Am I crazy for ending things? Please help!

Thank you! I guess you’re right. I have very low self-esteem (have been mostly single for 6 years) coupled with putting all my eggs in one basket for this one since I haven’t been feeling well I feel like I did something to push him away:( As I am approaching 30 I can’t help I am the common denominator in being single. Although most of my friends think it’s NYC I think I am doing something wrong.

I think you put a wall up cuz of your health condition and the fear of rejection and being hurt, which is completely fine because you’re being you. Nothing is wrong with having that kinda fear. It’s actually an indication of how the other person is not right for you because he’s making you feel this way. Your emotions and feelings won’t lie to you. If he is the right fit for you, you won’t be feeling this way at all, simple as that. If you met the right fit, you’ll feel loved, fulfilled and secure. Your insecurities are signs that he’s not the right fit. It’s ok that you slept with him, as long as it doesn’t affect your health. Don’t worry about it, you had the pleasure so just focus of that. Nobody needs to know who or how many people you slept with, everyone has sexual needs including yourself! Don’t put too much stress on yourself. You’ve already initiated the break so just let it be and don’t contact him. He will come to you if he really likes you. I know human tends to get things that they can’t have, but you need to be stronger than that. Focus on what’s good for you, focus on your happiness and your health! Good luck!

Emma, stop over thinking and projecting /trying to read into the future. If you like him,calm ,down,slow down and see what happens. Let him lead and if he seems hot and cold and not sure, then you can slow down/withdraw more. Be you and do not calculate what you should say or do/act etc. Be real and true to yourself and trust your instincts/intuition. Time will tell.

First of all, please stop calling yourself stupid and a whore. Making a bad decision or a mistake doesn’t make you a whore, it makes you human. You do have your dignity, if you choose to behave in a dignified way.

You admit to having low self-esteem. The way to get higher self esteem is to start behaving in the way you would behave if you had high self-esteem. One thing people with self respect don’t do is they don’t call themselves whores or stupid. Not to themselves and most especially not to other people – you are inviting people now to call you stupid and a whore. So please stop that.

I took the time to recommend a great resource and it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything to truly help yourself. Not even a thank you for the suggestion. If you can’t treat me with respect and appreciation when I’m trying to help you, I can only imagine how you treat the people you know in person. And you are not treating yourself well.

I’m not going to hold it against you, because you are probably doing the best you can. My self-worth doesn’t depend on you taking my advice. But your self-worth would improve greatly if you considered some longer-term solutions like working on yourself and building up some real life skills. Lots of luck to you.

M..I’m sorry you feel disrespected! That was not my intention! I appreciate the time you’ve taken to help me and I appreciate everyone’s responses. I have tried to work on my self esteem for years through therapy/ reading, etc. I have good months and bad months. The lack of being able to have a long-term relationship for 6 years has been very hard for me. And as I’m approaching 30 I feel like a failure and it is so hard for me not to internalize it!

He started texting me again last night so I feel high anxious as to how to act/ response/ whether to keep this going. I think I will need to do the slow fade. Thanks again.

In need of advice/ support again. After last weekend I finally decided to be done and of course the moment I make this decision he starts to text a lot. I respond not to be rude but don’t keep the convo going. He continues to text and I stop responding to which he sends sad faces, etc. Finally I ask what he expects from me and i tell him I deserved hearing from him after friday. He reminded me how often he reached out the days following, etc. and how he wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear from him ( I guess because I had asked for a break prior to the night I saw him).

I went on to tell him getting dinner/hooking up once a week was not the kind of substance I’m looking for and that maybe if he made an effort to come to my apt/ get to know my life things would be different. He responded by telling me he knows he’s been moving slowly but I’m the first girl he’s had feelings for since his ex in 6 years and he’s reserved, etc.and that he’s sad that rather than work on it I’m cutting things off. I told him that I can’t be what he wants me to be (which in my mind is nursing him back to health). And he said it’s probably because he doesn’t know what he wants me to be but he enjoys spending time with me. I asked him what he wanted and he said “I dunno, just spend time together be in the moment.”

I told him I can’t do this right now and can only be friends. He told me he can’t be friends because of his feelings for me but will do anything for me so I shouldn’t be afraid to reach out if I need anything.

