Bf said something inappropriate

it is called ‘open relationship’, did you discuss it at the beginning, maybe he thinks he is in now and was since the beginning.

Sounds like he doesn’t want a threesome, it kind of sounds like he wants to be a cuckhold or something. Was he serious; did he want to make it reality? Was he just talking fantasy? 2 very different things.

If you’re very “sex*Al” creatures, you may want to try talking about it more and try to understand — not saying do it if it’s not in your comfort zone. But if you have been together for 5 years, talk about it. Always do what is comfortable for you, not someone else; maybe this is a dealbreaker that you didn’t realize you had. TALK to him first.

Honey, if you ask for someone’s fantasy and they tell you, you cannot punish them for that! You become very emotionally unsafe if you do. Saying and thinking one thing are not the same as doing them. And asking someone for a fantasy and then punishing them is manipulative.

Please channel your inner adult, not the part of you that is upset. The partner, but also having wants and needs part of you. also, if you are that sexual, I am surprised you are this upset.

This is how you do it. Thank you honey for sharing your fantasy with me. I thought about it a lot and while I want you to have your fantasy, I do not feel comfortable with being with others in our relationship sexually. Are there other ways we can try to make this happen? like watching 3some porn together or maybe going to a sex club and watching other 3 somes (put in whatever you feel comfortable with or just ask him how to do it without introducing more people).

There is zero reason to think he doesn’t love you. Men can compartmentalize sex much better women can – sex and love are not the same

You’re right that you need to discuss this with him in person. It isn’t a serious conversation to have over text. He may have just been saying things because you were s*xting and it felt fun to him in the moment, he may not even be that serious. Or he may be, which is fine too because they are his fantasies, but only talking about this over text opens up nothing but miscommunications. He may also be looking for new ways to spice things up a bit after 5 years and was doing some exploration to see what you’re both open to (nothing wrong with that) but didn’t know he’d hit a sensitive spot. So it’s important to tell him that.

Him having fantasies also doesn’t mean he’s going to leave you or is just using you for sex, which sounds like it’s at the base of your fears. The most important thing is you listen and don’t judge each other for fantasies, but you also respect each other’s boundaries and no one pushes the other person to do something they don’t want to do. That you don’t get pressured. But I bet that if you talk about it in person, you’re very unlikely to find out that his fantasy is more important than YOU are to him, and everything will work out okay.

I don’t think someone mentioning the idea and then accepting a no means he will always want others or that he will act on it! Especially if he texted it when highly in the moment when he was turned on. That absolutely does not indicate he’d ever act on it, especially if he knew you were not comfortable. He may just feel like it’s fun dirty talk that means nothing beyond that, and it provides some variety to s*xting without having to act on anything at all. It’s also normal to be attracted to other people but very happy with your partner and never think of actually acting on other attraction. Especially if you are both “very sexual beings,” then it will be normal to still have fantasies even if they’re never intended to actually happen.

I think you need to ask yourself why you don’t trust him. Has he ever done anything to cause distrust? Or are these other insecurities you have that are unrelated to him? Are you planning to talk about any of this with him in person and clear up your communication?

Please try not to make assumptions and spiral out without talking to him in person. Maybe it will turn out there are problems and you are sensing that, but after 5 years together, if you’ve both been happy, connected, and haven’t had problems with trust before, give your relationship the benefit of the doubt first and talk to him. We can’t read his mind as strangers, but he can answer your questions. I still think the likely outcome is that a discussion with him will put your mind at ease.

It’s also very, very important that if you are uncomfortable with what happened that you let him know! Communicating your needs honestly is all part of healthy relationships.

Yes, there was an instant some 2.5 years back when he started texting an ex behind my back virtually asking her to be his gf. I had broken up then. But he kept trying to get me back for a year so i forgave him. But somewhere i don’t fully trust him and his mentioning other people has just ruptured that insecurity again..

Also, when we are fighting sometimes he says derogatory things about me or girls who are too sex*al. So i don’t really feel very comfortable with his fantasies and feel like he’s using me for my adventurous nature when it comes to s*x but doesn’t really respect girls like me.

And mind you the girl he started texting behind my back had a FWB kind of arrangement majorly..

why did you take him back? what are your plans ? 5 years it is a long time, do you guys not live together ? how often you see each other .

Ohhh these were details we needed to know. He’s had a history of being unfaithful to you, why has this relationship lasted so long?

I get it. My bf knows I like to fantasize him w/ other wimen, but the reverse thought by him sickens him, which is kind of flattering.