Bf just ghosted, need friendly support

Oh my gosh, I’m going through the same thing right now! My history is not as lengthy as yours. Mine has been 7 months off and on.

He gave me the silent treatment after something that happened (too long to tell). It wasn’t anything terrible but it made us both insecure. Anyway he ignored me for 2 days and finally text “sorry” after I sent him a long loving text on how I feel for him. He never responded to anything else. I text 2 days later again admitting my insecurities (opened up to him why I did it) and how he made me feel about the incident. I was sooo vulnerable and to my surprise he text me right away and basically told me that he did and still does care for me, he just doesn’t think we should continue to see each other, he also told me how amazing and great I am and how my laugh made him smile….he also said that he’s not sure if that’s the right decision right now. Basically leaving an open door to possibilities.

Which was total 180 attitude from the day prior to Sunday which we were very lovey dovie to each other. We were spending more time together and he was gradually opening up his life to me, making more commitments and stronger relationship. He’s always been very good and communicating he was also very vulnerable towards me. I have no idea about my situation but it’s ok. If it’s meant to be it will work BUT if I’m not swept off my feet if he ever reaches out and if I even have feelings for him I would have a long talk.

Glad that I’m not the only one who’s sad but I am okay with it and accept it. It gives me an opportunity to grow and learn and better myself.

Sue, I would say cut him off and never look back. I’ve cut him off before, but just have trouble not looking back

JR, I’m sorry that you’re going through that! At least he talked some to you though, ya know? And it makes more sense because something happened to cause it. So it might turn out ok :) my situation I treated him PERFECT like I never nagged, never complained, was always happy, gave him tons of space, he had total freedom being with me I couldn’t have treated him any more perfectly I treated him the way guys fantasize a woman would treat a man but doesn’t even give me the courtesy of letting me know he is going to disappear like people are crazy!!!

Alia, aww thank you for the compliment that’s sweet :) yup I know I would be like SCREW the history girl cut him off for good and never look back!!!! if you go back it will be the same thing, it will be of no benefit to you, as soon as he gets you he will hurt you again for his own sick pleasure, so stop going back!! haha now I just have to follow though & KEEP following through instead of being all sentimental/forgiving/accepting. :)

thank you all so much for your support it really means the world to me :) you have all helped me sooo much and I will definitely keep reading what you all have said when in moments of weakness! today I want so share that I feel SO much better today!!!! I was busy today & I felt a HUGE difference in my day. when I first woke up & wrote on here, like I said, I was sad. I was hoping I could act “normal” today & not act down. But to my surprise, the whole day I was in a great mood!! I felt so ALIVE when I had conversations. Like I was my best self. My REAL self when I’m not worrying about what is going to happen with him! I didn’t realize the impact interacting with him made every day. Usually it’s like I’m thinking of what time would be a good time to talk to him, wat I’m going to send/say to him, then IF he will reply, if he does reply will his response be favorable…like WOW what an eyeopener!!!!! I am sure that sounds odd but that’s how it was. Today since today is my first day of no contact, I was able to go through my day being just in the moment. Nothing to plan, worry, or stress over. I reacted to everyone and everything like the REAL ME, radiating happiness & positivity to my environment. I wasn’t “in my head”.. lately it’s like I could sense something was off so I would rack my brain all day. I was NOT in a good mood. I was analyzing everything to do with him, trying to find answers. Today of no contact that burden has expired! At first I missed him like I said this morning but now I feel so much better! I didn’t realize how every day interacting with him caused me to experience mild anxiety & an overall tense feeling

Hi Ashley. Your story resonates with me for a few different reasons. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time! My bf and I broke up last week and I feel your pain. He sounds like he has a lot of similarities with my ex. My guy had a girl in which he had a 12 year history with – since they were 16. They never actually dated, but they hooked up and would always find their ways back to each other. He never dated anyone until me, but he would have flings with lots of girls and every time one ended he would turn to this girl for a few weeks and give her hope until he found his next fling. She always wanted more but wanted to be patient while he “got it all out of his system.” She waited and waited and was always there when he needed her, and he told me that they told each other they would probably end up together at some point. But while she was clinging to that hope, he knew that while she meant something to him, he had been viewing her in the same way for so many years that he could never view her in any other way than what she had been. Pretty sure she hated me BC him and I met and were boyfriend and girlfriend within two weeks and it’s something she always wanted and waited for but in reality he knew the whole time she was just his comfort blanket.

