Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Bf just ghosted, need friendly support
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redcurleysue
Hey Ashley (Lol)
21 days 4 hours and 16 minutes (Lol).
The ghost said “BOO”
But the real question is how are you doing? What are you feeling?
Ashley
haha :) I’m actually really good, thank you for asking :) I’ve really been working on myself & feeling good. Now I feel like I’m so above his crap. if he texts me again I’ll update you on what he says, but I don’t know I don’t think he’ll try to talk to me again for a while for some reason. I have a new guy that resurfaced to tell you about, though!!
A lot of guys from my past have been coming out of the woodwork lately but I can tell they just want sex. It’s obvious. But this guy, his name is Rob..
We haven’t been in touch in 2 years. He moved to Florida. He’s back. He said he thought of me the whole time. He’s not the type of guy Nick is he’s a good guy. One of the very few normal guys I’ve met. When you talk to him you just feel safe, you BELIEVE what he says, he’s genuine & trustworthy. He’s loyal & mature, like you never feel like “is he playing me” with him. He’s a real person. We started off just me confiding in him a few years ago when my bf at the time treated me like garbage. He didn’t even know me but he was my confidant & helped me get over him. Then he like fell in love with me lol. I had a psychic moment as I call it the other day because he popped into my head so randomly for no reason, I haven’t thought of him in over a year & all of a sudden he popped into my head then a few days later he texted me!
He is so loving & caring like he’s the type of guy who wants to take care of you when you’re sick sick rub your back make you something to eat. He always just says how bad he wants to hold me & treat me like a queen. He’s how guys SHOULD BE. he’s not the type to act like a jerk or play games. he’s a REAL person. like if you told him you have a headache the next day he’ll ask how you’re feeling. he actually cares like a real live human being haha
I told him how my last 2 relationships the guys hit on other girls & he said men are just pigs & don’t know when they have something good til it’s gone. I said I don’t understand it he said I do not understand it either because if I was with you I definitely wouldn’t want to talk to other girls. You’re too beautiful for all that. I just want to be the best man you ever had & love you unconditionally.
He’s so attentive & courteous like he tells me if he’s going to take a nap or hey sorry I didn’t text you right away I was really busy. I’m like wow I forgot guys like that exist I’m not used to a guy being attentive & polite hahaha like just a simple thing like a guy being courteous is amazing. That’s sad haha but that’s how it is with guys in my age group!
he said he’s at the age where he’s ready to settle down with the right girl. he said I’ll treat you how you deserve to be treated & you’ll never have to worry about me cheating on you.
I feel like…. it’s like as soon as I’ve been talking to a guy, not the random guys who just want sex but the second a REAL GUY starts talking to me, it’s like Nick felt the vibe & texted me. Not cause he actually wanted to talk to me, because obviously he doesn’t, just to be like “I’m here” … I feel like he can feel that I’m moving on & only texted me because of that reason. To me, it can’t be a coincidence that as soon as my old feelings for Rob came back, Nick texted me. He’s right I definitely am moving on!! lol
I feel really good about Rob. I just get a really positive vibe from him & he with me. It’s like for both of us, all the strong feelings we had for each other came back RIGHT AWAY as soon as we started talking again
Jj
Sorry but have to ask:
Has rob even asked you out this time round on a date or are you creating another fantasy?
Sorry about the other guy but really you shouldn’t waste your time responding to a hey or someone that treats you like that. You shouldn’t even waste energy planning a response,
Ashley
JJ, lol hey excuse me but I’m not “creating fantasies” lol Rob is dead serious about being with me long term, he’s pretty much laying it all out there to me that he wants to be with me long term that he’s realized during these years I’m the one for him so please don’t comment rudely on stuff you know nothing about.. lol you literally know nothing about Rob to say I am “creating fantasies” like what? lol you haven’t even been on my post this whole time so not sure why you’re commenting like that. I was actually talking to Sue about Rob..
Ashley
and.. please do not comment on my thread if you’re being condescending.. I don’t want negative energy.. I’m very intelligent & I do not “make up fantasies” .. many guys have been Asking me out on dates lol like ? please don’t even comment on this unless you’ve been helping me the whole time .. I just got negative energy from that & that’s not what I’m looking for :) I was talking to Sue..
redcurleysue
Hi Ashley,
Wow – this guy Rob sounds really great! He is the guy women dream of having.
