Ask Me Anything – Sunday, December 13th @ 8 PM ET

Best friend won’t ask to hang out

I have a best guy friend (for 3+ years) that I adore and have been wanting a relationship with. I lived in a different country for a year and came back 3 months ago. When I came back for a visit half way through my trip, I asked if he was interested in dating me, in which he said ‘I don’t know’ bc he was enjoying being single for the first time in 5 years. My friend is finally single and I have been so excited to see him and spend time with him, so I kept initiating hang out nights, but I’ve only been able to see him about 4 times since I came back. Since I realized he never initiated hanging out, I decided to draw back and give him space to initiate hanging out, and he hasn’t asked me to hang out in a month. WHATS GOING ON?! He texts me every day without fail! We have never slept together but made out twice…. right now I am trying to not worry about him and start dating other guys but I honestly cannot forget about my friend. What do I do?!

I’ve been friends with this man for 5.5 years. Even though we’re not together in a relationship, we act like it most of the times we’re together. I’ve gotten to the point now, though, that what I want is to either be together or just be friends and ONLY friends. The last time we talked about it he said that he does like me but he’s not interested in a relationship right now (should also mention he’s in the military stationed in another state). Okay, fair. But every single time I try and move or change the relationship into something more platonic, he becomes upset. I kind of feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too (and I’ve allowed it for a while) but I no longer want that anymore. I feel like he takes me for granted now, like he knows I’ll be there for him no matter what he says or does. How do I change this relationship into something where we will just be friends and not give in to him when he pushes the right buttons or says what I want to hear? Or is there anything I can do to get us to be an official couple, especially since we act like one already? I’m so frustrated by this cycle and would greatly appreciate any advice y’all may have. Thank you.

Hello & thx 4 this forum
Rekindled with father of my son. After yrs of women he wanted us 2 b 2gether thought he was ready 2 commit. Moved n March 2015. We did ave sex but i was reluctant/not married. I choose Christ & he has needs. Said 2 much pressure my being there w/his needs yet when i’ve tried 2 leave he doesnt want me 2 go. He ask me 2 leave last week cause i wouldnt have sex. A deep thinking male who doesnt communicate, throws tantrum by using silent treatment. Dont know why i love him but willing 2 walk away. Ive treated him with respect, im considerate & giving but it seems 2 b a problem. I think he resents me sometomes cause im an independent. solution oriented go getter. Im a giver hes a taker. Wants my help but rejects me when i try to give it. His way or no way. I can encourage his low self esteem positively yet he fights it. I stay active & he doesnt want 2 do much of anything but work. He says its about feelings w/no actions or words just critisism. What he thinks & doesnt share w/me. Signed confused

There is this man that has always been there by my side, yet he is always a complete jerk to me and to everyone else and keeps himself locked behind a door. I have these large feelings for him, but I don’t know how to show him and make him feel the same way. How can I do this?

Hi, Sabrina & Eric.

First of all I want to thank you guys for your articles, I always read it and they have been really helpful in my life.

My question is, I have been with my boyfriend in a not-so LDR (we live 3 hours away) for 1 year and 3 months now. Last October I met a nice guy who asked me out on “a date”, well, he wants to invite me a cup of coffee, he did this when my boyfriend and I were having problems so I agreed but now my relationship is good and I don’t know if cancel this date, if going, and if I go, should I tell my boyfriend? Help!

Hi, Sabrina & Eric.

First of all I want to thank you guys for your articles, I always read it and they have been really helpful in my life.

My question is, I have been with my boyfriend in a not-so LDR (we live 3 hours away) for 1 year and 3 months now. Last October I met a nice guy who asked me out on “a date”, well, he wants to invite me a cup of coffee, he did this when my boyfriend and I were having problems so I agreed but now my relationship is good and I don’t know if cancel this date, if going, and if I go, should I tell my boyfriend? Help!

