Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Anxiety after really good first date
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Sophia.
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RoseK
Over the weekend I had a first date with a guy I met on a dating app. It was fantastic. I gather he felt the same about it because he kept suggesting additional places to go to, conversation always felt natural and flowed nicely, and even when there were moments of quiet, it wasn’t awkward at all.
He wasn’t overly praising (often I find that to be a sign of someone being fake), but based on his body language, there’s no doubt he was interested. I could tell he was paying attention and was remembering little things I said.
There’s two parts where it gets messy though. So I have never slept with someone on a first date until now. It felt right for that to happen in the moment. But I dunno, I have read a lot of stuff about how guys want to chase and whatever else, and I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore.
The next morning he kissed me right before I went home.
It’s been a few days and I haven’t heard from him since. Granted I never texted or called after the date either.
Normally I wouldn’t be posting a topic about this, and this is the second thing, but well…both of us have anxiety. We have both mentioned it, but not gone into detail, so it’s not like either of us knows exactly how bad it is for each person.
Pretty much I am not sure if this wound up being a fling, or if both of us are kind of in a standstill because of the anxiety, waiting to hear from the other person. I have no idea if it’s appropriate or not to text or if I should wait and see if he does. I really like him and don’t want to let something nice slip away over something like anxiety.
Any advice would be appreciated so much.
Umm
He met you online, took you on a date and then got easy sex. He has already moved on to the next woman he meets online.
Most men online are after easy hook ups which is why you should not agree to have sex during the first meet up. Sex doesn’t mean much to men. They can have it with three women in one night and think nothing of it.
See if he comes back, but be wary, because he may only come back for sex since you set the stage for the relationship based on sex and not dating and getting to know each other.
Amy
This is one of the few times I’d stand behind the hard and fast rule of Don’t Text Him, Make Him Reach Out To You.
You felt strong things. That doesn’t mean he did, too. You may have wanted to see him feel them, and interpreted his sexual desire for something deeper. It happens.
WAIT FOR HIM TO CONTACT YOU. But don’t wait too long. No need for mind-games, just simple patience. If he reaches out, accept his attention gladly. If he doesn’t, then accept that you might have thrown more into the pot than he did.
Ali
He knows where to find you!!!! Even if he is “anxious” if he can’t summon up the courage to send a damn text is that really a guy you want? If you don’t hear from him in the next day or two you should forget about him, chalk it up to a mistake and move on. No guy that is super interested waits more than a day or two to touch base after a great date. I don’t think his interest in any where near what you want it to be for a relationship to be formed here.
Sleeping on first date = not great. I’ve done it, including with my current BF— difference being we had been talking for about a month before we met up (distance) — and I heard from him ON MY WAY HOME from the date.
I’m sorry. I honestly think he chalked this up to an easy lay and that’s it.
RoseK
@Amy: Thank you so much for your response and advice. I will definitely wait for him to contact me.
The only other thing I forgot to include in my post…so I have had a lot of people tell me that I come off as aloof or disinterested. I don’t think I was like that with him, but would that have had an impact on this too?
L
You had sex with him. How is this acting disinterested?
Pearl_X
He’s going to reach out if he’s interested and the fact that he hasn’t yet says a lot about the situation. This is why you don’t have sex on the first date honey.
Ali
So you were being aloof while he had his d*ck in you? LOL. C’mon now. He knows you are interested… you slept with him.
Laura
He wasn’t too shy to ask you for the first date, then show up for the first date, then stay engaged with you all night, then be intimate with you…you get my point…
Sorry.
Hannah
If it’s been a few days, I would write him off. A man that’s excited about you won’t leave it days to contact you.
I agree, he’s not going to be anxious about contacting you. He was confident enough to contact you, make a date and have sex, so sending a text wouldn’t be a problem.
Anne
Stupid is as stupid does. You ruined any chance by being too easy. Keep some mystery. Inform him before the first date that it must be a short one . And mean it. Dummy.
Amy
How is calling the OP “dummy” helpful in any way?
I swear, most of the women here usually mean well… but some are just rude, judgemental, and quick to cast aspersions.
I’d think the idea of this place is to be GOOD to one another, not rip each other apart. What woman LIKES to be publicly humiliated when she’s coming forward with an awkward or embarrassing question?
Seriously, ladies, I’m sure you’ve heard it all before, but sometimes THINK before you insult someone.
anon
If you are that anxious, reach out and be honest:
“hey, I really enjoyed the other night. I hadn’t expected to sleep with you. Hope all is well and look forward to seeing you again”.
Worst case you never hear back and you have your answer.
There are insecure guys who don’t follow up but it’s a bad sign if they don’t follow up after sex. Even when I used to have casual relationships, the vast majority of the time, I had a text within 24 hours even if I never ended up seeing them again.
Lastly, if you are anxious, wait to invest in men. Men who are interested in you can and will wait for you.
anon
And yes, people here are mean. I think women are pretty conditioned to believe that the chemistry filled date that ends in the man’s arms is going to be a fairy tale. The reality and pain of that learning curve is bad enough without mean girl pile ons.
Kara
Anne is routinely a bitter old bitch who gets off on name calling and tearing others down. Sad life she must lead
Sophia
Wow. That was really harsh Anne!
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