Any tips from men?? Ended relationship with a passive guy – was I wrong to?

This guy isn’t passive, he’s downright lazy. I think you were right to break up with him. It’s common (b I’ve been there) to think you made a mistake after a breakup but there were, and are valid reasons that drove you to that decision.

Even though you’re second guessing yourself now, you realized you deserve more than the scrapes he’s been offering of the relationship. And from what I read, even when you’ve called him on it his response hasn’t been ACTION, like damn I need to step my game up, it’s WORDS that have practically no pulse. He’s just stringing you along on barely anything but a few words to make you feel like you’re being too hard on him.

How long do you want to do this with him? He’s shown that he’s not going to change.

You deserve a relationship where both parties are invested. He should be calling you to make plans to see you. You’ll find it with someone else, but not this guy. You made the right choice. NEXT!

Lane gives better advice than Steve anyway.

In thinking back to our talk, I do remember him saying that he’s nor good at keeping on top of communication. from that he shared something along the lines of being sorry for not always responding to me, and that I shouldn’t feel like my reaching out is annoying him (forgot that I told him that). He said I don’t bother him, and that he does really like me. That is where he offered the while temporary break comment.

Also, not that this will GREATLY impact opinions, but in 2009 he went through surgery and chemotherapy for a brain tumor. It has greatly impacted his ability to communicate (meaning whenever we talk, especially in person, he would stop mid sentence and I could see his wheels spinning whilst he tried to process his next point.

I had always wondered if this surgery impacted other elements of communication, meaning his ability to act on cues from me, but I never thought it right to ask!

At any rate, I am with you Jules, on me coming to this decision for a reason. But, as Kimf states, I am wondering if I shouldn’t try to reach out one more time so that we can talk about this in person…?! We always did better face to face, but I don’t know if it is too late now.

Because I smelled serious BS and I know I”m not the only one who feels that way, and he’s being made out to be some kind of legend here by dint of the fact he’s the only male posting here as of late.

He was also extremely rude in a few of them in a way that would be unacceptable if he were another of one of us.

To those who he helped, good if you got something positive out of him.

Caving… my advice to you was to check those sites as you asked for the male perspective and I know there are much better places than here for that, which is 99.9% female. Additional advice from me… whether or not he is passive, can you live with having to run everything? Me, I”m not good with a beta male who needs me to do everything. It may be working out for your other friend, but it really boils down to whether or not it’s OK for you. If he’s now living 2 hrs away, do you really think it has a chance of going anywhere?

I find men who are alpha with a bit of beta are best because they are better at work-life balance and aren’t so confrontational—have a higher range of topics you can discuss. There are certain personalities that go better with others and it could be your choosing the wrong types and could be one reason why your struggling in the dating arena? Something to consider.

Please do yourself the favor of realizing you deserve much better than a guy who puts in no effort for you or your relationship. You deserve a man who makes the effort without having to chase after him like his mommy trying to get him to do his duty for it. It is my opinion that men need to step up in general and when women cater to their lazyness, it only adds to it and reinforces it. So, no, you did not make a mistake in cutting this guy loose and good for you for doing what is right and good for you. Don’t worry about him, if he was so concerned, he would have done something about it. Words are hollow if they’re not backed up by action. One of the best things I have ever heard is: Pay attention, only to what he does, NOT what he says!!!! Let his actions speak for him. If he can’t walk his talk, then he doesn’t deserve your attention.

I fon’t understand why ladies bring social media into dating and a relationship. If you had not been aware of all his likes and comments of other people’s posts, wouldn’t you have been a little less agitated?

I wish I could say that I had better dating experiences, in terms of knowing if I am better paired with an Alpha or a Beta type guy. As much as I want to think that this guy is a Beta, he had that Alpha characteristic of chasing and pursuing me. But then, like all the others and as Lane shared, they ‘drop my sorry ass’.

People constantly tell me that my ‘problem’ is that I intimidate men. I am social, adventurous, independent, and confident…except when it comes to men. I didn’t start dating until I was 27, when I was where I wanted to be career wise. I feel like I am playing catch up and as a result I am sucked into the void of ‘piss poor’ relationships.

Right now I know that I am in that limbo between the fanciful possibility of us working things out and the angst of being alone again.

I enjoyed helping guide him in his career (he is 4 years younger); the high I would get from his excitement in trying out my ideas. He did say that this was one thing he liked about me! How I was passionate about him and his potential. That high of being appreciated for something other than ‘sex’ was something I don’t think I will get over any time soon.

And the comments about social media and dating? Its the reality of our times. If I wasn’t seeing him interacting on those outlets, then my mind would most certainly still be making up false scenarios. Hence the reason I came to decide on ONE thing I need: communication.