Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Angry and Upset- Not Sure How to Deal
- This topic has 59 replies and was last updated 3 years, 4 months ago by
tammy.
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Liz Lemon
I totally understand being sick of taking the high road! I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong in what you did, if you needed to do it to purge feelings. I’m glad it made you feel better.
It doesn’t surprise me that they were stalking your FB page, though. I’m sure they’re both trying to justify their actions to themselves (his cheating, her staying with a guy she knows is a cheater). So they’ll do anything to look for ammunition. They’re just scummy people, and I’m glad you’ve blocked them. The last thing you need right now is harassment from them. Take care of yourself and just take things day by day.
Maddie
If they’re not connected to you and wouldn’t have otherwise seen your post, my guess is a mutual friend / acquaintance probably shared it with them. And then they were embarrassed and trying to save face. So you may get them telling people it was all your fault, now, since they are hardly emotionally mature enough to handle it better, and probably do feel you threw the first stone (even though your ex actually did by unapologetically being a terrible human). If you’re going to put them on blast, probably limit the audience to people who for sure wouldn’t personally know who you’re talking about if you’re looking to minimize drama. Or tell your friends less publicly so there’s no opportunity to forward the information and let your ex defend himself. Most people aren’t going to go back to the source to confirm your whispers of a bad breakup due to cheating, but a public declaration is always fair game for someone to be like, did you see this?? Anyway, I’m sorry you’re still hurting enough to have given him the mind space in your note, even though it’s perfectly understandable! Blocking them was a GREAT move :)
mama
Maddie has a lot of wisdom in her post. I remember reading a quote from Colin Powell years ago (and I’m not even sure it’s actually from him) about — I’m paraphrasing and adding a bit to it — You will make enemies when you do the right thing. Don’t expect accolades or rewards. You will get a bunch of sh** thrown at you sometimes for doing the right thing.
That and a free conscience is how you know you are doing the right thing FOR YOU. Would I have supported your post it note? not really but I get it. :) If you feel better now and you promise yourself to close the book and move on, not wallow around in the muck that they are living in, then okay.
But you have to make yourself that promise and stick to it. Otherwise you are just mucking around in their mess BY CHOICE.
ANM StaffKeymaster@Gaia – My apologies – your post from yesterday was indeed caught-up in the queue. Normally I check on the queue every day, even on vacation, but this week is the first time in a long time that I’ve taken a “totally disconnected” vacation, so it sat in the queue unnoticed. Let me know if you’d like to publish it — or, if it’s “old news” now, I can leave it alone.
mama
I support unplugging for moderators. You do a great job!!!! I hope Gaia will respond
Gaia
All good Keymaster! No need to publish now. Hope you had a good vacation!
ANM StaffKeymasterThanks! Yes, good vacation! It’s good to be able to clear your mind, even when life is going “alright”. :)
tammy
haha. that was a bit of drama. i agree with maddie. limit the audience. anyways sometimes we just have to get it out of the system, so i guess that’s what you did. it was not just a breakup but also being cheated on. double whammy. grief and anger.
as long as going forward you don’t keep getting stuck in this muck, that one time blast/purge is alright. dusted and done with. so over. now on with your new life. :-) all the best.
Gaia
I promise I’m not playing in the muck. I said my piece to each when they contacted me and then blocked them. There was no reason for them to contact me. I didn’t mention names nor tag anyone (again on my personal page) and I really don’t care what others have to say about me or the situation. My reputation is sound and my hands are clean. Maybe that makes me sound hard but I’m too old to play high school games or get involved in drama I didn’t create.
We broke up, I was moving on, then she contacted me that he was cheating & lying to both of us, we shared proof for confirmation, I got angry and had a set back giving him headspace he definitely didn’t deserve, so I boxed the stuff up, let out my anger in a fairly anonymous note on the box, and was done with it. And then they contacted me separately. Just seems stupid if you are grown and happy with your choices. I’m actually grateful I was already out of the situation when I found out about the cheating/lying. I feel things would have felt/been worse if I was still in the “work it out” phase.
Thanks for letting me air out my stuff. There are way more important things in my life than dealing with these fools.
tammy
going forward all the best. :-)
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