Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Alcoholic / Red Flags
- This topic has 20 replies and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by
tammy.
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Marie
I started talking to this man a week before christmas from a dating app. Everything was going great and he said all the things i wanted to hear in a possible potential mate. We met for dinner when he got back into town and things were amazing! We met the next night for another dinner date and again great. At dinner i noticed that he could drink 3-4 margaritas with no issues and then when we got to my place he would have 3-4 more beers and not even be phased what so ever. Finally we were going to sleep and he took about 30mg of Ambien. He would say weird stuff to me like “i love you” during his sleep. I just chalked it up to the alcohol and Ambien in his system. I asked the morning after if he remembered the conversation and he said no. I let that slide. One time during a date i did mention the amount of alcohol he drank and he told me “dont tell me what i can and cant do”. That ticked me off. He did mention that his mother is a raging alcoholic and i think he has the same problem. We havent been dating long enough for me to bring it up but i think its major red flags.
Come this weekend i went on a trip and didnt have cell service. He berated me for not texting him and saying i was giving him red flags and how the pictures i sent were not good enough. I realize hes stressed with working full time and full time school and moving but i dont feel like i should be treated this way.
My question is, should i bring hes drinking up or just stop talking to him altogether? Im really confused.
Raven
Stop making excuses for an abusive alcoholic.
Why would you want to live like this?!
Seriously…Marie
I guess it doesnt matter because he hasnt talked to me today. Im over it and deserve so much more than this.
Raven
Yes, You do!
Block & move forward…Honesty Rocks
The best advice I was ever given was the easiest way to avoid a difficult relationship is to not get into one. So if you get immediate red flags or uncomfortable feelings then that is a great time at the start to say no this is not for me before you are invested. So be thatstrong person dont settle or wonder just be firm and good to yourself and dont engage with losers. x
Marie
Why is it though that every guy i date things go amazing for about 5-6 weeks then all hell breaks lose? How or where do i actually find a decent man?
Honesty Rocks
That is the question Marie. I wish I knew. Im guessing you are meeting guys online mainly so that may be the problem. Maybe try more to meet people in the real world. x
Raven
There are a lot of unstable guys online, I feel you!
Online dating, heck dating period- is like playing the Lottery. You have to play a LOT to hit the Jackpot.
These guys can’t keep up the facade for more than 5/6 weeks. At some point they have to show you who they really are.
You’re seeing & meeting several guys or one at a time?
Marie
Oh my gosh yes! Dating is such a S**tshow lol. I talk to a couple of people at a time and go on one or two dates with them. After that i narrow it down to one or two.
Lane
RUN!!!!
Lane
To answer your second question, its called “time.” Anyone can be on good behavior for a short bit but eventually they start getting too comfortable and their true selves are revealed. Dating is like peeling an onion, you need to get to core before you can know who the person really is.
There are good men out there you but sometimes you have to date 100 frogs before you find finally find a good one. OR you could be like me and have the anti-relationship mentality and ONLY allow a good one, after spending non-romantic time with him for a good bit push you into a relationship haha.
tammy
agree with the posters. cut him loose. hes not the one.
Liz Lemon
I agree with the others that online dating is a huge challenge. It’s a numbers game, and there are lot of people online who are not in any position to date or have a serious relationship, and are able to hide it for awhile (as you are seeing now), but eventually their problems become clear. I also love Honesty Rocks point that if you see red flags early on, cut the guy loose. No use getting attached and invested in a guy with serious problems, like alcoholism and icky behavior (the way he berated you over nothing!).
I just wanted to point something out– you met this guy a week before Christmas so you’ve basically known him a month. But you’re saying “he said all the things i wanted to hear in a possible potential mate.” A month of knowing someone is way too soon to judge whether they’d make a good long term life partner. You have to date someone for a long time to really know that. People can talk a good game, but you have to give it time and see if their words and actions match. This guy is showing you by his actions that he’s not a good candidate for a partner.
The best thing to do when you meet a guy is go on multiple dates, observe his behavior, and keep an open mind- don’t think of him as a possible mate after a month! A guy has not proven himself after a month. Anyone can be on their best behavior for a month or two. You should date a guy at least 3-4 months, I think, before you start seriously considering him as a long term partner. And even after that, keep observing his behavior and making sure he’s truly a good fit for you.
Marie
Thank you everyone for the advice! He hasnt talked to me since sunday evening. Guess its safe to say its over!
tammy
good riddance but really it should be up to you to get rid of him. what if he gets in touch after few days? just block this guy and move on. why do you want unnecessary drama? he has disappeared and given you a good reason to simply ghost him. that’s what i would have done had i been in this situation.
marie
He and i are truly done. My friend who knew him texted him what was up and he said, “she just doesnt do it for me. never had and never will. I was trying to change what im attracted to and it failed miserably.”
I told him he has a drinking problem and he needed help. He then responded with “dude, stop your embarrassing yourself. Quit while you’re behind.”
A**hole! I did block his number but for some reason when i log onto my macbook his texts still come through?!
Raven
What/why is he texting you?
Report them as spam- You May have to block him on your MacBook too…Honesty Rocks
Jeez what an absolute douchebag. Stop engaging with him already. He’s horrific. Dodged a bullet big time. Who does he think he is.
Maddie
He’s in capital D Denial about his drinking problem and pissed you called him out. Then blames it on the women he’s attracted to for undoubtedly letting him know over and over that he needs to deal with his issues. The fact it only took about 3 weeks for his character to come out means he in no way should be dating right now. Remember, you dodged all the bullets here. Get that macbook bugged fixed so that his messages can’t get through! His messiness is not your problem, you’re not looking to date someone for whom you are a replacement mother.
Marie
He ended up texting my friend and hitting on her. What audacity this dude has. I told her she could text him and let him have it. She was just as outraged as i was!
tammy
i think you guys are wasting your energy by reacting and giving him your time of the day. he doesnt deserve it. just ignore and block.
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