Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Bf says now I’m nonchalant
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Raven.
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Lexxie
We have been together for going on 6 months. As all relationships have we had a little argument. I told him about his communication that he needs to work on. I mean by that he needs to keep his word, call when he says he is, and tell me how he feels. That’s all I asked. He told me that i question him too much. He says I asked him where he was and how long was he go take to get to his house after work and why he got home so late. He says that was too much. So now weeks go by. I stopped questioning him and I’ve been very chill. I don’t “complain” (as he says I do) anymore. I just be chill. I don’t say much. I don’t question him like that anymore since it bothered him so much. If he says he will call me back I don’t wait and worry when that’s going to be or how long it will take. I don’t complain when he finally does hours later anymore. Now he says from the change k am acting nonchalant towards him. Im confused all I did was give him what he wanted. I am the same girl but now he says I don’t care. I just don’t trip if he takes hours and hours to call back when he says he will call back in 5 mins. I don’t trip if he doesn’t call when he gets off work nor do I ask why he got home so late from work. I really be on chill mode now, and now he doesn’t like it. I am lost on what to do now.
Raven
Did you tell Him what you just told us?
Lexxie
Hey Raven
Yes hun. I told him. We had a discussion on what each other needs to work on. I told him communication and he told me what I stated in my post. It seems he felt some type of way that I wasn’t questioning him anymore. I wasn’t upset anymore if he didn’t call back when he said he was. If he said he will call before he went to sleep and he didn’t use to say something about it. Now I don’t. I don’t say anything about anything he does anymore. He said I complained about everything. I stopped. He now sees it as nonchalant. He hasn’t gotten his communication together yet but I’m patient with him. So me working on what he doesn’t like about me is confusing me on why he said I’m nonchalant. I asked why he feels that. He says I act like I don’t care.Raven
What are your ages?
Lexxie
Both in mid 30s.
Ewa
his behaviour is very off putting, I think asking questions how long it takes you to get home etc are perfectly normal and if he took them as you questioning him , it means he has some other issues or he has something to hide.
To me it seems like whatever you do is never going to be good for this guy , you need to think if this is the guy you really want to be with.Maddie
Don’t bend yourself into pretzels to be what you think he wants. Be who you are and who you want to be. If that’s someone more nonchalant that’s fine, as long as it’s truly what YOU want for yourself.
He doesn’t know what he wants, btw, which is why you being whatever he says won’t work. He’s probably used to unhealthy relationships. When you were questioning him, it made him want to be distant in response BUT he didn’t question that you were into him and he had you under his thumb. Now that you’re being more self-assured and doing your own thing, he’s afraid you’re too distant and not all over him so it’s making him insecure. Neither of these things is your problem, they are his problem. That’s why you shouldn’t play games or put up with his indecisiveness and bad communication, just be who you are and decide what you need and what works for you in a relationship. If he can’t appreciate you for who you are and show up for you without complaining and wanting you to change, then there’s big incompatibility here. I agree that whatever you do won’t be good enough, and again, that’s because HE has issues and doesn’t actually know what he wants, not because of you doing anything wrong.
Raven
He’s too old to be acting like a 16 Year old boy!
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