But I do want to know if you still feel that strong overwhelming pull towards Nick – is his attraction to you fading in your heart and soul?
I like what I am hearing you say….you sound sooo much better. I am just checking again on your pulse since you had such a struggle – is it really over (I hope, I hope)
Jj
I didn’t feel the need to comment before because the ladies had given sound advice.
From the way it reads it just seems like you are flitting from person to person. Rob may well be a good guy, but if you look back at the original post the trend is ‘guys saying they want to marry you and have kids with you’ and you obviously taking that at face value but then they don’t back it up. And this leaves you devastated. So I asked has he actually taken you on a date, are you together romantically or is this just all talk before you are in a real relationship, in which case this is still a fantasy relationship.
I’m not trying to be rude but equally these are valid questions and you will get some questions you don’t want/ things you don’t want to hear when you post on an open forum. You read them as negative energy, I take them for realism.
I wish you the best with rob. I hope it is a happily ever after. Just watch thd actions substantiate the words.
Ashley
jj, you’re entitled to your opinion and thank you for taking the time to read my thread but I can assure you that’s not the case. Lately I’ve actually been very “I am not interested in men period unless they treat me exactly how I deserve/want” .. I’ve actually had no desire to even go on dates I am happy within myself right now & I believe my new vibe & my new attitude/boundaries/standard is what brought Rob back into my life. Guys say they want to marry me because I’m gorgeous, intelligent, understand men, easy to get along with etc etc it’s not because I’m delusional it’s because to many people I am the “ideal woman” again I’m not delusional because male/female friends have told me this as well as males. I actually LOVE and welcome constructive criticism as I LOVE to learn but I felt a negative/condescending feeling from your first post & it made me feel a bit defensive. I’m ALWAYS completely logical & honest with myself.. I’m a Virgo I’m VERY critical on myself on any shortcomings & honestly what you said made me feel a bit defensive because it wasn’t true. I understand where you are coming from though and why you thought what you thought. Thank you for replying though & thank you for trying to help I do appreciate it.
Ashley
Sue, thank you he is!! He is THE most consistent guy I’ve ever met. He’s never played a single game or acted different. He’s so honest. I am so excited about it! He calls us Barbie & Ken because he looks a bit like a Ken doll haha it’s so cute :)
In the realistic sense, I’ll always “love/care” for Nick, because of the history, but you know what?! I don’t feel “in love” with him anymore!!!!! Now I realize that could be a premature statement, it could just mean that my old feelings for Rob coming back pushed them to the back of my head.. I know it’s pretty much impossible to just “stop loving someone” so quickly.. but either way, right now, I don’t feel that in love/attached/pull towards Nick!! :) like I said, when he texted me the other day, I felt no feeling of “yay” or anything I was just trying to figure out who the phone number belonged to & when I realized it was him, like I said it felt like an acquaintence. Yes his attraction is fading in my heart & soul :) when I talk to a REAL GUY, it makes me think wow why was I so obsessed with a guy who had NONE of the qualities Rob has??? after you are reminding of what a great man is, jerks lose all their appeal !! they are just complete opposites. Nick has NOTHING to offer AT ALL compared to a guy like Rob!!
Thank you so much!!! I really feel like a whole different person lately. haha :) I hope so too! xoxoxo
Ashley
just “journaling” right now lol.. I can’t say enough how I love how consistent & considerate Rob is. He texted me when he first woke up & said he was gonna take a shower & he’d text me in a little bit. I’d say about 6 hours went by and I knew obviously he was working, going about his day etc haha but he just texted me hey sorry I haven’t been texting I’ve been busy working. It’s like just in case a girl didn’t assume he was busy working he makes the extra little effort to say that, I love & appreciate that more than I can say. Like I said this morning, I really believe I’m not “in love” with Nick anymore… When I think of Nick I just think “loser” at this point & that’s the truth! A week ago I wouldn’t have felt like that but now I can honestly say I feel PAST IT. Rob coming back into my life & seeing how a guy CAN be courteous has made me lose all desire to be with Nick. :) When you’re used to being ignored by someone for a while & then a guy makes sure you KNOW in no uncertain terms he is just busy & not ignoring you, it’s like WOW they do exist hahaha like that M&Ms Christmas commercial :)
it’s funny because this past weekend, I was hungover & I didn’t text one of my girlfriends I talk to every morning & later that evening I texted her like hey I’m about to sleep but I just wanted to tell you I’m hungover incase you wondered why I didn’t text you this morning. I just wanted to tell you it was because I don’t feel well, I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you. & she was like I did wonder! you just made my day by letting me know & I was like I wish guys could be like us & be courteous haha like a guy would never take 20 seconds out of their day just to say hey I didn’t text you cause I was sick/busy. & she was like omg I know right! it’s funny cause it’s like as soon as I said that, that’s what Rob does, be courteous the same way I am to people haha :)
redcurleysue
Nick???? – who is Nick????
