Am I Overthinking This?

Thanks, anon. I agree. And actually when I read your post, I thought of something. I met a guy a couple months ago and he just kept telling me how pretty I was, over and over. We kissed, but that was all. The next day he texted me constantly, said he wanted to see me again, more compliments. He asked what I was doing that night and I told him I was decorating cookies. He asked if I would bring the cookies over there so he could join me in decorating. I ended up going and we had a good time. Still, we just kissed but that was all. The next day he texted me and said he thought it was weird that we didn’t go further, that he isn’t used to it, called me a “prude” THROUGHOUT the day, and he never asked to see me again. So I kind of feel like that’s what this guy is doing…but he’s just a lot kinder than the other guy, so he isn’t going to text me and be mean like that, he just…isn’t going to text me…I guess.

I agree with you though. If he does text me and we do continue things, it really needs to slow down a lot. I hope he does text me, just because 1.) I know I did NOTHING wrong, and 2.) I don’t want to be ghosted by a guy who has taken me to an expensive show, paid for a hotel, made reservations at an expensive restaurant, and made future plans to take me to the mountains…it’s just not something that’s easy to deal with. Either way though, I am confident that I did nothing wrong here.

So my friend and I were just talking and she said she assumes he’ll reach out to me Thursday evening on his way back. I asked why she thought that and she said, “because he’ll be hoping to get something from you Friday night.” NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR! Haha.
Does anyone else agree with this?

“he ordered me 3 shots of whiskey on ice, which is NOT my drink of choice, EVER…but it definitely would have gotten me drunk if I drank it”
He even made the comment “let’s see if Walgreens is open and we can get some condoms.” Even though I had told him I didn’t want to have sex yet.
You replied to his text: “Anyway, no response. 6 hours later, I sent him a link to a hotel that I thought he had told me about and asked if it was the one he said he wanted to take me to here in a few weeks. Again, NO RESPONSE.”

Honey, this guy is a scumbag. Why do you even need to ask us what to do? I agree with your friend. He was hoping to have sex with you and is ignoring you now because you put the brakes on him.

The most worrying part is what you wrote here: “I hope he does text me, just because 1.) I know I did NOTHING wrong, and 2.) I don’t want to be ghosted by a guy who has taken me to an expensive show, paid for a hotel, made reservations at an expensive restaurant, and made future plans to take me to the mountains…it’s just not something that’s easy to deal with.”
WHO CARES ABOUT GETTING GHOSTED BY A SCUMBAG! Who cares if he took you out and spent money on you if he only did it to get in your pants! You’re dodging a bullet if he “ghosts” you! It has nothing to do with you or your worth. It has everything to do with him being a $hitty person.

I hope he DOES ghost you, for your own good. And I think you really need to step back from dating and do some self-evaluation. From what you’ve written, you have a history of attracting guys like this….guys who lay it on really thick because they want sex, and then dump you when you don’t put out. You really, really need to work on your filter when it comes to guys. Like anon said, healthy relationships start slowly. Love takes time to develop. It takes time to get to know someone and bond with them emotionally. Any guy that comes on as hard and fast as the ones you’re describing should be a huge red flag to you and you should run the other way.

Thanks, Liz. You’re right. I’m just gonna block him, honestly. I’m to the point where I don’t want to see a response even if he does send one, and I definitely don’t want to be used while his 3 year old daughter is sleeping 15 feet from his bedroom. Thanks for your kind, but straightforward response. I appreciate it :)

I don’t really know what else to say here. You have been given lots of great advice from Liz and Anon, but you aren’t getting it or taking it. I second all of their comments and I don’t understand how you still dont see this for what it is and even worse, you WANT to continue with him. He is disgusting and is only interested in sex and if you do not see that, Liz is correct, you should not be dating. Even going back to your last story about the cookies, yes, that man sounds like a jerk, but how could you not have seen that invite to his place with cookies as a ploy? As a general rule of thumb, if you do not plan to sleep with a man, you should not do any home dates until you do. Also, a man you just met having you to his home and serving you pizza and wine isnt really the most romantic or generous thing, so im not sure why you feel loyalty to him for that or that he has invested that much in you at this point. Can I ask how old you are? Because you are either very young and naive or completely not suitable for dating until do some soul searching and work on your self esteem and self worth and your standards. The fact that you are still overanalyzing this situation and not seeing it for what it is (lies from a man trying to sleep you and nothing more) is mind boggling. Also, just because he told you he told his family members about you, and told you he wanted to take you to the mountains, doesnt mean anything. I believe these also to be lies and you should. In fact you have far more evidence of him being a scumbag from the couch, whisky and walgreens examples than you have any evidence of him being a gentleman. You need to open your eyes and see this for what it is. He is ghosting you and you should be relieved. Maybe you will hear from him when he returns, personally i doubt this, i think he has moved on after you spent the night and didnt sleep with him. This is completely your decision and you shouldnt feel bad about that, but i would caution you as a grown woman against sleeping in a bed with a man you just met if you are not ready to be intimate as this sends the wrong message to the man. I beleive he has moved on. If he comes back it is strictly for sex and you should know that. I would not accept his invitations going forward as this man wants nothing more than that, regardless of what lies he is feeding you and you are believing. To be completely honest, his lies arent even that good! I can’t believe you are falling for this behavior.