Now I’m totally doubting myself with all of this! I feel like maybe this guy is really guarded and rather than continuing to cut things off I need to tell him face to face as things bother me, be patient, etc. I have never been in a situation where a guy is so emotional/ sharing feelings for me in texts but not showing he cares. I’m so lost yet again.

GM Emma. Sending you some +mojo :)

You are spot on in everything that you have told him and with your actions. You’re handling this really well in how yiu are dealing with it and in your reactions to what he says and does.

I like how you have been standing up for what you want and not just going along with what he wants. You are doing/saying exactly what you should be for where you are at in life. Being congruent with how you act and what you say is a difficult thing for most people.

You don’t lose your dignity just because you had sex with him. Sex is not the end all, be all. Yes, it’s way better having sex when it’s the love of your life. But just having sex to have sex or to just fill your sexual needs is ok too. Take it for what it is.

I know that it a self-esteem thing but I think it’s also an Emma thing as well (as in how you view yourself and view the world). So instead of beating yourself up about the “mistakes” you make in your life, don’t view them as mistakes, views them as conscious choices or as crossroads that you encountered. That’s all, they are paths that you chose at the time where you maybe zigged instead of zagging. Nothing more than that. There are no right or wrong answers. It’s a daily journey.

You’re a good person Emma. Remind yourself of that. You’re going thru a lot in your life right now but know that you’re not going thru it alone. I don’t even know you (prolly never will) but I can believe in you. On days when it’s hard for you to believe in yourself, I can believe for you. You dont do life alone. Not many of us do. So find those ppl in your life who make a difference for you. Find those ppl who are always there for you.

One of the most important ppl in my life is my cat. He’s always there for me (and me him). Even on days when I’m super busy and don’t feel like I have time for him, I force myself to stop and give him my time when he wants it. It’s a two way unconditional street. No doubt.

Emma, thx for the opportunity to interact with you. Thx for being a part of my life and for being you. Your posts remind me to be thankful for what I have and for who I have in my life. I send you my best wishes and know that what you are doing will turn out well for you in the end. Hang in there and keep at it. Taco Emma and HAG:D

Tom

omg Emma this situation is all too familiar to me. I live in NYC too btw. I was in the same spot as you when i met this guy earlier this year. And eventually i did exactly as you did and cut him off. I told him exactly what I was feeling and he admitted to me in plain english that what i wanted and deserved he couldn’t do for me right now. 8 weeks later he reaches out to me to talk/ apologize and we’ve kinda pressed a reset button. I know sometimes it’s frustrating but i also believe in taking chances. Even after so much space and time both of us still couldn’t let go of each other. And while we’re slowly getting to know each other again, i just don’t add physical in so i can think with a clear head. AKA i’ll kiss him but nothing further until i know truly how i feel. But i do think it’s telling that even after this time you and this guy still come back to each other so maybe you owe it to yourself to explore those feelings. Just be sure to not add the physical in and let him do all the work and just sit back and observe his consistency with what he says.

I worry about your health. As someone w/ a chronic illness, I know how much your bad days wear on you and how hard it is to get thru those days. Pretty tough. Stay in the positive. Focus on those things that don’t drain energy away from you and that you need to get thru your illness. Keep moving forward and connect with those ppl that will help you get thru the day. GB

You are in this now with eyes wide open. Any hurt is all on YOU.

If you can’t control yourself…? Don’t expect other people to respect or not take advantage of you.

he lost his right to “yummy” you… that really bothers me..

Right now this is all your different emotions talking. I think you need time for them to settle.

If you read your update objectively as if it were someone else, you’d see they were better off without this guy.

Remember that if he truly wanted to date you, he would. He would impress you & beg for a chance to do it right. Instead he says haha no worries, yummy, calls you a friend & to not say you were there, & adding girls. That does not sound impressive, does it?

You just need time & to take care of yourself

Thanks for all the feedback. I guess I keep on thinking if I was good enough and someone he saw himself with he wouldn’t have been so emotionally unavailable and that’s a burn to know when he meets the right woman he will act different . It sucks. And it’s the same pattern with me for the last 6 years. I date men who seem unavailable/ not interested in a real relationship and then within a few months they ARE in a relationship with someone different. How am I not supposed to take it personally?