Actually last month him and I broke up and he drunkenly called her and invited her ocer. He told her he loved her and she was the one and always had been the one. Then the next day he sobered up and called me and wanted me back. When she got upset he essentially just said that he wanted to work stuff out with me and she needed to leave him alone. She continued to text him and he just ignored her. Eventually she cut him off and deleted him on facebook. I actually felt kind Of bad bc I knew they had history and I knew she would be waiting and waiting for nothing. She told him she was done w him forever but I know if he called she would be right back on his doorstep fully taking him back just long enough for him to call me again or meet another fling. And he’s almost 30 at this point. Nothing is changing. If I knew this girl personally, or if she didn’t hate me, I would want to shake her and just tell her to wake up and move on with her life. He’s not changed in 12 years and it’s naive to think he will out of the blue. And that’s how I feel about your situation. Don’t be that girl that wastes her precious years on a man that doesn’t deserve it. And I know I need to take my own advice now! I don’t have that history issue, but I do know I’m crying tears and wasting energy over a guy that sure as hell doesn’t deserve it. I think the no contact thing is so crucial. And setting boundaries. We teach ppl how to treat us and we show our value by what we put up with. If he reaches out, please be strong and know what you deserve!

Hi Ashley,

Very glad to know you are feeling better today!

You said in an earlier post, “I treated him the way guys fantasize a woman would treat a man but doesn’t even give me the courtesy of letting me know he is going to disappear like people are crazy!!!”

One of the posters on another thread gave this response to crazy behavior, “Ain’t your circus. Ain’t your monkeys.”

Today I wanted to “forgive him” and take the high road and show him I am better than this and I am not going to pout or act childish like he does when he feels hurt. I know most of you will say I should have just continued with no contact today, I know, but I’m the type of person who does things like this. Don’t judge me I just follow what my brain tells me to do lol. With breakups I tend to do things like this. I don’t like things to be on a negative note. I like to be positive. I don’t like the last text I send to someone to be sad or “poor me” I like to send a message of acceptance and peace. I sent a message like this to him before the last time I cut him off and it made me feel great.

I said “I wanted to tell you I’m not mad. I knew you’d do this. You’ve done this to me before. I know how you are. In some bizarre way I understand you. I am only interested in a committed exclusive relationship. I want to get married & have kids. So if what you want is to see other girls then you should go do that so I don’t waste my time”

Now, it’s POSSIBLE he has already blocked my number. He blocks your number when he anticipates you will confront him. He literally acts like a child. One time I was going to call him out/tell him off and he knew I was going to so he told me I’m being blocked in 3,2,1. lol SO there is a possibility he will not even SEE that text if he blocked me. I’m honestly not sure if he did or not because I didn’t react emotionally or lash out at him so he may not have. I know he won’t respond so I’ll never know but it’s something I do for me.

The reason he felt you would cheat on him if you ended up together is because he himself is a cheater. Put your focus only on yourself and no more thinking about him.

If you truly want him (as your last message to him implies), my advice is to seek counseling to help you see clear you would be hurting yourself.

I just read your response. He is undeserving. Good for you to be good to yourself,

Of course it wasn’t you. Now you know so beautiful you, open your world up to that awesome guy in your future.

Hi Ashley,

Just checking on responses since the other day. Hang in there! You can do it! Treat yourself to a dinner out, an art museum visit, or even something you haven’t tried yet.

Remember: There is always a plane or a train trip somewhere!

Good luck and keep us posted.

Ruth

Hi Ashley,

You were very kind to give me some advice a couple of weeks ago (ex that pulled the handbrake on his girlfriend) you told me that you couldn’t believe how I had even thought of getting involved with this guy.
but i thought i could handle him and like you said to me “change” him. But i was very stupid and naive and got caught up in it all. I am now working on me and writing down what I want from a relationship and the boundaries i want to set. but reading your story made me imagine what you would say if you were reading your own thread. and you have already said you know that he doesn’t deserve you.
I am 27, and i believe you are 24? my point is you sound like you have an amazing head on your shoulders. I only wish that when i was your age i had been more aware as you are. You know what he is doing to you? and you have had the gut feelings that all women talk about on here. and also this is not the first time you have witnessed him doing this. you said so yourself that he has done it to numerous women.
The pregnancy thing is very scary…that is him trying to pin you down so he can just come back to you when it suits him.
Don’t let him use you anymore.
You are a very strong independent woman. I agree with redcurlysue, what would you say to someone else if you saw this feed?

I do admire you though and take my hat off to you for being so mature and strong x

yep just the same as the guy i was with.
when he cheated on me he told me that he did it because he thought i was leaving him or that i would find someone else. but then the truth is that he is a womaniser and was always putting his guilt on me. a week after i found out he cheated he asked me to move in!!!
just the same as your guy kept talking about pregnancy.

he’s not worth your tears or time.
I hope you feel better soon and remember you are not alone :-)