Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Am I being ghosted?
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Trixie.
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Posy
Been seeing this guy now for about 4 months but we have actually known each other a bit longer so early days you could say, we have good laughs together and have had a nice amount of flirty behaviour. His usually pretty good at texting me back, will text me first too. Now and again we both go a day without texting if we are both super busy or get a sickness which I thinks completely normal behaviour on both parts right?
He said he injured his ankle the other week so seemed a little distant from that I obviously gave him some space but also was checking in on how he was feeling. Then he seemed to have perked up a bit through text messages and he said he might be going to a concert if his feeling good over the weekend which I’m guessing he went as the last time we text was Friday and now it’s Monday today I haven’t heard from him since Friday, Iv noticed his been online on Facebook so his clearly alive. I sent the last text Friday but it didn’t really warrant a urgent reply it was just general chitchat. I don’t wanna be annoying towards him
if his generally busy and look super clingy so not sure if to just leave it and see if he reaches out? A male friend said to me don’t over think as he could of just been really hungover and out with pals to have any conversation he should reach out soon.
My concern on the back of my mind though is he is possibly loosing interest in me, slowly ghosting me or something and making these things up?
I watched a YouTube video from a dating ANEWMODE expert that said you shouldn’t panic if you don’t hear back from a guy in two days and leave it a week to reach out to check in as sometimes the situation can resolve itself, as looking too needy isn’t a attractive thing. Does that sound about right?Liz Lemon
You’ve been dating 4 months- are you exclusive?
How often do you see each other in person? Does he take you out on dates?To me, that’s the important stuff to know. A guy not texting you for 2-3 days can be worrying, I know. But if you’re not exclusive, don’t see each other often and don’t go on dates (at 4 months you should be seeing each other at least once a week)– you have a bigger problem on your hands. It’s not about ghosting, it’s about whether this guy is invested in having a relationship with you. So I encourage you to look at the bigger picture. If you can provide that info, it will help people here give a better reply to you.
mama
I think you posted about this before and we said reach out if you want but you did that, now leave him be. Don’t reach out again — he’s making plans with friends (i.e., concert) but not you. Leave him be and start picking up other things to focus your time and attention on.
Posy
And no we’re not official. That’s why I’m thinking just wait a week like the ANEWMODE YouTube video says as if you’re not official and just casual dating he doesn’t owe you to act like a boyfriend and text you every day? And looking needy, clingy is not attractive.
He used to text me literally all the time and would always ask me to hang out so kinda spooked why Iv not heard from him in two days. We actually met through a work thing. The week he injured himself we was actually gonna meet up again but obviously I said to him look just get yourself well first and then we can arrange I didn’t think anything of it as Iv cancelled on him before for being sick and he was totally understanding.
Now I’m guessing he went to that concert he mentioned with some of his mates and got wasted as he said he wanted to go if he was feeling well enough, we have very different taste in music but we have other stuff in common.
I don’t expect to be by someone’s hip 24/7 I think it’s healthy for a guy to be a guy otherwise looks controlling and who wants to be controlled I don’t. But a text or something would of been nice. If his loosing interested and just not that keen anymore then I’d obviously like to know so I’m not wasting my time.Liz Lemon
I suspect he’s loosing interest. If after 4 months of dating you’re still casual and don’t know where you stand with this guy– then he’s not that serious about you. A guy who wants to make you his girlfriend will escalate contact and make sure you’re not dating anyone else.
The only way you’ll be able to gauge his interest is to sit back and do nothing. Don’t contact him. If he’s interested in you, he’ll contact you. And if he felt well enough to see his friends, then why not see you over the weekend, like mama said above? Or at least be in touch with you. Again, a guy who wants a relationship is attentive and shows it in his actions, he wouldn’t leave you hanging.
Sorry this isn’t what you want to hear. My advice is do nothing, wait for him to contact you. But also look at the situation realistically, from what you’ve written this doesn’t sound like it’s going anywhere. It’s too casual.
Posy
I have to disagree with you about the concert part only because we didn’t actually plan anything that weekend it was the week of his supposed accident we was gonna plan to meet and I was like it’s cool you focus on getting better and he said if he felt better he had a concert planned the following weekend with his mates which I guessed he went to as Iv not heard from him since plus I don’t like his music so I wouldn’t of gone anyways if I was invited. I don’t see how hanging out with your mates at a concert if his feeling better is a bad thing it’s actually a healthy thing to hang out with your mates.
But I understand the other parts like the whole not texting me thing does make me think it looks like his loosing interest and I think it’s best I do nothing and see if he reaches out. It sucks as we seemed to got on really well and was texting fine.
If I don’t hear from him after a week shale I remove him off social media?Liz Lemon
No one’s saying it’s bad that he’s seeing his friends. Of course he should see his friends. The point is, if he has time for his friends but can’t even be bothered to sent you a text, it shows that you’re a low priority.
I will add, you don’t know that he went to the concert with his friends. You’re supposing he did, but you don’t know, because he hasn’t communicated with you for days. So you really don’t know what’s up with this guy.
You’re overthinking this. Just sit back and see what he does, if anything.
Posy
Oh dear sorry I miss red what you meant my bad Hun haha!
No exactly I actually haven’t a clue if he even went or not as he hasn’t text me since Friday I was just assuming perhaps he did and got wasted and didn’t bother to reach out like my male friend said. But now it’s Monday and still I hear nothing.
Yeah I can’t help but over think unfortunately, cause the other day we was texting each other really silly funny stuff and now nothing so you’re like damn.Liz Lemon
I know it sucks, it’s agonizing when a guy you like stops communicating.
There’s nothing you can do really. I’d advise you to step back and focus on other things, hobbies, exercise, friends, and talk to other guys. This guy may resurface at some point and reach out to you, but it doesn’t seem to me like he’s that serious. If a guy wants to make you a girlfriend, he does it within the first few months. This guy is not making any moves in that direction, from what you’re saying. He seems to be keeping it casual. After 4 months he should want to reach out and tell you about the concert for example, if he saw you as girlfriend material. So it’s better to put your focus elsewhere.Posy
Completely understand where you’re coming from and I appreciate your feedback so thank you.
I don’t know if this has anything to do with it but both our last relationships we were both mentally abused so we both have been single since and went through something similar. If that has to do with anything I honestly have no idea what so ever.
I’m never one to rush into anything anyways but yeah his lack of texting makes me question that his not feeling this anymore and doesn’t really wanna see where it’s heading. I just kinda wish he would say that and I’d be super cool with it and be like it’s fine you take care. Instead of not texting someone.
That ANEWMODE YouTube video suggests give it a week get on with your life then perhaps casually reach out like hey how’s it going?AngieBaby
If another week goes by and he doesn’t text you, you have your answer. No need to text “how’s it going” – the answer is he’s fine and you’re not a priority, so you move on.
Trixie
Posie, have you only been hanging out and texting with this guy or is he taking you out on proper dates? Do NOT put any weight at all on texts. In fact, do NOT initiate them and your dating life will get much simpler. If a guy is not asking you out on proper dates, he has no intention of eventually getting serious and you should not be emotionally investing in him until you can FEEL he is falling for you.
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