Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Bad feelings keep coming back
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 years, 4 months ago by
AngieBaby.
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Ryan
Hello. First time poster here, so be kind 😂.
So last July (2020) my wife, (who I’d been with for 6 years, married for 3) broke up with me and left. We have two young children together (they are now aged 5 and 2) who she also took with her. She originally moved into her parents house and was stopping me from seeing the girls (there is not a single reason why though). This went on for a few weeks so I decided to get a solicitor to help me see the children. It went to court in January 2021 where I was awarded with having them every weekend at my home as a temporary ruling until I had a final hearing in June, where I’ve been given a permanent access of having them three weekends in 4 plus every Wednesday night, which is great as I’m having a lot more time with them on a permanent basis.
She left me because she “didn’t love me anymore” in her words but before she even left I found out she was on the likes of tinder, match and even on one night stand sites and sites dedicated to people looking for adulterous affairs. I was heartbroken as I loved her so much and when she left I even had very strong suicidal thoughts. She eventually moved into a new home where she moved a new guy in within a couple of weeks. They’ve now been living together for about 9 months. He’s not a nice man and has threatened me with violence on quite a few occasions.
But I feel a constant jealousy of them together. I feel like I’ve failed in my life as I was married and now my wife (we aren’t even divorced yet) is living with a new man, probably being extremely ‘intimate’ with each other all the time etc and it still really hurts. I went through a spell a couple of months ago where it didn’t bother me and I even dated a new girl for a couple of months which was great but it didn’t work out, but ever since I’ve been getting these jealous feelings again. My children are my absolute world and I’d not be here without them, but at the same time I feel like happiness won’t ever return to me and that I’m just a bit of a laughing stock. Lots of people (friends and family, even some of my exes friends and family) have told me how badly she treated me and said it’s disgusting how she’s used the children as weapons against me. At the same time, all my mates are either getting engaged, or have new partners etc and I’m just feeling like I’m being left behind in life. I know I probably sound pathetic and stupid, but I can’t snap out of it! Has anyone got any advice? Feel free to ask questions about my life and marriage etc if you want to find out more haha! Thank you!Raven
Please find a trained someone to talk with…
Ryan
I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. Even seeing a girl that I went on just two dates with a few months ago is now in a relationship has hurt me (but when I did know her I really fell for her and she still goes round in my mind most days). This is by far the lowest I’ve felt for a good 8/9 months atleast. I’m watching a film on TV and there’s a couple cuddling, kissing and “other things” and that has even made me feel low, knowing that I’m so far from any kind of intimacy (not sex necessarily, but just the closeness with someone) and I just can’t cope. I don’t miss my ex wife as such and when we were together it was constant bickering and arguing, we hadn’t even kissed or cuddled for a good 18 months before the breakup let alone anything else, but atleast I wasn’t completely alone, I had her and my children around me constantly, I wasn’t living in silence, but now I just stare at the same four walls (apart from when I have my girls with me) and just wait for time to pass by. When I’m at work I think about things and just don’t know what to do. I snapped out if this for a few months but it’s back again and I’m scared that it’ll always come back to me and I’ll never find peace and happiness again
Raven
Again, please seek counseling.
Ryan
I can’t! I work full time, can’t get time off and have my children most weekends. Plus I have little money, so I have no way of getting that kind of help, which is why I’ve come onto a forum aimed at helping people and to give advice etc and to just see what people say, see if anyone else has been through similar and how they got through it etc
Raven
You are making excuses…
Most people who have been through these types of things have worked through it with counseling…Ryan
It’s not an excuse. I work 8-6 every day, have my children every weekend just about from 6pm Friday till 6pm Sunday. Because of the new court ruling where my work times have had to change I can’t make any appointments etc as I don’t have the time to ever make it up at work and my bank balance is so low that I can’t afford to take time off. And sitting on a couch talking to someone who more than likely has no idea on how I actually feels isn’t going to help me. I wanted to talk to people on here who may have been through similar and see what they have to say!
KarinaDogLover
Hi Ryan,
There are online therapy, please look into it. They could offer service through phone call, facetime or message. If you are in low income, they would offer discount rate.
Take care.
AngieBaby
Ryan, where there’s enough will there’s always a way. This is a lot of stuff you went through in the past year, with a global pandemic overlaid on all of it. You really need to seek professional counseling or you’re going to be the walking wounded for a long time. You will attract the wrong women until you give yourself time to grieve the loss, heal and get really ready to move on. Men in particular have a hard time getting over a divorce. I agree with the others you would benefit from counseling. Please do this. I know men who have never been able to get over their ex and move on. It’s a sad sight to see.
Karina is very right there are many online sliding scale counseling options so “I’m too busy” isn’t a reason to not seek therapy. Check out the site free psychotherapy network dot com. Also, there are other alternative therapies you can try like tapping, EMDR, etc.
Finally, this forum is pretty much all female – if you want to find someone who’s been through what you have you’d be a lot better off Googling for a support forum or network for divorced/separated men.
Wishing you the best in moving on.
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