Bf just ghosted, need friendly support

Hi Ashley, with a regular nice guy, I would say he deserves closure, but not this one. I hope you stay no contact until you have completely moved on (however long that takes). Otherwise, he may just be able to pull you back in (with flowers or something). Any contact before then, he will feel there is still hope and you want him deep down…food for thought.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and progress so openly here Ashley! I just stumbled across this thread and can relate to a lot of what you’re saying – I’m going through a hard time too right now. Your great attitude and the amazing progress you’re making really give me hope and strength. Keep up the great work!! And always remember you’re a special, beautiful, smart girl and only deserve the best. Lots of love!!

Today I am happy to report that I stayed true to my vow to not look at his instagram!! I almost gave in, but I stopped myself. It’s just like a compulsion that is so easy to do!! like I mentioned before, since I hadn’t for months up til the beginning of this month, it’s like I’ve been making up for lost time, checking it like CRAZY like obsessive compulsively honestly lol but I am so happy that I stayed true to my promise to myself not to look!! I am getting stronger each day! When I would look, it definitely made me feel like I was still being hurt & betrayed, like I was still involved in his world of disgusting behavior & now I feel less attached already by removing myself COMPLETELY. Checking his page & seeing what girls he’s hitting on, even tho it’s hurtful, was addicting. I kept checking & checking to see if there was new information. I’m glad I did before, because that is the ONLY way I found out the truth, but now I am happy that I put my willpower to work by not checking not even once. I feel even stronger today by, for the first time in forever, going a day with absolutely NOTHING to do with him!! Refraining from looking at his instagram is WAY harder to do than no contact, deleting his number etc. Small victories! :)

“but obviously there is something wrong with him that he does this to ALL women. he gets them into him, then he leaves them very quickly. he’s done it to me, I’ve seen him do it to countless girls who are all beautiful & look really cool

Quite simply the guy is not boyfriend material, nor relationship, nor husband material if this is how he is behaving. It think in all simplicity there comes a time when you have to decide if you are willing to be with a man that really isn’t relationship material. I know this is easier said that done since your emotions are involved, but if you want a relationship, then this guy is not a good candidate. Yes, this is practical advise, but it really all comes down to who you chose to be in a relationship with and right now, this guy just isn’t relationship material for any woman.

Hi Ashley,
If this guy is truly a narcissist like I think he is, then none of what he said or did (that made you think he was so wonderful previously ) was real.

Narcissists are master manipulators. If you’ve never had experience with someone like this (and lucky you then) it is very hard to understand. They can appear to be excellent, caring listeners. They even know how to seem very empathic, invested in you, and devoted. This is during the chase phase. It is all a lie.

Once they know they have you, the mask starts to come off. Then can go from (seemingly) totally into you, to completely disinterested, callous, cruel and brutish. What makes it so hard to process, and understand, is how quickly they can turn it on and off. Trust me, I lived through it. It is a complete nightmare and mind screw.

And these types of guys generally pursue women (that they perceive) as highly attractive ,unique, successful and special. I honestly think they get some kind of sick satisfaction in tearing you down.

Once I realized everything my ex ever said or did was a lie/manipulation/facade it completely changed how I viewed him, ,the relationship, and myself.

At first the hurt is mind boggling, because you can’t understand how anyone can just throw away someone (they seemed to care for) like a piece of trash. I remember days/moments where the hurt was so bad I truly thought I would just stop breathing, or my heart would cease to beat on it’s own. This is not an exaggeration. I would be on the floor, unable to move or stand, crying my heart and soul out. And I had always been a strong, independent, happy person prior to this. I thought he was going to destroy my soul at one point.

Eventually, I stopped beating myself up. There wasn’t anything unlovable or fatally wrong with me.I realized this is a reflection of his sad, twisted nature – and I learned to love and stand up for myself again.

Then, I threw HIM away. It was so empowering and life changing. In total, it’s a horrible experience to go through.

But I can tell you I came out the other side-and I did so stronger. I learned to eventually allow myself to open up again. I have learned to be more empathetic, caring, & loving (although only to those earning and deserving of it).

You can too.

Thanks M!

And I think all of us are truly special and wonderful. I’m certainly not trying to say I am better than anyone. But these types of people pursue others that they feel can add to their status. It’s a very sad sick thing.

I don’t wish that experience on anyone. It was one of the most unhappy demoralizing times of my life.

Thanks red :)
When you are dealing with someone with a personality disorder, it is unlike anythig else you’ve experienced before.
Because until you figure it out, it makes you feel completely and crazy and confused too.
I never thought there were people out there who just manipulate or hurt others for pleasure (before that).
I learned. I am so much smarter and stronger for it. As others who have experienced any kind of abuser, once you’ve seen it and lived it, you can spot it a mile away…
That is why I am here. To help others.
I only accept loving healtlhy realtionships now. That includes anyone in my life.
Hugs

Oh Phillygirl I am so sorry. As the father of your son it is a lifetime deal except later when your son can deal on his own.

How old is your boy?

I can very much imagine that makes it ten times worse. Jeez.

My son just turned 11 last week. He’s is nothing but a joy. I hav many woderful male friends and role models in our lives, and I have been with a an amazing guy for almost a year (next week t b exact) :)

Phillygirl, That makes so much sense, that’s what my best friend said last year about him, without me even having to provide any details she said he will hurt me again for his own sick pleasure! that makes sense as to why he didn’t respond to ANY of my texts, even the one just asking him if we’re still in a relationship or not. a normal guy would have told me, no matter how much they wanted to avoid it, they would’ve told me the relationship was over but HE it’s like he got some sick thrill out of seeing me realize he was ignoring me etc. It makes so much sense that explains why one moment he seems to be loving towards me, all the while he was trying to get girls! I am so sorry for what you went through it makes me so sad to know you’ve been through such intense pain. I can’t thank you enough for all the insight & help you’ve provided me with

wow. we knew he was nuts but wow. Yeah, the narcissist in my life tried to convince me I should kill myself when we broke up. Seriously. He convinced me I was the one who had wronged him and twisted everything around and when I asked him how I could make it right (because I was under the illusion that it was me that was crazy) he told me to kill myself. I was like, “what?? Why would you say that?” and he was completely serious. Awful, toxic, manipulative…but showered me in praise and compliments when we first started dating, he was so in love, yadda yadda. But once he had sucked every ounce of light, strength and happiness out of me, he wanted to see if he could truly ruin me to the bitter end. He used to ask me, when I said I loved him, if I would be willing to die for him. Crazy.

Does Nick have a thing for you ???

or…are you genuinely just mates ???