Go Rob Go! Go Rob Go!
Ashley
:) xo
Ashley
I figured I’d do an update since I haven’t in a while :)
I haven’t heard anything from Nick since the time he texted me “hey” that seems like a lifetime ago! I don’t think about him much, just when I have emotional PMS moments. Mostly just thoughts of curiosity, like I wonder if he’s single or if he’s with someone. Sometimes I get sad when my hormones are going crazy but I always remind myself of what a terrible person he is, the trying to talk to other females etc and I’m back to reality in no time. :)
It didn’t work with Rob because he started acting shady. One day he’d be lovey dovey & then I wouldn’t hear from him for days. He gave me an explanation but my best friend & I thought the story sounded made up, like something wasn’t adding up. She did some digging because she knows people he knows & found out he was hanging with druggies (& most likely doing drugs) so that explained the weird behavior. He’s a nice person but obviously troubled & self-destructive. I’m glad I found out early on, it only took me a couple hours to get over it.
Since then I’ve been talking to various guys but none of them have been working out. The guy seems decent at first but then his true intentions show very quickly: just want sex. Unfortunately this seems to be happening with most pretty, smart, awesome females I know. For example this girl said yesterday this guy asked her to come over. They know each other well, it’s not like he was a random person. She said she wasn’t just going to come over she expected to be taken on a date. No response from him. Tons of lame guys lately! They don’t want to put in an ounce of effort, just expect the girl to give it up! It’s unbelievable & insulting but at least it’s easy to spot, so no confusion there. All the guys lately obviously don’t want to know us on a real level.
The latest guy I had talked to, when I met him he seemed like a respectable guy. We had meaningful conversation & chemistry. I had a positive vibe about him & was excited. I got the impression that he actually liked me for my mind, not just my looks. Wrong lol. At first he did all the nice communication stuff I like, the good morning beautiful texts etc. Then he changed. He went from saying he was going to take me out, to wanting to come over. He said he “might bring his friend” and asked if I had a girl for his friend!!! It’s like you want to bring your little buddy, you don’t even ask me if he COULD bring someone, & worst of all acted like I was OBLIGATED to provide female entertainment for his wingman!!!??? Can you say pathetic?! I said NO. And he never spoke to me again. Other things he did prior to that was kept saying he was going to call me but never did. He also wasted no time being sleazy, asking for “full body pics” and to “send him a video” just another sleazeball! One after the other after the other. But the good thing about that is like I said, they reveal their true colors quickly so it’s easy to know what they’re after!
After Nick, I’ve been doing everything “right” following my own advice, such as I stopped over-functioning, being too sweet, etc. And I still get the same results. So at least I know that it’s NOT ME and I don’t beat myself up anymore. It feels good to just be able to laugh at these things instead of stress about them.
My one friend told me today she thinks guys want to see me as a sex symbol, that when I show the real me it takes away the fantasy & they disappear. They just want to sleep with me period. She says because I am so beautiful & they’ve never been around a girl like me it’s like they don’t see me as an actual person with feelings, nothing beyond a sex object. They like the idea of me & don’t actually want ME. Hopefully one of these days I will meet a real man lol I’m happy being single & not having to worry about stressing over anyone’s crap but it is disappointing sometimes.
Khadija
Hello Ashley,
I’m glad you gave us an update about how you are doing.
I must say dating can really be a trial and error type thing. However, one day you will meet the right person and everything tends to fall into place.
Some men can be so shallow and see a woman for her outer beauty only. They ofcourse will only want the sex when their view is that way.
One day you will meet a man who appreciates a woman for inner/outer beauty.
