Ask Me Anything – Sunday, December 13th @ 8 PM ET

ive been with my bf for over 14 months, we fight like cats and dogs almost everyday but i have a very friends say deep seated attachment to him that i cant explain. we have been through everything and have issues with almost everything minor that we dont have a chance to get to the big issues before a fight. we talk about breaking up all the time. we are very different but we love each other and want to be together, i guess my question is, is there a possibilty situations like this turn around? we had a few very good weeks that ended a couple days ago. i live with my parents still im in grad school and hees working. were both in our early 30s.

How do I respond (or how should I have responded) to a guy who sent texts such as “I want to see you again this week, but I’m kinda busy every night and then go out of town this weekend;” “I was going to see if you wanted to do something tonight but I got stuck at work;” “we should do xyz soon;” “I’ve been busy with work lately but I want to hang out again if that’s ok with you.” These were sent without me asking him to do something– all unprompted.

For the record, we never ended up getting together a second time…it just ended up being a texting for five weeks thing (him initiating more than half the time) until I got frustrated with him and he stopped texting me.

Thanks!

What is the proper protocol for texting in a new relationship? How can you initiate a contact with the guy without looking needy or desperate ? Do you always have to wait for the guy to start the contact or texting ? How to avoid sexting ?

Been dating a guy abt 3 months. We’re exclusive and recently started hooking up. Trying to keep things cute and fun so I’ll send him sexy snapchats every once in a while (never nudes, never including my whole face – I like to keep it interesting but I’m also not a fool). But he never responds to them. What’s his deal? I thought guys liked stuff like that. I’m not questioning the status of our rship or his feelings for me. Just wondering if he finds them to be more of a nuisance than a cute distraction?

So I met this guy about a month ago at a party/networking event. We began texting, exchanged instagrams & things like that. He expressed great attraction for me and was eager to take me out, but that never happened. I became bored with his inconsistent texts and lost interest in having conversations with him. He then requested me on snapchat, and since then has started copycatting my snaps! He has yet to ask me out on a formal date, yet asked me what my weekend plans were because he “really wanted to run into me” this weekend. Sounds like a BS artist to me, but what’s your take on this from a mans point of view? Help!

I am dating someone for 3 months now, he initially approached and was intense though he said usually he’s not like that… to exert effort and so on. He’s the type who wouldn’t call much, see my missed calls and wouldn’t answer back, doesn’t ask me a lot to go out together and be keen on it as the couple of times at the beggining. Though he tells me I know u’d b upset but tolerate me, have some patience, I like u, am trying but am different than the norm of guys. Talked about future plans when we agree and settle that we r sure of this relationship (bear in mind that we didn’t announce that we’re dating) I don’t know if he’s still intetested or not since am getting mixed messages between words and actions, he told me once before I disappear when I panic, is he playing, losing interest, getting cold feet or what? I’m really confused cause he never says anything about ending it as well.

I’ve been seeing a guy for the past 8 months. We talk every day see each other every week for dinner maybe a movie and some intimate moments. We connect we have a similar sense of humor are comfortable with each other. After reading a few of your articles I had convinced myself the relationship didn’t need a title after all there are people who have the title and are miserable together. A few months ago I became the girl I had read about not being had one too many drinks and freaked out on him about what this relationship was where it was going while sobbing and acting foolish and professing my love to him. He maintained his calm even after I got my my car and hit his ( totally by mistake and it was a tap) but nonetheless it happened. Unbeknownst to me he followed me home to make sure I got there safe. Since then we have maintained out relationship it was awkward for about a week then went back to normal. During this outburst he admitted he wasn’t ready for a relationship he had gotten out of a 10 year relationship shortly before we started dating. I backed off a bit and he pursued me more even initiates cuddling. It’s the little things he does that makes me think he loves me (like bring me Starbucks and lunch to work today) although he doesn’t say it. I’m 33 and so is he I’m ready for a committed relationship but don’t want to waste time if it’s not going anywhere. Should I accept things as they are and stop seeking “the title”? Sorry for horrible grammar trying to get my Q in.

I am not too sure if my message posted – the server is slow.

Yesterday, I went on a date with a guy (that I have 10 year old history with). When we first met many years ago, I knew he wasn’t serious and just wanted a sexual relationship. I dodged this. However, he has recently come back into my life and we have started speaking daily. We went out yesterday (I initiated this) and he came to pick me up. When we got to the restaurant, I noticed that he hardly did any of the gentlemanly things e.g. holding the door open or complimenting me. After the date, he texted me and we have been speaking frequently. Unfortunately, I felt slighted by his behaviour and I mentioned it to him. He said that he took my comments on board, but I am not convinced. He has said he is single and looking for a relationship.

I want to take some steps back and get him to chase me, but I am not too sure about the effective ways of doing this? Any tips?

Thank you

Hi Eric/Sabrina,

First of all I want to say how much I like reading your articles, they have been particularly helpful in my relationship to maintain my sanity and peace of mind. I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. I recently (a month ago)moved to another country for a new opportunity. We decided we will try and make this work. He was then offered his dream job in a totally different country and I know he wanted it more than anything else (he has been offered a job with that company 3 times in the past it has not worked out cause of the visa) This time around he is hoping that it does, we discussed it , and i said that I know ho much this means to him, so he should take the job. WHen I asked him what it meant for our relationship, he saidhe wants to try and make it work. I told him that if a year from now when he has moved there, i would be willing to move for him provided I have a ring on my finger :-) SInce we were talking from a future perspective he just smiled and so did I ..
But the point remains this long distance has been challenging for us. I care about him a lot, maybe even love him (but am afraid to admit it)_we have not said I love you to each other. Is it worth it pursuing this long distance relationship when there have been no professions of I love you? I will be seeing him when I go back home in a week, what do I tell him?
COunting on your advice. THis is a very short version of our story with the important details in.
Rachel

I am dating someone for 3 months now, he initially approached and was intense though he said usually he’s not like that… to exert effort and so on. He’s the type who wouldn’t call much, see my missed calls and wouldn’t answer back, doesn’t ask me a lot to go out together and be keen on it as the couple of times at the beggining. Though he tells me I know u’d b upset but tolerate me, have some patience, I like u, am trying but am different than the norm of guys. Talked about future plans when we agree and settle that we r sure of this relationship (bear in mind that we didn’t announce that we’re dating) I don’t know if he’s still intetested or not since am getting mixed messages between words and actions, he told me once before I disappear when I panic, is he playing, losing interest, getting cold feet or what? I’m really confused cause he never says anything about ending it as well. Please send me the reply on my email too

Hi Eric and Sabrina – thanks for hosting this. Does the NC rule work for a LDR breakup where the relationship was one year long distance but only two weeks face to face (but over three trips)? He lives in Asia and I in the US. He knows that I am moving to Asia in a few months and I hope we can reconnect and try to start over then. Thanks!

I am in school working on my degree and I met this guy who is really sweet, gentlemanly and we have a good time together. There are a couple of issues. Some superficial and some are not. The predominant issue is what he is studying in school he doesn’t actually have an affinity for and I don’t know if I can support him in a career that he will not be successful in… He also seems to be moving a little fast like stating that he wants me in his life for a long time etc. only after a few days of knowing each other and he just now went cold. No contact for a few days and I’m not sure how I feel about it because there are so many deal breakers in place already, but I still kind of like him. Thoughts?