Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Am I clingy/needy?
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Ss.
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Liv
Me and my bf have been together for over a year now. We’re definitely past the honeymoon phase and I’m having a hard time processing that. He’s had a few relationships before and they were for 2-4 years each so serious long term ones, whereas this is my first every relationship.
For the first few months, he’s always texting and phoning me and we talk for hours. However, lately I feel like we’re not. Obviously there are life things like work, the pandemic, bills and financial worries but I just feel like we don’t text or call like we used to. He told me he’s not into texting but I can’t help but read back on all of our texts before and reminiscing about the good times.
I don’t wanna come off as clingy or needy but he can go days e.g. a whole weekend without texting or calling me. He’s dealing with a lot at the moment especially with bills and work stress but is it me who’s insecure or is it him?
He said he loves me when we get off the phone but does it really mean it or just saying it automatically as we both say it?
I feel like things are not like they used to be. He did initiate and ask me if I fancy doing something this weekend but I already had plans so didn’t see each other.
Would appreciate any advice on staying in a relationship after the honeymoon phase. Is what I described called ‘falling out of love and he’s no longer interested’ or ‘ we’re settled into the relationship and comfortable not needing constant reassurance’?
He also mentioned this one time when I seemed worried because I didn’t hear from him, that I shouldn’t need constant reassurance about us, he said we’re good. He likes to disappear every now and again.
Newbie
I would not judge any relationship on texting habits as to me they play very little part in the whole picture. If he is not into texting then he is not into texting. He might have done it at first but now his focus shifted back to normal. And think of this: when youre busy how much fun is it to see random texts pop up with meaningless convo’s? No fun at all. Now you have to answe but when you do you know textgate opens. So when it comes to that i do think you focus too much on it.
But if you dont have regular dates and he goes off whole weekends without you knowing where he is, then i say Yes that is a focus point. After a year i think you will get closer as a couple and that feeling doesnt come from more texting but letting each other in, being a true part in each others lives etc etc. If that is not happening but you date now and them and not even consistent on several days then i think its not going anywhere more steady. Which maybe not so bad, depending on your age. His past relationships may predict the future for you. Is he has had a few long term relationships that got called off after 2-4 years there have to be reasons for it. What were they and were they the same? Also if he has had a few already and you didnt does that also mean you are a fair bit younger than he is?
When it comes to relationships you must communicate. And the tricky part about it is you must ask for what you want but without forcing the other side to do it. Working out that part will tell you if you are compatible or not.Tallspicy
Check out a book called Mars Venus on a date. It has a lot on this….
Liv
Thanks for your reply Newbie. I’m 23 and he’s 26 and he rarely talks about his ex-gfs, just that he’s had 4 gfs before me, two of them cheated on him and the 3-4 year one was he’s first gf in high school when he was 15 or 16.
What do you mean closer as a couple? Like what? I do feel closer in the sense that we are very comfortable around each other. Like we are immersed into each others lives, I wouldn’t say completely but definitely in each others in a way.
He isn’t very communicative, especially when it comes to feelings, I’m usually the one who initiates and he’ll quietly agree or listen. He’s very much an ‘alpha male’ but he’s very sweet on the inside when it comes to his family and loved ones. But I find communication a bit difficult with him. He likes to come off as strong and tough.
I love him very much, we both love each other but I’m really scared for some reason. I spoke to him a week ago for a general chat to see where we are as a couple and everything and he said he’s got something major going on, I won’t get into it here, and I told him that I want to be by each others side when going through tough times and asked his thoughts on this and he said he wants me to stay.
Anyway, I just wanted to check his texting/ phoning habits is not a sign of losing interest or falling out if love. Because I can’t help but think, is he thinking about me his weekend? Am I on his mind if he’s not texting or phoning me?
Ss
My bf is rubbish at texting me but he does call every few days if we aren’t together. So don’t put too much store into texting habits.
I wouldn’t like a whole weekend with no contact and personally i think you should trust your gut. Yes sometimes it can just be baseless anxiety but you come across as quite measured and haven’t been blowning up his phone like many others (wrongly imo) would do in this situation. Clearly something feels off … only you know if you are the type to be baselessly anxious or not. If not then I’d step back and observe as something will come out if there is something going on
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