Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › apologized to someone i dated
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 3 years, 5 months ago by
Raven.
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james
Recently apologized to someone i dated for a short time. i refelected on what i did wrong and wanted to hold myself accountable for my actions. After several years of not seeing eachother and about a year of not speaking . I saw her in public one day and apologized to her. She seemed surprised to see me and spoke for 30 seconds . Few days pass and i recieved several texts and phone calls. I am not interested in getting back into her life i just wanted to do what was right. I also do not want to have a conversation over the phone or text. Only in person. what should i do?
Raven
What was the content of her text/calls?
Raven
Why don’t you want to have a quick, simple text/phone conversation? Seems that would be so much easier than another face to face…
Maddie
Sounds like you took her by surprise and apologized on your terms, now won’t give her a chance to say what she wanted to after she’s had some time to think about it. You can let her speak her piece, as she let you, while not ending up back in each other’s lives. A quick phone conversation will make it much easier to skip re-engaging for real versus requesting an in person meetup (the latter would make me think maybe you want to be friends as it’s effort on both sides to show up in person, a quick phone call acknowledging what I have to say but also directly communicating that you wanted to apologize but there’s too much water under the bridge for friendship would not make me think that). It’s the faster way to deal with it while still being respectful.
Lane
Then don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.
Seriously, why do you want to see her if you don’t want her in your life? That’s being a yo-yo, and probably how you acted when you finally decided to apologize to her.
Just respond by text with “I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression that I want to try again, I just wanted to apologize for how I behaved, as I was young and immature, that’s all. I wish you luck in love and life.” THE END.
mama
If moving on is what you want, be very clear of the mind. Meeting in person sounds wasteful of your previous partner’s time.
Lane usually drives me up the wall with her posts but she’s given **very good advice here**. DO THE ABOVE. It will clear your conscience, set zero expectations, and let you move on in a clear way, which (I think) is what you want.
james
i prefer a in person conversation because i’ve tried perviously phone conversations and through text and both can be misunderstood. in person i believe would truly give both of us to minimize misunderstanding what we say. I want to know what she feels and i also want to finish my apology since i did not get it all out.
Maddie
Then text her to tell her what you told us. “I’d like to meet to finish the conversation in person (to avoid miscommunications that can happen over text and the phone). You deserve a full apology and I’d like to make amends before we go our separate ways.” She may or may not say yes to that (if we’re not trying to patch things up to reconnect as friends or more, I personally wouldn’t want to put in the effort meeting in person), but it’ll be the end of it, with a yes or no or a no response.
james
i spoke to her over the phone and she appreciated the apology along with texting me she appreciated the apology and followed with it was good seeing me text. I am unclear if she was being literal or was there more to that particular line ? By how many times she contacted me through text and phonecalls . Leads me to believe she might still be interested in me deep down but won’t express it at this time perhaps she is still processing things. what do you all think?
Raven
You did the right thing, now let it go.
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