Blindsided

2 OPTIONS:
You were too needy and he has had enough/became too comfortable/lost feelings(could be all in one)
OR He met someone else

Either way, you move on. He did it once he will do it again, You deserve better!

Here’s the deal. You’re in your twenties. You’ve been together long enough now for marriage to be on the table at some point soon, especially since you were talking about moving in together.

Maybe he met someone else, maybe he didn’t. It really doesn’t matter. What he did was think it through long enough to realize he isn’t ready to take the next step with you. That happens a lot to relationships at your age. He was honest and he removed himself immediately. That was decent. What isn’t cool is he’s also trying to keep the door open for later, which I’m sure he can’t see right now is very unfair. Either he’s doing it to soften the blow or he’s afraid he’ll realize later he made a big mistake, I suspect.

It know it feels like a sucker punch, when everything seemed fine. This is how men are though. They operate differently than we do. Women don’t tend to break up with a guy when everything is going well. They will usually break up after a period of being openly unhappy. So did he mean it when he said he wanted you to move with him? Yes, that the time he said it. Did he want to go on vacation with you to Mexico? Yes, at the time it was booked. But in his mind things changed. At least he didn’t let you move with him and then break up. I’ve seen that one happen.

Do everything that Maddie said, that’s great advice. I wouldn’t be too quick to take him back.

On the flip side I will say in my twenties I saw three cases of friends who had solid relationships, broke up for a period and then got back together and got married and now 10 years later are still together. In each case (two male, one female did the break up) they needed time and space (up to a year in each case) to be totally sure they were ready to make a lifelong commitment. And when they were in, they were in. So you really do never know.

However, I would assume that he’s gone so you can grieve, heal and move on. I will tell you that in the cases I described above, the ones who were on the receiving end of the breakup let go gracefully and went forward with their lives without looking back and had no contact for months with the person who left.

I know it hurts. I’m sorry. This does happen without it being someone’s fault. I wouldn’t waste time looking for what you could have done wrong. Be kind to yourself now. Surround yourself with your friends and family and take one day at a time. We’ve all been through heartbreak. it does heal. Hugs.

Thank you for all the kind words and input! It’s a day by day process about not dwelling on the things he said and what we could of done differently to keep the spark or love alive. That’s the part that’s hard that I don’t think he even tried and thought what we had was worth saving. I know this happens that two people can love each other and not work out. He really just wasn’t ready for a commitment and wants to enjoy his 20s. So I am sure I will have acceptance about all this at some point in the future. So I’m trying to stay positive by surrounding myself with friends and family but rejection by the person you love because they lost feelings/attraction knocks you down a bit. But as I said it’s a day by day thing! Stupid guy saying “I’ll never tell you there’s a zero percent chance that we won’t get back together” 🙄

UPDATE – I ended up having to see him this past Sunday because he got something in the mail that was important for his CPA license so I told him I’d leave it on the front porch along with his other stuff he left but guess he decided he wanted to talk. Nothing changed and he kept saying he wants to be single and not with anyone and that he doesn’t see himself settling down for a long time. but here’s the shocker he decided he’s moving to Dallas, which is 3 hours away. Can totally see him meeting someone quickly. He goes I was only here bc of you and when I started looking for apartments I realized I needed a life change but doesn’t have a job there yet. Also shocking bc now he is even farther away from his family. This was really sad to hear because now we will never see each other again and plus I think he just really wants to go and be a f*** boy. Lots of going out in Dallas and he’s going to move in with 2 of his single friends. That really takes a toll on someone! I even said I thought you got all that out before we started dating and he was like idk I think I just need to experience life more. Idk in my mind is just sounds like he wasn’t happy with our sex life?? He said to not take any of this personal but that’s easier said than done because obviously something personal about me he didn’t like anymore so this has all really hurt my self esteem. He even said I need to raise my standards bc he was a terrible boyfriend to me. Which sucks bc it’s like wow you knew but didn’t want to change for me. I think the first two years he was great but then once he passed the CPA he wanted to go be free since he no longer had school and studying and that’s when he checked out. I called him out for all his breadcrumbs he left saying that wasn’t fair and he said that maybe he was trying to soften the blow but also doesn’t believe in absolutes bc this has been so hard on him. It’s really hard knowing I’ll never see him again after basically seeing him everyday for 2.5 years. And everyone keeps saying oh in a few months he’s going to miss you bc the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I thought that at first but now that he’s moving it really is out of sight out of mind. Maybe I’m just a sensitive person but not sure how someone just totally forgets the person they lived with for a year! I know I will move on at some point but yeah thinking of him with someone else right now is sickening. Hopefully I will be better some day bc of this but it is hard seeing the person you thought you knew do all this.