Whenever, I found that I was getting a slew of sleazy guys, I gave dating a break for a while. This may be that time to do so. Go take a trip with your girlfriends, visit that spa you’ve been thinking about, or just take a few days off work to relax.
You’ve remained strong and let that ex go, it will soon pay off.Ashley
Khadija, Thanks for checking in! :) Yes I am definitely giving the whole dating thing a break! I realize I am so much happier & I feel so much more confident when I’m not interacting with a guy (at least ones like these, lol) because they either offend me, annoy me, or cause me angst in some way haha .. sometimes I feel like I wish I had a boyfriend but it’s just not my time yet and I think I need to just enjoy this time to be stress-free in that department :) xo
Khadija
I really understand how you feel.
I’ve just been taking life easy and doing my own thing. This makes me happy and one day the right man will be the cherry on top for all of us.
Take Care.
xoxoConfused
Ashley,
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you but I am sure you’ll have no problem meeting someone new, you’re gorgeous!!
Hugs
:-)Ashley
Confused, Thank you :) hugs
Alex
Ashley,
I followed your post from the beginning and I wondered how you were doing! I’m glad you’ve been positive and looking on the bright side and I think you’ll realize even more as time goes on that nick is not the right person for you (or for anyone it sounds like).
Like you, I’ve dealt with my fair share of guys that are only after sex. It’s like they like my physical appearance and they don’t care to dig much deeper. I don’t want this to sound shallow or anything but I feel like the more attractive you are in some cases, the harder it is bc ppl will pre judge you or just think of you in a physical sense. In college, I loved the attention from guys and I would wear things to show of my body and get all dolled up, and despite my intelligence and all I have to offer aside from my looks, I felt like guys never really took me seriously. They would talk to me for a month or two , and I wouldn’t even have sex w them, but then they would just get shady.
I’m 25 now and I feel like in the last few years I just eventually kind of said F it. I didn’t try to impress anyone I started having more self respect and I stopped giving a shit about attention from other people and just started living my life for me. And now I’ve been dating my BF for a year and couldn’t be happier. And he’s an athlete and super cute and I love nothing more than when we’re out and we see girls acting like I used to act throwing themselves at him or begging for attention and he just laughs at them.
The bottom line is, it’s so easy for ppl to say “you’re so pretty you’ll be fine” .. I’ve heard it way too many times. but you know all too well looks can get the attn of any man but it’s not what keeps a man.
I have no doubt you will find someone who looks past the exterior and gets to know the real you. Maybe it’s the way you come across to guys? I don’t know u at all and I’m not trying to judge but I’m just asking what u think it is that keeps them from wanting to dig deeper? Bc once I asked myself that question things really started changing for me.
Good luck girl! You remind me a lot of myself and my friends. You seem like a cool ass chick. Things are looking up!
Ashley
Alex, thanks for checking in! :) yes it’s so true… it’s like in the past whenever we lost touch I knew he’d be back and we’d rekindle etc but now it’s like I finally saw the truth of who he is and it’s scary when I think wow he is PSYCHO!
I totally agree!! The prettier you are the more weirdos and sleazeballs you attract! I try not to make guys pay for the sins of guys in my past so I always give people the benefit of the doubt and give guys a fair shot so when I think they are decent and turn out to be a joke every time oh man it’s frustrating! I always get dolled up too and despite who I am on the inside no one took me seriously!
I am so glad you’re happy!! :) thanks so much for sharing with me I love hearing your story because we are so similar! :)
hmm I’m not sure! I’d love to figure it out though… I dress classy & pretty conservative compared to a lot of other girls. Like in the summer I don’t wear short shorts & stuff haha I dress more “grown up”. I also am not a flirt.. I’m very friendly as a person but to guys I’m not one of those girls who flirts at all.. I’m pleasant & polite, I’m more on the unapproachable/intimidating side to the opposite sex. I’m outgoing & bubbly to other females, always give compliments etc but to guys I don’t go around throwing myself at them or anything so I don’t know why they get the wrong idea. Not that I act stuck up or anything but I def don’t have the demeanor where I look like I’m “down for whatever” either haha. I could be in a turtleneck & guys will treat me like I’m walking around in a bikini begging for disrespectful attention. There has got to be SOMETHING I do though that invites this crap, so if you have any guesses let me know haha I don’t know what it is but I really want to know so I can modify it!! xo
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