Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › BF instagram behaviour
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Kiara
We’ve been dating over a year and half and initially I noticed he was following these girls he didn’t know who was obviously not a friend of his, and also beautiful red haired big breasts, thin ladies. I was not ok with him liking pictures and we talked about that so he would stop. He did and it hasn’t really caused a problem since. This was about 6 months ago. Recently I noticed he started following new girls whom he doesn’t know or even live locally.
The reason why it bothers me is because after dating for this long, he still doesn’t want to share what he would like in the bedroom, porn preferences etc with me. He tells me he is vanilla and is good the way it is. Same thing with porn apparently, but doesn’t ever want to specify and is clearly uncomfortable talking about any of that. I have told him I am completely fine with masturbation and watching porn, as long as it doesn’t affect our sex life. We also had several discussions where he would never compliment me. I do not need to hear it everyday but even on special occasions he will never say I look beautiful even after being dolled up. He tells me he does think I am beautiful but is always in his head. He doesn’t think to say it out loud but he has reassured me he does think of it. He tells me he will try to improve on being more verbal with it but is not much of a difference. From what I’ve seen, I know I am not his usual type. I am not blonde nor have huge breasts.
Otherwise in the relationship he does change when I mention I don’t like something he said or did. He is physically affectionate and I’m very involved in his life – his family and friends. He does post us together once in awhile on his Instagram and Facebook as well.
I guess my question is that I’m pretty weirded out that he’s not a verbal guy, keeps to himself, doesn’t want to discuss about our sex life much, porn preferences etc…. but is willing to let the public know what kind of girls he like to look at it in his spare time. I don’t know how to approach this or is it worth mentioning.
Thanks for reading.
Newbie
Problem here is you are the carrot and the whip girl. You want him to be honest but when he was honest in liking pic you b*tched him to stop. Now you want him to share private stuff for your own agenda. All in all you dont sound fair and only agreeing when it suits you. For example if my bf told me he is ok with me masturbating and watching porn i would slam him for that. How is he to ok what i do in my private time.
So you try to come off as tolerant but you act the opposite. No men will feel save disclosing things to you.Him liking big boobs and show the world he likes them, makes you insecure. Tell him that. Thats actually an honest conversation where you are making yourself vunerable instead if forcing him to be vunerable. Be honest yourself and he will follow.
Try not to nag your guy into doing or saying stuff but inspire him into doing it. Because i dont see alarming behaviour so its communication that has to improveSam
Hi Kiara,
It sounds to me like your bf has intimacy issues. I feel like that might be why he follows these random girls because the extent of it is a simple ‘like’ here and there.
You are trying to change him and are basically saying you don’t like who he is.. I’m sure you’ve already approached it since you said he will ‘change when I mention I don’t like something he said or did’. This is who he is.. take it or leave it.cupcake
To me this is less about your boyfriend’s behaviour and more about your own insecurities.
As far as i can tell all he is doing is liking pictures of random hotties on instagram. He isn’t commenting on their pics or trying to msg them or anything, is he?
I mean i find that pretty normal and meaningless for any man or woman to do. It has nothing to do with you or your relationship.We are all insecure and want reassurance, but you can’t force someone to be more verbal and open when that is just not who they are. Plus it doesn’t seem like he is completely closed off or anything…just that he isn’t verbal or outgoing to your standard.
And no liking an insta photo is not the same as opening up about sexual fantasies. I mean its just a like. Very much doubt anyone cares or notices unless they are stalking the person.
He told you he is happy with your sex life and doesn’t want more.
Why can’t you believe him?
And even if he had some fantasies, so what. Not everyone is comfortable sharing that, not even with a partner and that is totally fine. Some things just belong to ourselves.Do you share your fantasies and sexual needs with him? Do you ever like random hot guys on insta?
How would you feel if your boyfriend tracked your every “like” , then told you to stop, demanded you tell him about your sexual fantasies and continuously pestered you about it?
I would feel that’s pretty controlling behaviour reeking of insecurity.
If i were you I would a) stop tracking his instagram, bc it is making you crazy and b) focus on yourself and improving your self confidence and c) either accept that he isn’t great with verbal compliments etc. or find someone who is.
Liz Lemon
I totally agree with Newbie & Cupcake. Men are visual creatures. They like to look at beautiful women. It has nothing to do with his feelings for you or his satisfaction in the relationship. It would be different if these were women he knew, or if he were messaging them or trying to create some kind of connection. But from what you’re saying he’s just looking at random Instagram chicks who probably have thousands of followers.
My bf follows some old/vintage Bettie Page-type pages on IG with pics of beautiful women, & he finds it hot that I don’t mind. I think the pages are cool, it doesn’t bother me in the least, because I’m secure in our relationship. If anything, the fact that I’m cool with it has made him more open to sharing his fantasies with me.
What’s more striking to me is that you’re tracking who he follows and likes on Instagram. Cupcake had an excellent point, how would you feel if your bf were tracking what you followed and liked on Instagram & then complained and told you to stop? That’s extremely controlling & insecure behavior.
And you can’t force someone to share fantasies with you. You need to create an environment where he’s comfortable sharing (like newbie said), not demand or twist his arm into it. And you have to accept there may be some things he doesn’t want to share. That’s normal. No one is obligated to share 100 percent of their thoughts and fantasies with anyone. If he tells you he’s happy with your sex life, why can’t you believe him?
This whole situation is a you problem, not a him problem. I don’t see him doing anything wrong from what you described. Work on your insecurities, & accept your bf for who he is, or else move on.
-
AuthorPosts
