Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › BF wants me to sexually humiliate him
- This topic has 16 replies and was last updated 2 years, 8 months ago by
Eric Charles.
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Tatha
Does anyone have an idea as to why my BF wants me to sexually degrade, humiliate him in the bedroom? He wants me to order him around, swear and spank him, make him wear women’s underwear and diapers!. I know there are no psychologists on this forum. Maybe someone has experienced this themselves? I asked him why he likes this sort of fetish and he says for a “thrill”. It doesn’t make sense to me why a man would want to be humiliated. Isn’t a relationship supposed to be about love, caring and respect. Frankly, I don’t think I can participate.
Aranxia
That’s easy. He’s a submissive. Either you’re into this lifestyle or you’re not. Sometimes a man who is very powerful in business and has a lot of responsibility likes this sort of thing, for a change and for kicks. How long have you been with him and what do you know about his relationship history?
Tatha
He is not the powerful in business type. He is quiet, shy and gentle. Been together for 1.5 years. He was married once, ugly divorce. It does not seem normal to me that this type of personality would want to be punished. It seems maybe like he hates himself for something and wants to be punished.
Raven
How long have you two been an item?
How long has he been asking for this ‘treatment?’Joe
He’s a sicko! Dump him..
Tatha
We have been together over a year. He just started asking me to engage in this fetish about a week ago. We have had pretty normal (nothing kinky) up to this point. I told him I would think about it but I feel very uncomfortable, yet still want to please him. I would feel like I am abusing him if I went along with hit.
Guinevere
I think this is something you need to discuss further with him, it sounds like your understanding of why he wants this treatment might be different than his. Ultimately you both need to feel comfortable doing anything together and if you’re not you need to figure out if that’s going to be a problem down the road.
Perhaps ask him his thinking behind asking for this, is it something he’s always wanted, is it exploratory etc. But be honest and open about your discomfort.
This sort of sexual fetish is not unusual, and certainly not ‘sick’. Sexual desire is a complex thing, there is no one type or one route. It’s more than likely he just wants to give you the power to control things sexually.
Another idea is to compromise: offer to dominate him in a way that you feel comfortable with. Maybe tie him up, and if you feel ok, get a whip or so. But make sure you’re comfortable and communicate any feelings.
Good luck!Hannah
A lot of people, especially men, separate sex from love. Then sex isn’t so much a bonding exercise but something for pure physical and mental enjoyment. This is where fantasies and kinks come in.
Sex also involves some power play. There is always one slightly dominant and one more submissive partner. He likes a woman to take control but then it goes a bit further.
It has nothing to do with self esteem or having mental issues. In fact you have to have pretty good self esteem to do these kinds of things. He’s just got a kink and likes to act out fantasies in bed.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with a sub man either. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.
Jan
If he is asking now, u doubt this has come out d no where. He has either done it with ther women/men or reading up on it or both.
I’m not sure yu have to understand it, and frankly people can only guess the real reasons he has. It’s up to you if you want to do it.
If you can’t, you Re not compatible.
This isn’t something that is going away, if he doesn’t get it from you, he will get it somewhere else.
Tatha
My first reaction to his request was that he has very low self-worth. Someone abusing me like that would make me feel like I am a piece of SH***T.
How can this even be considered stimulating or therapeutic?
Jen
Sounds like you two are not going to work out. No one said it was therapeutic. It’s a sexual preference.
Maria
Yeah….the diaper part…how nifty..lol
An
As a submissive woman I can see where he is coming from. However, I would never put myself to where a diaper for my guy but I do let him tie me up, spank and so on. With us though it works because it’s something we like to do but we don’t have to do it all the time when we are sexual together. I think it’s just something different and exciting and new which is why I like it. I don’t see it as being sick or low self esteem.
SthrnBelle
Nothing wrong with this at all. People sometimes like to play out their fantasies with the one they really trust.
Ok the diapers made me laugh out loud, that I am not sure about but it depends on you two, if you are both ok with it, anything goes! If you are not ok with it, well, you may not be sexually compatible. Nothing wrong with that either.
I never truly liked SMB but recently got into it for the first time. Sometimes it is love-making emotional sense, other times playing out fantasies, only done limited things and only a couple of times but I can tell you if you fully trust another person, it can be exciting.
Again this comes from someone that never thought would like this sort of thing especially because I have been abused in the past and when someone tried this with me in the past I left the guy instantly.
I see nothing sick about his request, well, except for maybe the diapers part lol. Sorry guys that one got to me.
SthrnBelle
Just what An said exactly how I feel. If you HAVE TO do it every time, well, that may not work and then there may be something wrong although some would disagree. I love love making emotional sex but also love some kinky stuff at times, guys love it if you can be versatile in bed and although a great relationship is not built on sex alone it is a very important part of it.
Hannah
It’s about being turned on by sexual humiliation. It’s about totally giving your power to someone else and the excitement of not knowing what they will expect of you or what you will have to do. It’s definitely not therapeutic but I guess it is stimulating for him. Not my thing either but I do get it. Remember he knows all the time he’s not actually being abused and he can stop the scenario. It’s pure kinky fantasy.
Eric CharlesKeymasterIt’s a fetish.
Fetishes are irrational.
I don’t know if there’s any value in trying to understand why he’d want this.
That said, if there’s any insight into it, you would probably gain that insight from resources having to do with male submissive sexual roleplay.
I don’t think it’s a great idea to take on trying to accommodate a sexual fetish as a feature of your relationship, but that’s not for me to decide.
As an analogy… if my girlfriend is a coke fiend and the best I can offer her is coffee… sooner or later… she’s going to go find coke somewhere.
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