Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Am I overthinking it?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 2 years, 8 months ago by
Lane.
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Clara
I’ve been seeing a guy for almost 2 months. We had been hanging out and going on dates consistently up until the end of March, when he informed me he was going on a trip to Whistler. I saw him Friday March 18th and before we parted ways we planned to see each other the following Tuesday March 22 before his trip to Whistler. Monday night came around and he said he had a last minute change of plans and he was leaving for Whistler the next day until the following weekend. I thanked him for letting me know and told him to have fun. We left it at that and he messaged me a few pictures a few days later on Friday March 25. We exchanged a few messages back and forth but I didn’t think much of it since he was on a trip after all. I didn’t hear from him again until almost a week later on Thursday 3/31. He texted me saying he just got back from Whistler the night before and he wanted to see me before his trip to Oregon the following day. He said he was going to a concert at 7 pm but that I could call him when I got off work. I had plans that evening so I replied saying that I coulnd’t see him tonight but when he returned from Oregon we should get together. He never responded and now I feel like he’s not interested in seeing me again. It’s been almost 3 weeks since the last time I saw him and if he really wanted to see me he would have tried to make plans before hand when he knew he would be back in town. I keep thinking I should have just called him and talked to him, but now I feel like he might feel rejected by me text saying I couldn’t see him. I just don’t know what to think. Help!
Maddie
It sounds like he’s been trying to squeeze the last out of the ski season? There’s often no reception if he’s in the mountains. I don’t think what you’re saying is promising, and you should just lean back and see what he does. But he also sounds like the type of guy who has tunnel-vision, only responds to what’s in front of him, and since he can’t see you for another few days then he may think there’s no point in making more plans until he’s actually back. I’m not personally very compatible with that type of person, but it works for some people.
You did all you needed to do, though. You didn’t reject him, it was last minute and you were busy and said you’d still want to get together again once he’s back. So, he knows what you want, now he needs to get his butt in gear and put in the effort you deserve! If he’s not initiating plans as soon as he’s back and picking up the momentum again, then you should move on. A lot of guys start to get distant after 2-4 months because they don’t actually want to transition from dating into a relationship. It’s disappointing if that’s the situation, but you’re better off finding out (by observing their actions) if that’s the case sooner than later.
Liz Lemon
What Maddie said. You did absolutely nothing wrong! This guy has barely communicated with you since March 18th– that was almost 3 weeks ago. A guy with a romantic interest, who was interested in escalating things with you, would want to see you and talk to you! It honestly sounds like this guy is fading out. Like Maddie said, it’s not uncommon for guys to fade after a couple months of dating.
You didn’t mention if you two are exclusive– I assume you’re not. He could be dating other women and that’s why he suddenly has no time for you.
Sorry this isn’t what you want to hear. My advice is to lean way back at this point and let him reach out and initiate. Talk to and date other guys in the meantime, don’t sit around waiting for this guy.
Tammy
I dont think you did anythng wrng. He askd you at the last min when you already had prior plans. Its not rejection. And u did say lets connect post his trip. But he didnt. If i was in your place i wldnt spend too much time pondering over this. Move on. Unless he gets in touch.
Lane
I know its difficult to just un-connect when you feel a connection has been made but its a skill you need to adopt and learn in dating. Like the others said, the first two to three months is the infatuation stage. The guy starts thinking “is this someone I can see a future with?” and if they cannot form that picture they start the process of detaching and either fading out or disappearing.
My youngest son did this A LOT. He told me they are great ladies but started to lose feelings and couldn’t see a future with them. It wasn’t intentional as he really wanted to be “in love” but just couldn’t get there. He eventually did and is now planning a future with her.
This is why you cannot put a lot of stock in early dating, and shouldn’t just focus on one guy but continue to meet and date others too because that way you can allow the one’s who lose feelings to weed themselves out so you can continue to date the the guys who wants to stick around, and you get to chose if you want to stick around with him. Best case dating scenario :o)
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