Best friend-love-no contact- so difficult.

Awh, Judy,

I have gone through what you are going through. It’s “your” Gambler Guy that you are talking about, right?

As the wise women here have told me, some people are just takers. They suck you in, they take advantage of us caregivers, and they suck us dry. Fading away from him is maybe a good strategy, because people like that won’t listen to your words. Just take it one hour at a time, you can do it.

I know exactly what you are talking about. UGH. Sweetie, just know there are women here who will send you strength. Keep yourself busy this weekend. Just tell yourself for now you want to get through the weekend. Remind yourself that you deserve someone who is into you, who adores you.

The most difficult thing for “my” Gambler Guy was that I was always trying to figure out why he was not into me, but wanted me around. I finally figured out that I was taking care of him so much, he was in hog heaven, and I had turned into his mammy as I think Lane told me. haha

Think about what gives you comfort. Do those things.

Hugs

Wow. Writing that out made me realize some things and it helped!

Ann- you made me get all teary eyed! Thank you for saying all of that. It’s hard to talk to my friends about it because, well, they’re tired of hearing about him, and they don’t understand it.

It’s really nice to talk to a woman who has gone through it and is on the other side. I actually have a date tonight, but it will be over early. I’m worried about being home alone on a Friday night after my date…I’m usually out. Usually with Gambler Guy. I’ve been trying not to text him today. He asked me why I was quiet, and I just said “I’m good, just busy at work” – I’m going to just try to put some distance between us without having a big conversation.

I noticed today that I am anxious BECAUSE OF HIM. I am tense all day. Wondering if he’ll text, when he’ll text, if we’re going to see each other that night (we usually hang out most every day. I know.) I’m also waiting for the other shoe to drop when he hurts me again or disappears.

He hasn’t dated this year. I have. I know that he will probably date soon…and I’ve realized that there is no way I can handle that and be his friend. He could do it for me, but I think it’s because he’s not into me as much as I am into him.

Sigh. I will check in with you tonight if that’s ok. I might need some back up.

Wow, that was beautiful and i can relate to everything you’re saying. I can’t write more right now, but i will soon.

You have no idea how much that helps. Thank you!!!!

Hi Ann,
Thank you for checking on me :) Rough weekend- he texted me on Saturday asking what I was doing- I responded briefly. He called, I didn’t answer, I called back- he didn’t answer. He hasn’t responded to any of my texts from yesterday… I’m done and I told him.

I deleted his number from my phone, and blocked him on facebook. I’m going to find an app that will let me block his calls and texts on my phone so I am not tempted.

I’m having a hard time, but I’m doing ok. I know I can do this. He will never change. I need him out of my life so I can move on. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting the same results.

Whenever I miss him or feel sad or lonely or start thinking about the good times, I just keep seeing the image of him in my head during a moment when he hurt me- the look in his eyes when he hurt me, and how he didn’t care. That image is helping me remember who he REALLY is- not the guy I’ve built him up in my head to be.

Thank you, again. I’m angry today.

This sounds eerily similar to my recent “Gambler guy” (also a gambler, and drank a lot too)situation. In the beginning we both expressed how we were not into anything “too serious”. We continued to see each other for 2 and a half years, we were the best of friends, never really separated, always in each other pockets. We had a fair share of fights, but they only lasted a few days max, because I would always give in. I found myself giving in more and more, and in turn, being ridiculously anxious about him just leaving me, just like that. I told him I loved him about a year and a few months into the so called relationship, he rang me blind drunk the next night expressing how much he loved me. He only said the “L’ word twice when he was drunk. When sober “He didn’t believe in such a thing as love, that it was all a concept”. HA!
Anyway, I felt as though, in the end, I was nothing more than an emotional support system that fed his ego. When I would express a concern, or hurt, he would find a way to manipulate it around on me, and stupidly I let him. Even to the point where I would question myself.
The last few months were dreadful, full of fights, then a tiny re kindling stage followed by another huge fight. contact faded.
The last time we spoke, I stupidly asked if he would like to join me for an event in a few months, which he laughed at like it was a joke. Made me feel like a joke.
22 days zero contact today (longest we have had in 3 years) and I feel 100% better for it. I’m no longer anxious and my confidence has came roaring back!

Hi Jenny,
I’ve found distraction works pretty well, although I know you can’t keep yourself busy all the time. I pick up the dictionary and try to memorize a new word, or paint. I find the hardest time to keep to the no contact is late at night. Sometimes it’s so hard not to think of anything else, so what I do is, gather up a few songs and play them on my ipod on repeat (usually Amy Winehouse) I have a cry and get it all out. I’ve also found that removing all the reminders has helped (I had a stack of letters from GG that I sent back to him) The main thing to focus on is, you will be ok, you do deserve better, they are NOT going to change (although you still secretly cross your fingers) and that, if you could feel such a connection with this particular guy imagine the possibilities with others in future.