BF lied about unprotected sex after break

Men will avoid those questions like the plague for this very reason. Men know how women react to those questions and would rather cut off their arm v. answering it honestly because those repercussions are in most cases worse than lying about it so they will intentionally take the path of least resistance. He was most likely worried you would find out he had sex with someone else. It had nothing to do with clearing his conscious but getting caught, so fessed up before you found out.

Why the heck are you forcing him to get tested? Go make the darn appointment and get yourself tested if its so important to you. Bet you 10 – 1 trust has been a major issue in this relationship and reason for the break up, yes or no? If yes, this is why “do overs” have an abysmal success rate (less than 20%) because the underlying issue(s) were never resolved but love blinds you to reality, hope they will change but its really the to avoid the pain/loss, you re-engage just to end up getting hurt again.

If there’s no trust, you got nothing. Doing the wash, rinse, repeat cycle isn’t going to fix or resolve trust issues. Accepting its broken beyond repair truly is your next best step when you’ve reached that apex (point).

Honestly trust was never an issue before this and this is why Im struggling with it. I had just been to my annual obgyn prior to this and get tested every time I go, so felt he should be the one to go this time. He did say that the reason he didnt confess prior was he was afraid that I would say goodbye and leave for good. But is it me or wouldnt it have been easier to tell me, he could go get tested and then we would could carry on? He has now brought on trust issues that were never thefe before.

I must be truly naive as to how many people have unsafe sex and think it’s ok. I can’t wrap my head around that. So if you were in my situation and he gave you an std for the rest of your life, you’d be cool with that?

Seems to me you dont have trust issues, more being passive agressive issues. I get that you felt lied to and that must have been hard to deal with. You can say all day long you were fine with your bf having sex on a break but that it is the lie about condoms that broke your trust. But the point is, you two got back together and once you found this out, you should have either said: this is a lie i cant handle, so im calling this quits. Or: i dont like what you did and not tell me, but you got clean. It is very important to me to get back on track and for you to get tested. But you chose a passive agressive middle road where none is resolved, happy or dealt with. Do you see what i mean? If this is how you handle conflicts, i see serious problems for you handling long term relationships.

Hi Ann
I have to give him credit for confessing even if it was after the fact. He could have never said anything assuming no STD’s were discovered after the fact. I agree with you that I would be more upset of the fact it was unprotected. That would make me really upset and again he did confess to that so again kudos to him for being honest. His reason for not wanting to get tested seems odd I assume he is just pushing back because your enforcing it. Sort of like a child rebelling. In this case I would suggest you continue using condoms and get yourself tested again to make sure there is nothing thus far…and explain to him that this has to do with safety not trust. Explain to him that in order for you to move forward asking him to take a test to make sure he is clean is protecting him and you. If he chooses not to then I would drop it at that point and decide whether you want to continue with this dilemma. Do what makes you feel safe if that means wearing condoms for the next few years then that is what you have to do!

ok, so let’s say you both are tested and the results are as you hope – no stds…life can go on smoothly now right?

not so fast. there’s one other HUGE thing that could have been left to chance..PREGNANCY! are you concerned at all about finding out your boyfriend could be having a baby with another woman? I personally would be looking into that one for sure.. we all know girls lie about being on birth control (assuming he knew she was and he had a good amount of trust in her word…)