You have been given a lot of good advice, now you need to stop being so naive and hearing only the things you want to hear and start taking it.

Good move!! Keep your standards high and pay attention to these behaviors from the beginning and you’ll start attracting better men.

Please please please look for therapist who is an attachment and trauma specialist. Specifically ask about their ability to move people from anxious to earned secure. If I did it, so can you.

Honey, I am sorry to say this, but you are a hot hot hot mess. You seem really sweet and lovely, but you have a lot of work to do! And I believe you can do it!!!!!!!

A. Attraction to men who go too fast by going really overboard (I have been exclusive within 3 weeks before, but we still only saw each other 2 times a week until about 6 weeks) And I would have been fine if he left
B. Giving that man all your time before he earns it – where is your life? What about your hobbies and plans
C. Willingness to see someone who is not a great dad
D. Believing all this verbal garbage about never leaving you after one week? And getting excited instead of turned off by it.
E. Being overly concerned about him texting you and then texting several times in an attempt to get attention/validation.***** this is a major one for anxious attachment

When you are dating – here are the rules
A. You do not initiate contact with anyone you think is pulling back
B. In fact, you do not initiate contact at all until he is your boyfriend
C. You do not date until you can date with giving 0 f^ucks about a man until he is your boyfriend. Not what you do, not what he does.
D. You pat attention to what he says and does, and look and pay attention to red flags
E. You have a life and you maintain it, and fit him in, not vice versa
F. Words and actions have to match. There is no world where talking about rings so early is anything but gross, except that your attachment o meter is broken and you need to fix it

If you take only one piece of advice from this thread, please take this one from Tallspicy:

C. You do not date until you can date with giving 0 f^ucks about a man until he is your boyfriend. Not what you do, not what he does.

You’ll save yourself a ton of headaches and heartaches if you just remember that one thing.

100% agree, Tallspicy!

Yeah this was a textbook case of love bombing 2.0. And you getting a bad vibe from Bumble while red flags were piling up everywhere. I was reading through it and it got weirder with every update. But dont worry, we are stumble upon a guy like that once. I do think you should prepare yourself for the fact that this guy will reach out to you again. And you have to realize you got infatuated with this guy so it will be hard to resist. I really hope you can, because this guy will be able to do a lot of damage if you stay so gullible in believing sweet whispers. I even find the fact you blocked him less than 24 hours after you said you want to keep this going as signs of unstableness concerning this guy. Im not saying anything bad, just warning you about the horrible side efffects of getting infatuated real fast with the wrong guy. All the best and plenty of time to find mr right:-)

Maybe you should have asked for the whole budget already hahaha

Im actually glad for you he put a halt on this and also think you not giving in to sex gives you this clear answer now. He was a total nutjob really. But anyway, try to read the book why men love bitches. It will for sure teach you never go to a guys place again to decorate some cookies. I know thats the other guy but still. You really really need to stop pleasing guys that didnt deserve it. And you will.

I’m glad for you that things ended the way they did. Hopefully this guy will leave you alone from now on- it sounds like he will, since he didn’t get what he was after (sex). I know you didn’t ask for advice, but if I were you I wouldn’t even reply to his message, I’d just delete him from Snapchat and move on.

He asked you what kind of diamond you wanted on the 2nd date, OMG, I would have run out of that date screaming! ;-) Seriously though I hope you’ve learned something. You seem like a truly sweet and genuine person. Unfortunately it’s the sweet, kind people that a$$holes target. You have to learn to be less gullible. I’m sure you will! Let this be a learning experience for you. And just remember, any guy who is sincere about wanting to develop a relationship will take things at a more reasonable pace.