am i in the wrong here?

Not everyone wants to hear about another’s past relationships. Some have this compelling need to talk about it but others don’t; whereas a good point of reference is that if the others isn’t talking about theirs then you don’t talk about yours.

I will tell you what I do know about men…RESPECT is on their high list of needs and if they feel disrespected they are going to show you by pulling back. Its instinctual, its a man’s way of saying “I feel disrespected by you.” I be he has said something to you about not wanting to hear about your past relationships, you refused to listen (disrespected him), and kept bringing it up at which point he pulled back so he didn’t have to hear it.

My BF was doing this before we got together and I point blank asked him “are you still in love with her because you sure do talk about her a lot!” That was my way of saying “If you are still so wrapped up in your past relationship then I don’t want to proceed with you any further.” He said he wasn’t and just giving information about his past but that’s not how I want to get to know someone. I want to know their interests, if their words and actions mesh, how they handle problems, how they communicate, etc. Those are the traits and qualities I look for, not stuff that happened in pasts relationships because it didn’t put him good light and was seeing it as a major “red flag” telling me not to proceed because he sucks in relationships and why get into a relationship with someone who sucks in them.

So what if he’s talking to a girl. Are you so insecure that you can’t allow your BF to talk to the opposite sex? I know men who like me and reach out from time to time, usually starting with “how are you doing, haven’t spoken to you in awhile.” I keep the responses neutral like I would with any “friend” and if they ask if I want to go do something with them I kindly turn them down because that would be disrespectful to my BF. There are a couple I do hang out with but my BF knows them well, that we are just platonic friends, and will even tell me to tell them hi for him lol.

What I’m trying to say is if that you don’t trust or respect him then this relationship will not work because you don’t have a solid foundation to build off of. I trust my BF because he hasn’t done anything major, at least that I know of, to not trust him over the past three years. If he did I sure as heck wouldn’t wait until I explode, if I have an issue I confront him right there and then, and if there was ever a time he was unable to assure me it was nothing I need to be worried or concerned about, that’s the moment I walk away because I refuse to be in a relationship where there is no trust or respect for the other. I would rather be single and happy over being in a relationship and miserable—don’t have the care nor time for that nonsense!

in a nutshell, this isn’t a matter of being right or wrong, its that it doesn’t sound like your relationship has ever been on solid ground. If the two of you can’t sit down, communicate calmly like two mature adults and work together, as a team, to find a solution that you can both be happy with, then this relationship is not going to last long.

I think you read the situation correctly. He threw it in your face so that you could justify his behavior. The only advice I would have would be to directly confront something instead of “blowing up” days later. But you’re hardly in the wrong here. I wouldn’t make any big moves here and wait for him to take the lead.

I can only say that every time I made a mistake with a guy, it was when I ignored my instinct.