Are guys ever too shy too text or just not interested

Caramelka – hate this one!
I always ask myself this question and my immediate thought is that they should/would initiate contact first.. if they want something they go get it?
I do also think though that if we want something we should go and get it too, so sometimes in conflicted minds, so will be interesting to see others response

Some guys follow the “3 Day Rule” – meaning they wait 3 days before following up…

He wasn’t too shy to ask you out the first time…

Thanks to everyone for their opinions.
Sigh… looks like I got myself a guy who is into playing stupid games. I hate it. Too bad, its the first guy in my 5-6 months experience of online dating who I have actually liked and felt a spark with right away. So the 1st date was on Saturday. Sunday he was silent, and on Monday morning I have created this thread. Monday night he messaged me, telling me again how he had a great time, and asked me when is the next time I’m free to meet up again. I told him I’m free Wednesday and Sunday this week. He said, that he thinks he is able to see me on Wednesday, but we’ll talk more tomorrow (Tuesday, today) about it. Then we had a bit of texting conversation about how our day was and stuff and wished each other good night. Today (tuesday) haven’t heard from him again. I think he is either a player or really takes things slowly in a weird way. Like I mentioned before, I’m confused, because so far, there were guys that liked me, and they would make plans and message me every day after a date. And the ones who weren’t interested have never messaged after a date at all, or there ones who like to appear on the weekends, cause they have no life…

I am conflicted about how to respond to this type of thing as well. On the one hand I want to say if a guy isn’t totally into me then I should just move on. On the other hand I wonder if guys have been reading weird dating advice and are trying to follow some type of ‘strategy’ for girls they really like.

I watched this horrible youtube dating “coach” video the other day. The guy advised women to never worry about “titles” and to not withhold sex until commitment. He recommended we just “go with the flow”. Oh, okay, so woman are supposed to have casual sex and demand nothing in return? Nice.

I agree for the most part with the commenters here, but I don’t think you should completely rule out this guy just yet. Has he texted you since you first posted? If not, I would say go ahead and text him. Ask how his week has been or, if you’re feeling bold, ask if he wants to see you this weekend. He might be a good guy who’s clueless about courting women. He might be trying to gauge your interest. Give it one shot. If there are more red flags, move on.

Do you girls think he is a player?

So like I have indicated above, he messaged me 2 days after, and since then we’ve been in contact every day. We went on a second date on Wednesday, and planned not to stay late. We ended up staying at a bar late, and when he walked me home, we ended up kissing and it took us a while to say bye to each other. Next day he messaged me asking if I want to go out on Friday. I had plans for Friday and Saturday, so I suggested Sunday. He kind of complained, that Sunday is so far away, and he won’t see me this long, but then said he plays soccer on Sundays during the day, but is free in the evening. We’ve been in constant contact since then. On Sunday (today), we were supposed to see each other, he was quiet all day. I messaged him late afternoon asking how the game was and we had a casual conversation. He apologized and said they have stayed out after the game, and he just got home. Then he asked me if we are still on for tonight. I said, yes, that I just need to finish my laundry, he said he is unloading laundry too, but never suggested time and place to meet. So I have asked him what time is good for him, and he started saying not till 8 or 8:30, and if its too late we can reschedule, because he doesn’t want to stay out too late today etc. I told him, it depends on him and how he feels, and he suggested to reschedule, cause its late and he is very tired after all the activities he did today and has no energy. He asked me when am I free next week, so we agreed we’ll talk and plan something. Just 2 days ago he was complaining that 4 days is too long too wait to see me. Doesn’t make any sense at all… maybe I should just forget

I wouldn’t quite forget about him, but just think about him as casual guy. Sit back and let him make all the moves and don’t believe everything he says.. He obviously is doing things his way, so I would be a little cool with him.. Maybe be not so available yourself..

He’s obviously not all in at this juncture, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he might not be in the future. Treat him as casual guy and look for others.

Caramelka, I’m dealing with a situation that is so similar to yours. It’s true that guys get tunnel vision and can only focus on what’s in front of them..I don’t think they get the urge to reach out spontaneously the way girls do. They’ll text you to for a specific reason like to check in and make future plans. Everything seemed normal to me until you said that on Sunday, he changed his plans at the last minute and then asked to reschedule. I think that was actually pretty inconsiderate of him. If he wanted to see you as bad as he said he did, he would have explained to his friends (who he sees every weekend) that he had a date to go on, or at least had a coffee and come out to meet you to keep his word. Not updating you until later in the day is basically taking your time for granted- if he let you know in advance, you could have made other plans. It’s your weekend day too and you’re trying to enjoy it! Also, did he suggest another time to meet to make it up to you, and did he seem remorseful or like it was no big deal?

My situation is that I’ve been seeing this guy at the rate of once a week for about a month. We don’t text a lot in between dates except to check in and make plans for the weekend (usually by Tuesday or Wednesday we have it figured out). After our last date last Thursday (not Thursday as in 3 days ago, but the one before), he started texting me for 3 days consecutively like “hey babe, how was your day?” etc. Before I headed home the night of the date, he asked more than once if he could see me again this weekend. We checked in on Wednesday and he was having a really busy work week with a big presentation to give on Thursday, so I thought okay, Thursday after work when the pressure if off he will probably reach out to finalize the plans. But i didn’t hear from him until Saturday (yesterday) when he says “hey, just checking in. I’m visiting my parents this weekend, what are you up to?”..his parents live a few states away. I feel like he should have told me by Friday at the latest that he was going out of town instead of leaving me hanging and wondering what’s going on…I know he’s busy but he definitely could have made time to shoot me a text. On the other, he does try to “check in” more often than he did at the beginning, and I’m wondering if he’s just being a little oblivious and thoughtless but I shouldn’t make it a big thing. I’m thinking about asking him “hey, i thought you wanted to see me last weekend” when I see him again, not to be confrontational but just to see if he realizes he kind of disappeared on me…

I didn’t answer his “what are you up to” question because I feel like he was just bored with his parents and wanted to know where I was going on Saturday night without him, but…he kept me out of the loop so I gave him a little dose of his own medicine. I just said something along the lines of “hey, I’m sure your parents must be so happy to see you!” and with that I’ll leave the ball in his court. Suggestions and opinions are welcome, though, because i don’t know how to be objective sometimes.

Can I just add that if you feel there is a ‘spark’ this is generally the hormones in your body due to sexual chemistry. Don’t assume that just because there is a ‘spark’ when you see him he is the one for you – you need to get to know the real man underneath his exterior, and if texting and his way of communicating with you is making you question things and isn’t how you’d like, stop wasting your time :-) keep your boundaries in tact or what is acceptable to you & isn’t