Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Am I right to freak out?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Pilouta
I’ve been on a couple of dates with a guy I met on a dating app and we slept together over the weekend. I didn’t intend to initially but we have great chemistry and it happened.
He took me out on a nice date where he knew I would like the food and the music based on our conversations on our previous date and when the place closed early because of Covid, we went back to his. Had some great conversations and a drink (none of us was drunk) and then he put some candles on and I knew what was coming next… I’m really attracted to him so I wanted to sleep with him but remembered he still hadn’t asked for my number and we were still communicating through the app which I thought was weird. I asked him why and he said he didn’t think about it and only realised it as we were about to meet that evening. We had sex and he came almost as soon as I touched him down there and said it was because I was so beautiful. But he more than made up for it soon after. He then invited me to stay over and cuddled me all night long.
We had sex again in the morning and again he came quite quickly and said it was because I was so good at it… Big cuddles followed and then he grabbed his phone to check the time and messages and seemed completely at ease with me seeing his screen while I was still resting on his shoulder (not that I looked but could have if I wanted to).
He prepared a nice breakfast and we were chatting comfortably and then I said I had to leave because I had plans later on and he said he also was going to go for a late lunch with a friend. As my taxi arrived and I was putting my coat on, he kissed me and said he would ask for my number on the app which I thought was odd… I didn’t show it though and made a joke about it and our goodbye was not awkward.
He messaged me the next day and asked me how the rest of my Sunday went and a couple of questions and then he said “Would you please give me your number my lady?”. I replied with a nice message and then said “Sure, if you insist” with a smiley face and gave him my number.
It’s been 4 days and no news either on the phone or on the app… He is not a big texter and he has always communicated every couple of days up until now, except after a date when he sends a message the next day. Am I overthinking this and feeling vulnerable because we slept together or should I be worried he got what he wanted and not interested anymore?
Newbie
This is such a common scenario. If you read a few posts here. Again its fine to have sex with a guy but do you really think its the stepping stone to something if he doesnt even have your phone number or you havent adressed sexual exclusivity? Why do you date? I think you really need to think about that and also realize you cant sex a guy in a relationship. Guys need way more time to bond over non sexual activitites. Two dates and sex wont do the trick. Neither should that be for you.
I think you need to change the way you date. Get to know a guy first. Know what he is looking for. What makes him tick. What goals he has, what kind if man he is. You deserve to know this kind of things. Dont rush yourself in the bedroom of you are looking for serious. You see now where it gets you. You are all anxious and he is dead silent. Thats maybe not because of you. . Maybe he only wants casual sex. Maybe he has sex with two other girls on the roster. Who knows? Knowledge is power you knowmama
Let’s be clear — at the beginning of this post, you said you were into him as much as he was into you (“I’m really attracted to him so I wanted to sleep with him”), so you decided to sleep with him. Now that he hasn’t called, you rephrase it as “he got what he wanted” …
Don’t turn this into a situation where you were taken advantage of. I do think he sounds like a player but that’s why you set up boundaries and standards for yourself and stick to them. You CHOSE to sleep with him before he even had your real number. Please don’t turn this around on him. You both were playing a bit of a game. You can’t sex someone into a relationship.
I’m guessing he’s a hit it and quit it kind of guy, but you would have been able to see that more clearly if you waited a while. As it is, the situation you described was exactly conducive to a hookup only. I’m not judging that — I’ve had hookups too but don’t assume it will turn into anything but what it is: A hookup. And don’t disparage another person when things don’t turn out the way you want.
He’s a player and you acted like a sure thing — and it’s okay. I’m sure he’ll be calling again. If a series of hookups is not what you want, then don’t respond.
mama
wow, newbie… we posted almost the same thing at the same time about trying to sex someone into a relationship. I hope she hears us.
Pilouta
I get your point and I maintain that I was attracted to him and wanted to have sex with him, no one forced me. I got what I wanted but I also want to continue to get to know him as I thought we were getting on well. I was hoping I was actually more than sex and interesting enough that he would still want to see me. Not asking him to commit to me or marry me, just to keep seeing each other and then que sera, sera…
I’m confused by all the cuddling and lovely attentions and the fact he messaged me the next day. Nothing in his attitude before or shortly after sex showed that I was just a hookup he cared nothing about. I have had hookups where I knew exactly what it was by the way me and the guy acted, and didn’t mind or want to hear from the guy again. This felt different.
Lesson learnt. I’m just mesmerized how men can want intimacy just for a fleeting moment and then just move on without a care in the world…
Newbie
The fact men cuddle doesnt mean much. I also find his lines where he came quickly over the top smooth. Its not that having sex diminishes the changes of getting somewhere longterm. But iit does diminish it the next step proces as you cant talk about being exclusive anymore. Like i had hook ups but with guys i fancied i only wanted to have sex if we agreed to being exclusive (not bf/gf). I dont think thats too much too ask if you are both dating for serious. I didnt want to think about the idea i was in a sexual roster with someone.
This guy you dont know. Thats the main issue. Guys can sweet talk anything first few months and mean nothing about it long term. Only in the moment. If you really want to get a guy, do activitites with him, not have sex.Newbie
Like mama, im also sure he will reach out again but for more sex unless he makes ot clear he wants to date you to get to know you. But 4 days of silence is guy code for: dont expect commitment from me so if you say Yes to a new date its on you. Google 7 steps a guy falls in love. That might help you.
Tallspicy
It is not good that he has not scheduled to see you again within 48 hours max of the first time you had sex. This is casual for him. And you learned your lesson about going with the flow and hoping it meant something.
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