Am I wrong?

I’m glad you see that. It’s a red flag that he is insisting you have a “good heart”, pushing to meet when you have canceled the date and said you don’t want to, and saying that he can “catch feelings” when you are a stranger and he doesn’t know you. A healthy approach to dating starts out slow– you don’t make assumptions about feelings or a person’s character when you haven’t even met them.

Persistence in the face of being turned down is generally about control in my opinion. It doesn’t mean a man likes you a lot, or is a good prospect for dating. It means he can’t take no for an answer. Emotionally healthy men accept it when a woman says she is not interested– they don’t try to convince her otherwise.

I also agree about the initial reel he sent you, it was tacky and misogynist to imply that women only want men for their money.

I find persistence and desperation attractive. In the sense not a sexually desperate guy. I can’t explain, i just like those guys a lot who want me too much. I feel i would only ask someone again if i actually liked someone a lot or was infatuated. It shows a certain amount of childlike innocence.

I also like a lot of attention. Which emotionally healthy guys don’t provide. But toxic guys can make you feel so wanted and loved and cherished. But the endings are so bad and traumatising. By the end you feel like you probably never even knew them.

How can I meet my needs of desire and attention from emotionally healthy people without begging and asking?

Liking attention and persistence to that extent is usually because you (falsely) believe it indicates you have the upper hand and these guys are too into you to ever leave you, so in a way you feel you have (the illusion of) control in the relationship and can call the shots. Which can temporarily alleviate intimacy fears. But since things don’t really work out smoothly like that with toxic people, that’s why it ends up messy after a while.

It’s also usually because you don’t feel good enough about yourself to validate yourself or emotionally regulate yourself, so you look to others to do it for you. That’s the part that’s an issue on your side that a good therapist can help with. If you keep sticking with the patterns you’ve had, you can probably keep finding guys with bad boundaries who aren’t emotionally stable to “fill your cup” temporarily, but if you can’t fulfill yourself also without relying on that validation from men, it will never be enough.

Maddie- you are Bang on right. That’s exactly how i feel. I feel much safer with guys who are too much into me. And website or videos of podcasts or books that could help me get started on this?

Love, this is often related to attachment style issues. Do a search for Thais Gibson, she has lots of free videos as an intro. Recognizing your patterns is a really important start, and all of this stuff is very possible to work through if you want to. There’s definitely better relationships out there that aren’t toxic! My guess is her fearful avoidant videos will resonate most with you.

My experience with guys who are “too into you” is they don’t actually see you for you. You’re more of a concept for them to project their own issues and fantasies on (so they can ignore their own problems and stay focused on something else to give them meaning!), which is why it ends up becoming a total mess. It can be very flattering when you’re young, but can feel very icky too after you go through it a few times and realize there’s no emotional stability or sustainability.