him feel all kinds of uncomfortable. He is after all using you for sex only. Some men do feel bad about that. Some men can’t just f*** and walk away like nothing happened.
He also may have feelings for the ex and may be considering getting back with her. Which his his business and he has every right to.
Leave him alone. Let him contact you. Don’t try to meet up until he tells you he has his head clear, which I warn you may not happen. Just let him do all the work for a while and see what happens. He will get over himself and step up and at that point you can set ground rules, or he will fade away because he doesn’t want this arrangement for some reason any longer.
Sam
Emily, you need to be honest with yourself. You clearly want a real relationship with this man.
catam
I’m confused what the question is. If you’re FWB, then why does he need to text you at all and chat? Sounds like he is being very patient with you because he owes you zilch
catam
also “2 days later he explains that his ex sent a message and he was messed up from it, and he needed to distance himself from me because he was forming feelings and needed to get rid of them.” did he volunteer this or was this a response to you texting him and demanding an explanation for why he didn’t “text for two whole days” after being busy. i have money on the latter being true.
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