Birthday Flowers

And P.S. when someone tells you you shouldn’t have…you shouldn’t have!!

“Now, I definitely wasn’t expecting for this to be us getting back together, or expecting anything from this. But a whole 2 days later they say “thanks anyway”.”

But you WERE expecting something, which is why you’re now upset. You expected a halfway friendly response. But she doesn’t want to be friendly and she doesn’t owe you that.

“I mean was I wrong for sending the flowers?”

That depends on a lot of things. “Wrong,” I don’t know. Misguided, yes. Things ended badly and she wants to move on. Sending flowers was “wrong” in the sense that she didn’t want them. She doesn’t want flowers so yes, it’s wrong to send them. Maybe there wasn’t a way for you to know that, maybe there was. I don’t know. But I know you definitely expected a different and “better” response from her.

She doesn’t like you, clearly, and she’s not required to fake it. It’s possible she felt slightly manipulated (you make a point of saying she did nothing for your birthday but you did something for hers, as if you’re pointing out that you’re being the better person, and this feels manipulative and like you have ulterior, less genuine motives than just being kind). She doesn’t sound like she trusts you so she’s not going to attribute kind motives to your actions.

“Should I be upset that 2 days later, she only texts back thanks anyway”

Feelings aren’t a matter of should or shouldn’t. You wanted a different response. You feel like you deserve for her to be nicer to you. She’s being her authentic self and telling you how she really feels about the flowers. She’s not required to fake an appreciative response. You guys dated, it ended badly, and she doesn’t want to hear from you. It’s okay for you to be upset by that but that doesn’t mean she should have done anything differently.

This isn’t about social niceties like saying “fine, how are you?” when someone asks how you are. In this context (relationships with exes) clarity is best and helps everyone to avoid confusion about where people stand.

“and the real question is, should I respond to her text?”

No. She didn’t appreciate the flowers and she doesn’t want to hear from you.

I’m sorry if that’s harsh but I hope this helps you see the situation from a different perspective.

True! Communication can be hard even when there’s trust. It sounds like you were trying to do something nice but there’s no trust.

I like what you wrote above. If you responded with that, “things ended badly, the flowers were to tell you I feel partly responsible and just wanted you to know I have no ill feelings and wish you well” and then move on not expecting any response, I think that would be fine actually. It doesn’t ask for anything back. If it makes you feel better to send that it could provide closure.