Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › BF Shocked ME
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by
Lane.
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neena
Bf and I had a tense conversation. I asked him had I not come into his life if he’d still be in touch a female friend of his (whom he later revealed had slept with once but had become friends after that) When I came along he decided to sever the friendship. I had no problem with it.
I only had a problem with it once he started questioning the roots of some of my male relationships. Then the discussion began. I was open and honest about which ones I had had an intimate relationship with. He felt uncomfortable with so I severed some of those. He lied about this one relationship and I left it alone. But then he’d make connects about how he was “feeling the distance” and how she wa “rushing him off the phone” and “her two boyfriends dont even know about me” So I become increasingly aware that maybe he had feelings for her. But I left it alone because now, we had been together 8 months, and he was talking marriage.Fast forward, we are engaged and I’m happy. But I felt led to ask this question. He responds with “I’m not sure, I can’t say,” And I’m livid. He said he had noone else around, and she was a “trick,” who would’ve gone along with it because now he had money. (he just came into a settlement, but had nothing while he was friends w her and when he first met her)
Background – they had gone on two dates, and had sex in the car, then he decided to just be friends w her. She already had two men in her life.
Maybe I am just insecure? Or am I sensing that maybe they’ve gotten into contact again? I mean, they stopped talking because I contacted her and she said alot of things that was hurtful about him, even saying he was bad in bed. Which I always wondered about because she says, (and he said) they had only had sex once in the car. Besides that, she said she’d never be his friend, he said her true colors came out, and I feel they aren’t talking. But I felt led to ask him that question. My friends, and I all feel he’s doing right by me, not talking to anyone and his life is an open book and I’m practically living with him at this point.
Should I just leave it?
cupcake
But he isn‘t talking to her anymore right? She s just a shadow from the past? (or not? is he still in contact with her?)
So i don‘t see where the problem lies?! Everyone s got a a past. Some bits bother us more than others (which is totally understandable) But in the end its got nothing to do with the present nor the future.
If he is still in contact with her however, then yeah i would be concerned/livid too.
Newbie
Do you want this relationship to end? Because it looks like youre on that path. The first time you had this discussion was already a case if you shouldnt have. And in case you wonder: the only logical answer to your question would you still be (friends/lovers/ whatever) if we didnt meet would always be: well Yeah or a i dont know. And now to relive the convo and be livid about it is even more weird. So whats your real issue here? You dont trust him? Because Otherwise this is a case of mountain and mole his or as we say: looking for nails when its low tide.
Neena
The response should’ve been NO, then lost the reasons she’s not his type or whatever. She told me things about him that were hurtful. She threw him under the bus. Then tried to become my friend. He knows this. And he should see that’s her true self. He even said her true colors came out.
So to now say he’s not sure kinda confuses me. He should be sure. Even if I wasn’t around.Newbie
But you didnt exist in your question so all those things would not have occured. So your question borders to crazy and at least not asked if you only want to hear one right answer.
So why you feel you need to convince him? If you question his character, like he has no spine, that might be a thing that holds value. But hypotheticals like yours only lead to selfchosen miseryElvira
Neena if you were asking the question as a trap to see what he would say your actions backfired on you. Your answering the question for him stating his response should have been “no”….why ask the question if you can’t take the real answer? I feel that question was useless and who cares about if you never came into his life who would he be with why does that matter? You are with him? No one can say what they would be doing had they not met their current spouse. Any answer you get may be taken offensively when its not the answer you want. Your putting too much focus on this woman even by contacting her and talking to her about him. Why would you care what she has to say? I think you are extremely insecure and for you to be so concerned about a woman from his past is showing him that you have very low self esteem.
mama
Neena that was a manipulative hypothetical. If he was smart he wouldn’t have touched that with a 39-and-a-half-foot pole.
Don’t be mad at his answer, he was being honest. Also, the fact that 1) you asked him this impossible-to-answer question, and 2) you contacted this other woman, are both red flags that I think HE should pay attention to about you. You’re being stalkerish and manipulative — these are things that insecure people do.
Sorry if that’s harsh, but you’re being very unfair to the guy.
Lane
Are you still in this dysfunctional threesome? Big whoop, you won the booby prize and still not satisfied. Not sure why you are still so wound up about this issue several months later?
You are far too insecure to be in any relationship tbh. I actually feel sorry for this bloke who if I recall still owed her money and now that he’s come into some she probably wants to get repaid and you are using that as the reason to cause drama. Let him pay his debts like a man should.
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