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now and everything of course was wonderful in the beginning he was love struck I mean he acted as though he couldn’t breathe without me!! Well we both were head over heels for one another! Not sure if this makes a difference but I am 10 years older than him and I am 30 so yes he is very young, but our age has never ever been an issue for us! When we got together however I was only about 8 months out of a marriage of 10 years in which ended badly! So anyway our relationship stood the test of everything we had to go through and I want get into details but we have went through some major life changing events together and have always managed to stand by one another! He talked a lot of wanting to marry me up until about 9 months ago when I was pregnant with the first child together! So we delivered our son in July not to mention he had finally got a good job I thought everything was great! Until about September, he started becoming so distant hateful everything I done was wrong so us with a newborn baby of course I kept giving more and more and he kept pullin away further and further! So by October he left me saying he just wasn’t happy and he was depressed blamed it on new baby! Only to find out the next day he was sleeping with a coworker who I will admit was a pretty girl nothing Speacil but he seemed very crazy over her like he once was me! I had a gut feeling it was someone else! So anyway over the month of November I educated my self on men and made all the classic mistakes of trying to get an ex back out of desperation! But, just as I started to stop contact and act as though I could and would move on he texts me in the middle of the night asking to work things out, and after asking myself if he was really what i wanted I decided to give us a Chance! We decided to treat it as a fresh start and things have been amazing he has been so sweet loving compassionate and I do believe by his actions that he isnt no longer seeing anyone else so idk of he just had to make sure that there wasn’t something else out there he wanted more before committing to me completely or if maybe new baby new job having a family scared him into wanting to have all his freedom he did before us??? But, either way things are great but my question to you all is how do I get him to finally pop the question without It being my idea or him feeling forced or pressured?? And how long should I wait since we have been together almost 3 years, but have started over as well??? Please any advice would be so appreciated thank you both so much

I just want to know why this guy over almost 2 years has come in and out of my life. He’s had other girlfriends but still randomly texts. He has said he’s lost and he is definitely not the guy I first met. How much longer do I put up with this. I love him but I deserve better than his confusion.

This is a little heavy. Several years ago I was assaulted. Since then I’ve gone through therapy and the guy in question was held responsible and I’ve moved on from it emotionally and I’m in a really good place right now. I haven’t really dated during this time (I wanted to focus on getting better on my own) and I’m kind of nervous at what a guy might think of that or how I should approach dating now? I’m in a pretty good place and I’d like to start dating, but I’m pretty nervous about what a guy might think of it. Any thoughts?

Hi! I am in an LDR with a man I met on eHarmony in September. We talked and texted for 6 weeks before meeting in real life. We had great chemistry and hit it off, and we ended up sleeping together. He was still himself after we went back to our homes. Not two days later, I had a misunderstanding with him which cause unnecssary tension and while I was trying to control the situation, may have inadvertently suffocated him. He started distancing himself but still texted a couple times a week and made sure to call. I did apologize but I am not sure whether that has changed things for us as we never got back to the talking and texting we did before the misunderstanding. However, he still calls me once a week and he texts on occasion. he says he is just busier now but he did make plans to see me for christmas.

I would just like to get to recapture some of that spak we had before the misunderstanding and have him text me more keep more connected.He calls but I don’t get those wonderful good morning messages I used to. I imagine he is still interested in me if he is meeting me over Christmas but something just feels like it is missing….I don’t want to make things anymore awkward than they were. How can I get him to unconsciously connect with me more?

I am currently in a relationship for almost a year now and on our date night at the movies my boyfriend was on his phone as I glanced over I noticed pictures of other girls that he claimed was from the Internet. Mind you the pictures were provocative. Should I be concerned? Or let it go because I think in this situation boys will be boys. Please help me with an advice I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks,
Kimberly A.

Hi Eric!

I’ve been a been a fan and I wanted to ask when you mentioned that when a women becomes too invested into a relationship, she should lay back. This might sound silly, what and how do you mean by this? And how would she know that she is establishing a better connection with her guy rather then just scratching the surface of things that he would give to anyone else? Like if he is or has been telling both his girl and other people about his dreams and goals, how can you know if he is telling you something more meaningful then what he has already told other people? Thank you again for all your advice!