Any advice on break up

Hi Sarah –

You may recall that I asked you to use a consistent pseudonym when you made this post.

You’ve made a couple posts since then – like the post the other day when you posted as Anon.

I’d like to be straightforward with you, and share something that I did not share in my post to you as anon. I’m also writing all this so that our community members understand why I’m stepping-in here.

I’m not convinced that you are posting genuine questions to this forum. If I am wrong about that, and you truly need relief from the pain of your experiences, then I apologize. But your recent (and past!!) activity in this forum has raised my suspicions beyond a point I consider acceptable.

You have definitely posted in this forum before. In fact, the number of topics you started is in the triple digits. You’ve posted here more than most people have. You know this forum.

The name you use between different topics keeps changing. I may not have read all of your hundreds of topics, but I’ve read enough to see that the details in many posts don’t really align. Details like your age, relationship status, how long you’ve been in the relationship… they seem to be amorphous in your stories.

I understand that people want to be semi-anonymous when they post here, so they may “fudge” some details like giving not-exact ages or time lengths. That’s fine. But in your posting history, there’s an awful lot of details that keep changing. Like having kids, or not having kids. Like talking about a current event in your relationship, and then making another post days later which states that you’ve been broken up for weeks. Like that post in December, where you said you were in a relationship for a year, but then here you claim to have broken up from a 4 year relationship.

I’ve stepped-in as moderator to your topic threads before (not just in December), and I’ve prompted you to let the community know whether you’re the same person as in other threads. I’ve asked you to use a consistent name (or at least make it clear that you have posted before). Other community members have asked you about whether you’ve posted before as well. And each time that happens – each time someone presses you to explain whether you’re the same person as before – you stop posting in that thread.

Of course, I cannot force you to post in a thread! That is unreasonable and counter to the spirit of these forums. No one should feel compelled to answer anyone here (though often times it is considered polite to do so). I can understand if some posters become a bit shy if a forum moderator addresses them directly.

But when I entered your topic threads and asked something from you, those interactions represented opportunities. Those were your opportunities to give me some bit of confidence that you were posting sincerely. Those were opportunities for you to have a positive interaction with the community and let them know that you had a history of posting here. You took none of those opportunities. And then often times, you’d start a new thread, with a new name, telling a story with details that just don’t quite match up with what you said previously.

So after 4 years, and hundreds of posts, and nothing that helps give me confidence in your sincerity… we’re done. Out of respect to the time and energy this community spends on helping people, we can’t keep allowing this.

I think most forums would’ve bounced you out a long time ago. The ONLY reason I am handling this with such a long-winded and carefully-worded post is because there is the slight chance that I have judged you unfairly based on your posting history, and you are a person who is in crisis and needs help. If I am wrong, I don’t want other new forum visitors to think that this is a toxic place with dangerous accusations flung casually. If I am wrong, I want you to understand my position, and also hear my sincere message: Please seek professional help for your relationship issues. This forum can no longer help you.

You are no longer welcome to post in these forums. Take care.