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Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Am I over reacting?
Jippity.
Help?
Today in a fit of an argument my fiancée said that he would “smash my face in”. He’s never been violent to me until today nor has he ever threatened me like this.. Am I over reacting by saying I’m worried about this?
Janet
Well, it’s not something someone should say; especially not in a fit of rage.
I’d walk away from this one. If he’s angry enough to think this, let alone say it, I’d say this isn’t a good bet.
Jo
Wow. How could you consider staying?
Tallspicy
Jo, you know nothing about this and suggesting ending it may or may not be a good suggestion. No, it is not good, but we know nothing about what happened and the context.
That said, threats of physical harm are never really ok, and you will need to express that to him when cooler heads prevail
Tallspicy
It is a major orange flag, especially if it is escalating over time. And if he won’t acknowledge it or fix it.
Jennifer
A threat of violence is a deal breaker. Don’t wait around to find out if he means it or not.
caetru
Having been in an abusive marriage, I know that abusive behavior escalates overtime. You certainly don’t want to find out later down the road that you are involved in an abusive marriage and children are involved. Personally, I don’t think you are over reacting. I would suggest that you two talk about it and keep an eye out for any other signs of abusive language or behavior and wait to get married until you feel confident that it was a one time thing.
Jo
Tallspicy, I do know something about this. I know he said he would smash her face in, and I believe it would be a terrible mistake to stay with someone who said that to her. I have the right to express that view.
You sometimes give advice that makes me think you don’t know what you’re talking about, but I would never tell you don’t have a right to express your opinion. Maybe you could treat other posters with that same respect. You don’t know me or others on here so perhaps you could dial back your arrogance and consider that maybe your view isn’t the only valid one. The point of these forums is, after all, to hear different opinions.
K
Major “orange” flag?? Are you kidding? SMH. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion of course, but in my book that’s a red red red flag all the way. I’m with Jo on this one. Boundaries, for crying out loud.
It is 100% unacceptable and very sinister and creepy for anyone to say during an argument “I’m going to smash your face in.” That’s instant grounds for permanent break-up and the only way to fix is if that person admits they were very wrong and went to therapy and I got to have some joint sessions with the person and the therapist to understand what happened and ensure the issue was solved before I’d agree to reunite.
Jippity
I don’t have much to add to what K said, I totally agree.
The only addition would be to tell a couple of your closest friends or family. People you 100% trust.
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