Bf just ghosted, need friendly support

Wow. I am gaining insight here. I feel less lonely and understood. I pray that I never hurt another person in the way the so many of us have been.

I see kindness here, and good people believing in others. But getting stomped on for being kind.

Sigh. Bottle of white, here I come!

Ashley,

What do you think caused him to change over time from the sweet?

that’s why I thought by just giving him a lot of love and by showing him how loyal I was he would see that he COULD trust me and feel comfortable with me and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him … but that had the opposite effect .. it’s like he got bored of me in 2 seconds, didn’t appreciate anything at all, & just wanted to give attention to random girls like he didn’t receive it at ALL

Ashley,

I don’t really think this other girl was the catalyst.

He is a narcissist. I know I keep saying it. It’s not to hit you over the head with it. It’s just that I know this takes time to process and understand.

Honestly, I have a much better handle on the topic than I’d ever like to, but to say I “understand it”, is a gross mis-statement. Because while I have a better grasp on what this personalilty disorder is, as someone who values, loves, and respects the people I allow in my life…I will never really understand this.

If his behaviour changed in his teens, that could help exlpain it. I think hormonal changes/puberty can be a catalyst.

Of course, I’m not an expert, a doctor, or even trained mental health professional. So I can only offer opinions and thoughts.

But they are considered, thoughtful opinions, and meant with no intent to harm.

Just remember. They are master manipulators that can string people along for very long periods of time when it suits them.

Everyone told me what an amazing, wonderful guy my ex was. When I was hesitant to date him (yes, my instincts were screaming stay away) I was told I was the crazy one.

He craps all over his closest friends and they still stand up for him. His best friend is still trying to be a bridge between us (this guy was also my friend before I even knew my now ex).

They have a knack for fooling people, reeling them in, making them feel special that they were chosen to be in their life.

Some people are now wise to my ex, but believe it or not, even knowing what he did to me, some see me as the enemy/hardass. It’s unbelievable.

All because I value and respect myself and our son too much to put up with his crap.

But the good ones get it.

I have no doubt that Nick is like that now, of course, but he wasn’t before when we were younger.. I don’t know how to describe it but I just KNOW he wasn’t. He really was a sweetheart, it wasn’t an act or anything, this is something that happened to him later on because his personality the way he interacted with others everything is TOTALLY different now.. he would NEVER behave or speak in the manner he does today back then.. like two completely different people. I just know earlier in his life he was not this way. Not that it matters now, because I know what matters now is what is going on now, but it’s just really sad

this sounds silly but the age I am, instagram means everything lol. mine is usually public (anyone can see it) at first I wanted him to see my page like when he looks if he hasn’t already to see that I look happy, sexy, etc but lately I’ve been having a weird feeling (it sounds SO stupid I know) about him looking at my page. I don’t know what it is exactly but maybe as long as he sees I’m not seeing anyone or I’m not hurt (as far as I’m publicly portraying because publicly I never want to show I am upset) , I don’t know maybe I feel like he still thinks I’m “still waiting” I cannot put it into words & I’m probably not making ANY sense but it’s just a feeling I’ve had that portraying myself as happy & everything isn’t the way to go & that I should make my page “private” (meaning you cannot see it unless I approve you) would be better so he doesn’t know WHATS going on with me. maybe it’s like, if he thinks I’m happy, he will think that no matter what he does, I am ok, I am “unhurtable” and he sees no real consequence. Consequence isn’t the right word because I walked away but I don’t know how to say this. Like oh she is unaffected I can keep doing this & whenever I feel like it again I’ll reach out. Normally I would say you want a guy to see you’re happy without him but in this case seeing how warped he is maybe it would be better if I was a complete mystery to him. It’s an odd feeling I have. I’ve been having it for a few days now so whenever I feel something longer than a day I pay attention to it. If it was a regular guy I’d be like yessss see how I look happy without you .. that’s how I felt at first.. but I’ve been getting a negative vibe about it lately. Maybe also it’s that as long as he can still see what’s going on in my life, it’s like anytime he wants he can just go on my page & see what’s going on with me, see what I look like, etc & I feel like I need to take that privilege away from him. I keep saying “maybe” because I can’t quite put my finger on it so I’m taking logical guesses lol. Anyway, I just changed my page to private so the only way he could see is if he went on his friends instagram (who follows me) but I doubt he would. I’ll see if I notice those weird vibes go away!

I block my ex from EVERYTHING.

The less he knows about my life the better. Unfortunately we still have some friends/colleagues in common. I know they feed him info/updates about me, but I can’t control that.

I will not update my FB status with my relationship for several reasons, 1) I don’t put a lot of stock or importance in FB. I use it for entertainment -and to keep in touch will friends and family all over the world, since I moved away.
2) I don’t want to make it any easier for my ex to get intel on me and my son.

Which is kind of a joke since he is a Lt. Col. in Army Special Forces (Green Beret). He is trained in obtaining hard to get info. I know he still stalks us, and I’m certain he already has way more info than I’d like.

But I protect what I can.

I think I figured out the main reason I had the feeling to make my instagram private is, if he can see my page anytime he chooses, it’s like he’s still dating me. Ya know how I said I’d send him pictures of food I was cooking (cooking is now my favorite thing to do) pictures of me, maybe some quotes , etc. So if he can see me, my thoughts, my activities anytime, it’s like he’s still dating me just without any effort or response on his behalf. Couple with the fact that I’m obviously not in a relationship (and I suspect won’t be for a long time) & it’s like I’m so accessible he never really has to miss me or lose me at all. I never realized that until I got those vibes last night! It truly does give the appearance that I’m just “waiting” I’m single, just in my little bubble, cooking & sitting pretty waiting for him to talk to me again. I’m sure that’s how his warped mind would see it, for the same reason he used to say he wanted to get me pregnant, feeling like he possesses me, likes the idea of collecting me like a prize more than he actually likes being with me, & have me still wanting him while he does whatever he wants. I could be wrong but at the moment I feel like he’s not interested in me WHATSOEVER like honestly I’m not even sure he’s been checking my page this time around, he might be only focused on other girls because he grew so bored of me being happy/pleasant all the time, but at least when he DOES check, for now it will be private :)

Could be he wants all the girls to know how lonely he is and feel sorry for him being alone…they will probably each think “I can fix that…poor fellow…”

Oh woe is me…..poor baby.

I am so glad that hit you the wrong way….like cold water…reality helps you to see more clearly.

the little poem he put in his notes for the post: Love is a promise; love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear…

my best guy friend thinks if he just wanted to talk about the holiday itself like he did with that long caption, he couldve just posted any generic valentines day meme like most people did, but the fact he wrote that poem is so weird, he said it’s probably a message to me like the poem is basically saying it’s not forgotten don’t let it disappear? he said “he’s a complete lunatic and he’s being a baby for the exact purpose of generating pity out of you”

Ashley-I’m right there with you. My break up was over 6 weeks ago, he too ghosted on me. I will share more later when I have my laptop tonight. I know it’s hard and each day brings different emotions. You WILL get through it. I will too, somehow someway. You’re doing GREAT so far-not contacting him, very minimal online stalking, etc. it is just that it’s a new day and new emotions. Head up! :)