Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Birthday present fwb?
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Mary
Do you give birthday presents to fwb’s? And if so, what do you give them?
I also will give some background info:
He will become 23 in the beginning of next week, I am 28. I met him on holiday end of july (so recently) where we kinda immediately liked each other. We had nice talks and he also was around me a lot, hugging me in public and all. However, he got cold feet twice and ‘broke up’ as well during that holiday, because he was used to either having a relationship or a one-nightstand and this was rather hybrid and apparently he could not handle it. After the holidays however, things got better. We meet regularly, he seems more at ease and we sometimes have very deep talks (and very nice sex), so things are going well and I would like to keep it that way.
Problem is, I feel like I could start a relationship with him eventually if he would want to (which he doesn’t) and I don’t want him to notice that to much, so I don’t want to make it a huge deal.
He did ask me recently when it was my birthday and joked about his. So now I am wondering whether he is secretly hoping for me to present him something. If he is, I do not want to disappoint him either. So, what would you guys do?Amy
A lot of people who find themselves in “FWB” situations forget what the F stands for.
FRIENDS.
Is he a friend? Yes? Then get him a silly, funny, wonderful Friend Birthday Gift. Even just a card will do. It shows you value his FRIENDSHIP.
Is he someone about whom you don’t know much and don’t care to; just good in the sack and you’re not interested in anything else? Don’t bother with a gift.
If this is a situation where it’s FWB but you want more, then you have to ask yourself why you want to give him a gift. Is it just because you want him to feel happy and special? Is it because you’re hoping it will “up your level” in his eyes? Is it because you feel obligated? Asking yourself those questions will lead you to the proper answer.
Mary
I would do it because he is a friend :) and I am really glad I found an fwb who also realizes what the ‘F’ stands for. I am just a bit scared he might think that I would do it to ‘up my level’, but indeed if I keep it small, then he normally shouldn’t as you say (I am overthinking it a bit, I guess). Thanks!
anon
I’d keep it real simple- buy him lunch or dinner.
I think otherwise, it’s veering into “boyfriend” territory. For my friends, I don’t buy them gifts for birthdays unless it’s something funny and cheap that really is just *them* . But you know, we treat each other to lunch, buy a birthday drink etc.
Kendra
I think you might be overthinking it.. if you don’t want to scare him into thinking you want more, then don’t make it weird. Don’t act like the gift is a big deal and he won’t get the “big deal” vibes. He’s only 23, so maybe he’s a little intimidated by you and the idea of being locked down. It does confuse me though how you guys talked about what he wants, but then still don’t know what exactly you are to each other. Not saying you should open up old wounds, but for your own sake, maybe you should have another “talk”. I see this going downhill for you if you keep trying to be his FWB when you know what you really want.
Emma
Why not? what is such a big deal? Take him out on his BD, there is nothing huge or committal to it, it is normal for people to do that. With work buddies, with neighbours. If you were going to buy him something expensive then I’d say it is inappropriate but otherwise do what you’d do with any of your friends.
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