Am I wasting my time?

What did you fight about? Maybe he just wants space to cool down…you’ve dated a year so most likely he cares about you..esp if he’s still in contact. Let him initiate a meeting if he keeps refusing your efforts. People don’t like to be nagged or pushed. Good luck xox

Oh honey move on. He’s looking for someone to replace you.

I’m with raven on this one.

Have you posted about this before? Something sounds familiar especially friends and family trying to change his mind about the two of you. If after all this time he hasnt made any attempt to see you and talk, i would assume its over. Especailly if it was a big fight and childish actions its sometimes hard to move on from.

To me he sounds equally childish now, like punishing you while you not know where you stand? Is that a dynamic that has been going on all this time? Maybe you should think for yourself that you two are not compatible and that you dont bring out the best Inc each other.

This sounds like a long distance relationship but you 2 are not physically separated but are emotionally separated.

Why do you let him dictate if you are still in a relationship? Do you want to move on?

Is this a cheating story? As in did you cheat in some way? It kind of sounds like it is especially because you wonb’t tell us what the fight was about even though someone asked.

This sounds sketchy. Like it’s about more than just a fight. Like something to do with trust. hmmmmmmm #weird.

Ann… first of all you need to take responsibility for your behavior. “I can act childish at times but he sometimes does things that can trigger my behavior.” Your behavior is 100% within your control and your choice. You know this is the same excuse that men who hit their wives use? They say they couldn’t help it, she set me off. You’re doing the same thing. You’re choosing to act childish to get attention. Knock it off or no relationship will ever work out for you.

How about taking the middle position here? Just back off and let him come to you when he’s ready. Stop trying so hard. You both agreed you didn’t want to break up and you’re taking it slow. So fine – go live your life and stop tugging at this situation so much. How do you feel when someone’s always tugging on you? You back away. He’s not ready to see you. OK fine. So let him come see you when he’s ready.

Sophia, I’m very glad to hear what I said helped you see what you’re really doing. I hope being aware of how you’re choosing to act and speak will help in all your relationships. Blaming others for anything is a victim game and behind the victim game it’s an attention stunt or a power play.

No one can MAKE you do or say anything, unless they’re threatening to physically hurt you. Once you realize that, life changes for the better. Your only responsibility is you.

I’m not necessarily blaming him, I know what I’ve been doing is wrong. I’m ready for some change and I’m not doing it for him I’m doing it for myself because I really want to learn how to control my emotions and not let anyone get a reaction out of me. I have started going to therapy btw and it’s been helping a lot. I would like to give it a try because I feel like I’ve been negative towards many things that have stopped me from enjoying my relationship. Better off single, thank you so much for your advice.

BOS – “it’s hard to control impulses when someone’s rubbing you the wrong way” is a total crock. That’s another version of the “he made me do it, I couldn’t help it” excuse.

It’s only “hard” when you haven’t taken 100% responsibility for yourself and words and actions. If someone’s rubbing you the wrong way – that’s 100% your issue. Your triggers are 100% your issue and not someone else’s to tiptoe around.

If someone is rubbing you the wrong way, then rather than lashing out, remove yourself from the situation and look at what the trigger is so you can dissolve it. If you’re angry, you’ve lost control and that’s the time to back off, regroup and not only regain control before you speak or act, but discover what changes you can make to close down that trigger.

Ann – he’s still getting a reaction out of you or you wouldn’t have posted here. And yes you are blaming him, read what you wrote, you said he triggers your behavior. Open your eyes – that’s blaming him.

You can’t make him do anything, let him go. You don’t need him to learn the lesson you say you’re trying to learn. It’s turned into a power struggle and I agree with Newbie, he’s just punishing you and wielding the upper hand now. Just stop playing along. When you change, he will either change or go away. But honestly, unless you can both change this is not a healthy dynamic and it’s best if you break up for real.

I found your older post In decoding his signals i think and now remember again you didnt just had a tantrum. You have done that in the whole relationship and your earlier ‘toxic’ relationship was your excuse for not trusting him. So i do still think he is giving you a taste of your medicin, but it also makes it clear that there is too much turbulence to create a stable relationship. I think you learned from this and its really good you got yourself in therapy. But give that some time. You cant change overnight plus it will be good for you too to work on yourself on your own. Without trying to make it work again. Sometimes things really get broken for good. I can understand you still want to have a talk with him and he is not treating you fair right now. But i do hope you will fond some balance and happiness being on your own for a while

@Newbie, yes like I mentioned here before I’ve done it before it’s not the first time. and yes I finally learned this time. I have enjoyed this time alone, I’ve been seeing old friends, got myself back in the gym, I’ve been reading and writing a lot. But it’s hard when he won’t stop talking to me but will not agree to see me. It’s really confusing