Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Argument turned us into strangers. Can we recover?
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
Elvira.
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Emma
A lot has happened this past week and I will attempt to make this brief.
Last week was my birthday. My boyfriend of four years was away for work but he ghosted me the entire day. The next day when I talked to him, he didn’t see any issue with not acknowledging me on my birthday and that sparked a huge argument. He ended up hanging up on me and we didn’t speak for three days. When we finally did talk, we aired our grievances, and we were both willing to move forward. But now, we are awkward and cold towards each other. When we talk on the phone, it is for a few minutes when we used to talk for hours. We only make small talk, like the weather and current events. Within a week, we turned into strangers. I am in a really dark state and stressed from the horrible turn of events. Where do I go from here? Will we ever go back to normal? How can we recover from this?Liz Lemon
I don’t feel like we’re getting the full story here. How does your bf of 4 years not acknowledge you on your birthday? Not even a phone call, if he was away working? Did he genuinely forget, or did he ignore you on purpose?
If it was that important to you (to the point where it sparked a huge argument), why didn’t you remind him and tell him what you wanted…..like, “My birthday is next Thursday, I know we can’t be together but I would really love it if you called me”. Or whatever. Men aren’t mind readers. You should have told him what you wanted.
If he ignored you on purpose, he’s an a$$hole and you should dump him.
Whatever the case, we need more information here. You’re not seeing the forest for the trees. You’re upset because conversation is awkward between the two of you now, but you’re not looking at the larger issue.
Ewa
question you should be asking yourself : why do I want to be with a man who after 4 years of being with me completely blanked me on my bday?
was it first time it happened? is it really a work trip or is he seeing someone else while being away?Elvira
I agree with the others seems very off and who initiated did the conversation after the 3 days of not speaking? If you feel he is distant and you are doing the chasing to make things better, then I agree with the comment that he may be seeing someone else or is no longer interested in salvaging the relationship.
Emma
This is the first time he has ever done something like this. I was thinking he forgot but he claims he didn’t as we had spoken about it the day before. He said he didn’t call because as soon as work was over, he went back to his room and fell asleep (However, I saw him active on social media in the evening). He didn’t contact me during the day because the building where he works doesn’t get service. I became enraged because for his birthday last month, I traveled 12 hours round trip to visit him while he was on another work trip and on my birthday he couldn’t step outside the building for 5 secs and text me. When I told him this, he became offended that I would ask him to stand outside in the snow and cold to message me. He then said I ruined his happy memory of me visiting him on his birthday by using it as a weapon against him because he didn’t contact me on mine. He said I put these birthday expectations on him without letting him know. He didn’t know what I wanted from him.
Emma
I was going to wait for him to make the first move after the fight. After three days I became worried because he is normally very active on social media and I saw no activity. I guess for my mental health, I will need to just focus on myself right now instead of worrying about him.
tammy
i agree with Ewa. how can one not wish his gf on her birthday? that’s weird. even if hes travelling, he shld have called you to wish. or in case he forgot, happens at times, he shld have apologized and tried to make you feel good. if i was in your place even i would have been upset. maybe there is more to this?
Tallspicy
Ok, something is going on with him. It almost seems like he is subconsciously trying to undermine this. Are there other challenges? Does he repair well in general – communication, forgiveness, console?
Honestly, he is acting like a real jerk, and if that is not common, I suggest you simply say .
“This is really unlike you – what is going on. I don’t want to fight with you.?”
He did not know what you wanted from him? Seriously, all you wanted was a text? And he puts it on you? Everyone who knows my comments knows that I generally tell women to chill out. But in this case….. PULL WAY BACK. LET HIM DO THE WORK TO WIN YOU AGAIN.
He can’t even sputter out an – I am sorry for your birthday. You do not seem to unreasonable expectations, and he is digging in.
Why are you together four years – are you considering marriage or moving in together? My general thought is that when a man is not pushing for marriage around 2 years, he never will.
Ewa Czopowska
Seriously? What a guy! You twisted it so he actually blamed you for wanting a happy birthday text! A text ! Not even a call. You just wanted a text and he is saying he couldn’t go outside because it was cold?
I would be upset if I guy I was dating forgot to send me flowers on my bday. It takes 2sec to send a text.
However you shouldn’t be stalking him in social media and checking if he was active. It won’t do any good to you .
There is something else going on here but like others said you should ask him why is he acting like this. If he blanks you or tell you you’re the problem then just do yourself a favour and leave himElvira
Emma you should have a conversation with him, unless this is is his character. You stated things are awkward with conversations, who is making this awkward? If you were able to get over the not texting HB then what is still lingering? If he is using this as a reason to be upset then there is obviously something else going on that you are not aware of. Could be he is stressed, annoyed whatever the case however, he should be open about it. I just want to add that his comments comes off as extremely manipulative by saying ” how could you want him to go outside in the cold” that was not what you said or implied. So if this is his personality and way of being/talking to you then he is not a very nice person. If this is not his normal behavior then I would say its best to start seeking more answers, for when the time comes to make a decision of whether this relationship has reached its course.
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